Paradigm Shift

The other night I couldn't sleep.  We had been out to a movie, enjoyed great company, picked the boys up from playing with their cousins LATE into the night, and I was exhausted and ready for bed.  But somehow, my day didn't feel done, and I spent an hour restlessly tossing and turning before finally getting back up.

I like to sit at my computer and play dumb games like Solitaire.  I have always been a huge Solitaire player - even before it became popularized by computer versions.  To justify this incredible waste of time, I like to go to lds.org and listen to General Conference talks.  This was my intent, but as I pulled it up, I noticed that the front page featured a recent CES devotional by Elder Bednar.  I used to love attending these back when I was a young single adult, but I haven't made a practice of listening to the messages since that time.  I decided to give it a try, and I am so glad I did!

The message was called "That we might not... shrink."  It seemed a strange title to me, but I clicked the button anyway, and started my game.

Elder Bednar started talking about Elder Maxwell.  He gave a brief background of who Elder Maxwell is.  (Am I really so old that there are now young single adults who don't KNOW Elder Maxwell?)  He spoke of an opportunity he had to ask Elder Maxwell what he had learned through his battle with cancer.  Elder Maxwell responded, "Dave, I have learned that it is better to not shrink than to survive."

I still didn't really get it.  But Elder Bednar went on to explain.  He spoke of visiting a young couple in the hospital.  The husband had been diagnosed with cancer just three weeks after they were married.  The prognosis was not good.  After a brief visit, this young husband asked Elder Bednar for a blessing.  Elder Bednar said he was happy to serve in that way, but was surprised when he was prompted to first ask questions.

"Do you have the faith to NOT be healed."

You may already be familiar with the talks But if Not and Come What May and Love It.  The message is similar.  Somehow this presentation, though, helped me make a stronger connection to the doctrine of the atonement and the strength of faith in applying this principle.

The talk was beautifully presented and seemed very pertinent to me right now.

For the past year I have said that I had the faith to NOT get into graduate school.  But I really felt like I was doing what I was supposed to be doing in pursuing this path, and the rejection has stung.  Still, my first thought upon learning that I wasn't accepted was to turn to this little video message:

Despite an initial acceptance of missing out on this path, I soon allowed myself to get lost in the discouragement   After a week or two of wallowing in distress, I began to feel a bit better.  I'm afraid to admit that a good portion of that mental improvement is conditioned on some exciting potentials my husband is experiencing at his work.

I needed the reminder of the lesson I feel that I have already learned a million times over in my short life.  "But if not," and "come what may and love it" weren't strong enough.  I needed to be instructed to "not shrink".

When I was twelve years old, my seven year old cousin was hit by a car while riding his bike.  As an extended family, we decided to fast for him.  Fasting is always a sacrifice, especially when you are twelve, but it seemed easy enough when put into perspective of what it was for.  We would skip breakfast and lunch, go to church, and then eat dinner shortly after getting home.  This was manageable.

I arrived at my Young Women's meeting - the last hour of the church schedule, to learn that for the first and only time in my entire Young Women's experience, we were going to leave the church building for an object lesson at our leaders home.  The object lesson was a beautiful gourmet breakfast like nothing I had ever before seen.  In my memory, I view it the same way as the feast was described in The Little Princess.

Suddenly this manageable sacrifice seemed very impossible.  I had decided to fast before I knew all the facts.  Had I known this breakfast was going to happen, I would have planned to fast on another day.  My fast was just a few short hours from being over.  Surely it would be OK to end it early considering the unexpected change in circumstances...

As I considered these thoughts, I somehow had a greater resolve to stick with my commitment.  I stayed true to my fast until we came together as a family to end it.

This is where the story gets interesting to me.  Just a few days later, my Aunt decided that it was time to take her son off of life support.  There was no chance for recovery.  My cousin died.

I have always wondered how my life might have changed if I had broken my fast.  I think I would have always carried the silent guilt of "knowing" that I was the reason our faith wasn't enough.  Instead, I always carried the secret confidence that I demonstrated greater faith and obedience to the law of the fast than I realized was in me, and that because of that, I was confident that the Lord's will had prevailed.  What could have been a terribly upsetting and disillusioning experience, became a great teaching moment in my life.

I look back on these past few years and wonder what it was all for.  Why did I choose the classes I chose and take the path that I did?  Logically, there are things that could have been done differently that may have made the critical difference.  There is the temptation to second guess myself.  But I was there, through those years, and I know how diligently I sought the will of the Lord each and every semester.  I know how earnestly I pleaded to know His plan and then, upon receiving answers,  went to work to try to follow it.  Obedience is the key to accepting the possibility that you may "not survive".  Through faith in the atonement and obedience to whatever direction I receive from the Lord, I know that to "not shrink" is the greatest path of all.

In life there is knowing, and there is doing.  I think I know.  And I even have some experience in the doing.  But every test is different somehow, even when it seems so familiar.  Wish me luck as I continue to try to "do".

Prayer

I had a mission companion who really struggled to remember her morning prayers.

I seriously could NOT understand this.

You wake up, roll out of bed, and there you are on your knees.

How can this not be ingrained in everyone?

It's just SO easy!

Then I had children.

Suddenly the waking up process changed from gently rolling out of bed.

It turned into jumping into action to meet the cries of a child.

Nine years later, I still find myself struggling to find consistency in my morning prayers.

This morning flowed smoothly.

The boys got up easily and Ammon got ready quickly.

(Neither of those are things that can be taken for granted around here.)

Ammon wanted to eat breakfast at school so we tried that out today.

I loved going to school early.

We missed all the crazy rush of dropping kids off.

Then we got home and Peter was ready for breakfast.

Sadly, that is where my first prayer of the day came in.

I don't recall all the things I prayed for.

I have many things I am grateful for.

I also have many things I could use help from heaven with.

But I do remember that I prayed for Ammon to be safe.

I prayed for him to be protected.

And as I said those words which were ordinary but also felt prompted,

I could almost see a shield of protection coming from home

And extending over him at school.

It was like we were all being placed in a bubble of safety.

I've never experienced anything quite like that before.

I expect today to be quite ordinary.

But I have to wonder if some harm would have come his way

had that prayer not been said.

I'll likely never know.

I am grateful for the power of prayer.

I truly felt it today.

Like a Butterfly

Lately I have been feeling spiritually empty.

Starved, even.

Physically, I have been eating better.

I have gotten to the point where when I am hungry
I don't just need food.
I actually long for and crave proper nutrition.
(I've been eating more fruits and vegetables than I ever have in my life.)

On a spiritual level I started feeling that same longing.

After three weeks of not being able to attend church for various reasons

(sick children, stake conference, sick child)

I finally was able to go back on Sunday.

It felt good, but it wasn't enough.

I usually get such a boost from attending church.

But I still needed more.

On Thursday I was able to attend the temple.

It was wonderful!

Andrew has Thursdays off now which is so nice.

Ever since we learned of his new schedule we wanted to use Thursday afternoon for a temple date.

Things were just too crazy the first week while we were adjusting to all the schedule changes.

The second week didn't work because the boys had a short day in school.

But finally we were able to go this week.

To make it even better, my grandparents were able to come.

My Grandpa LOVES the temple but has felt like he was unable to go for some time.

We finally convinced him that he would have all the help he needed and that things would go well.

He was beaming the whole time!

I LOVED it.

As I was sitting in the temple, I thought back to this video I had watched earlier in the week:

Ever since I first heard this talk by President Uchtdorf, I have found it to be a curious analogy.

I feel so bad for the man in the story.

I see him taking responsibility, making sacrifices and working hard.

Those are such admirable traits!

It breaks my heart to see such an admirable person miss out on so much.

It is interesting to consider what I might be missing out on - 

despite my best intentions and desires to do things right.

As I sat in the temple on Thursday I thought about how much I miss out on by not being there more often.

It really is a place that brings me peace and joy.

I also experience comfort, rest and guidance there.

I am excited to have a plan for more frequent attendance.

This morning I still felt like I needed more.

I went to lds.org to see what spiritual strength I could soak up.

I stumbled upon this butterfly talk.

I wanted to share it with someone I love, so I made this picture for her.

There has been nothing in my life more powerful than when I finally let go of who I wanted to be

and I began to focus on being who the Lord would have me become.

There is joy in this approach.

It is an ongoing process.

I am grateful for the reminder.

I feel blessed that when I feel empty, I have so many tools at my disposable to rejuvenate me.

I spent some time searching through the youth curriculum for the church.

It looks so amazing!

There are so many study tools to help me feast on God's word.

I know I need to dig more heavily into the scriptures.

I don't live up to that privilege nearly as much as I should.

But I'm going to try to be a butterfly;

I'm going to work on it one correct choice at a time.

Sunday

Yesterday as I sat in church waiting for Sunday School to begin I started watching the people around me.  I knew that the woman preparing to teach the lesson had lost her child to a difficult disease over a decade ago.  I didn't know her at that time, but I have vague memories of her son passing away because he was friends and peers with several of my friends.  This weekend in a random conversation, I was reminded that his death actually happened ON Christmas day.  Can you imagine the heartache and the emotional time Christmas must be for her now?  I watched her faithfully setting things up and bustling around the room with her lesson ready and was touched by her strength as I considered the heart-wrenching pain she had experienced.  To look at her you would never know she had faced such a loss.

My eyes began to wander around the room to others that were there.  I saw an elderly couple sitting side by side.  Just a few weeks ago I dropped a salad off at the church for the funeral of his mother, who had lived with them.  Last week the sister shared her testimony in Relief Society and expressed the heartache she felt despite the fact that her mother-in-law was quite old and her death had been expected.  It was still a loss and she felt the pain keenly.

Just behind that couple sat a woman who's father had slipped off a ladder and hit his head.  He passed away just a few days later.  His funeral was just a few short days ago.

I sat in the next row behind her, but behind me was another woman I admire.  She is caring for her elderly mother, who is starting another round of radiation for a recurring cancer.

I looked over to the other side of the room and saw the man who was just newly called into our bishopric.  About a month ago he had called my husband, networking for jobs.  His employment recently went through a change in their pay structure, and he is suddenly facing unexpected financial strain and desperately striving to find a way to keep up on their expenses.  I was touched that at a time in his life when things may seem out of control and overwhelming, he is willing to faithfully offer countless hours of service to his neighbors each week.

And a row or two in front of him was the man who had lived without the gospel during thirty years of inactivity, but shares his testimony every week through his comments and participation in the lessons.

Many of the other people in that room are still strangers to me.  But I know of several tragedies that have been faced by the individuals in my ward - death of loved ones (spouses, parents etc), health concerns, employment issues, divorce, infertility, heartbreak for one thing or another.  Knowing these histories I scanned the room and was strengthened.  These people have been through the fires of life, and yet here they were, stronger and more faithful than ever in their commitment to Jesus Christ.

The lesson began and we talked about many beautiful things.  We discussed the Savior appearing to the people in America after his resurrection.  While He was there He taught them the same things he spoke of at the Sermon on the Mount.  We read a verse in the Doctrine and Covenants which said,

"When men are called unto mine everlasting gospel, and covenant with an everlasting covenant, they are accounted as the salt of the earth and the savor of men"

and then a few chapters later we read:

"For they were set to be a light unto the world, and to be the saviors of men; and inasmuch as they are not the saviors of men, they are as salt that has lost its savor."

We discussed what it meant for us to be saviors of men and suddenly the strengthening I had felt, simply by being in the company of the people around me, began to make sense.  The Savior did not just tell us the way - he showed us the way. 

In prophesying of the Savior, King Benjamin said:

"And lo, he shall suffer temptations, and pain of body, hunger, thirst, and fatigue, even more than man can suffer, except it be unto death; for behold, blood cometh from every pore, so great shall be his anguish for the wickedness and the abominations of his people."

One of the things that made the Savior our Savior was that He came to this earth.  He experienced life.  He does not ask of us to do anything that He didn't do himself.  (In fact, He asks much less.)  CS Lewis said,

“No man knows how bad he is till he has tried very hard to be good. A silly idea is current that good people do not know what temptation means. This is an obvious lie. Only those who try to resist temptation know how strong it is.  After all... you find out the strength of a wind by trying to walk against it, not by lying down. A man who gives in to temptation after five minutes simply does not know what it would have been like an hour later. That is why bad people, in one sense, know very little about badness — they have lived a sheltered life by always giving in. We never find out the strength of the evil impulse inside us until we try to fight it: and Christ, because He was the only man who never yielded to temptation, is also the only man who knows to the full what temptation means — the only complete realist.”

The Savior spent a lifetime of hardship and difficulty.  But ultimately, He didn't falter.  He lived the life the Father asked Him to live.

Likewise, as I scanned the room, I saw a group of people who had been battered and bruised.  Much like the Army of Helaman - all have been injured.  In this group of people who, both past and present, have experienced difficulty beyond their comprehension, I saw valiant children of a loving Heavenly Father who had not given up or been lost, but who had been strengthened.  And I realized, these are they who can then turn and become saviors of men.  They can truly say, "I know you can be healed, because I was healed."  They can testify of THE Savior because through their experiences, they came to truly know Him.  They have firsthand experience with His power.  They know that the peace He offers is stronger than any storm.

I sometimes reflect on the difficulties I have faced in my own life.  A lot of them didn't seem fair and I wondered what I had done wrong or why I was being punished.  Certain experiences seemed to come at costs that could never be compensated for.  Damages seemed irreparable and sometimes having an eternal perspective only seemed to heighten the heartache, not resolve it.  But in retrospect I see things differently.  Never have I faced a struggle that the atonement of Jesus Christ hasn't healed me of.  Line upon line I learned and experienced His healing power in ways that had been previously beyond my comprehension.  Daily I continue to see miracles occur, prayers answered, and blessings given.  I realized that in my own small way, perhaps I can stand as a savior to men, through my testimony of THE Savior of men.

It felt good to be in the company of these people - this group who can act as saviors of men not because they had it easier or better than other people, but because they have gone through fires and struggles.  From the outside they look simple and ordinary.  But their strength is sure, and it made a difference to me.  I'm so grateful to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and to be blessed by the people I see at church each week.

General Relief Society Meeting - Sister Burton

When we got engaged, I had already picked a date.  In fact, I had called the temple and scheduled our wedding.  (You can read about that here.) Imagine my disappointment when we realized that we were planning our wedding reception smack in the middle of the General Relief Society Meeting. We were faced with the question of whether or not we should change our date. It just didn't seem appropriate to have an evening where we would prevent others from attending such a special night. In the end, I couldn't give up my date. I really wanted to marry in September and there was just something about the number 29 that I loved. We realized that it meant a lifetime of difficulty celebrating our anniversary - that the weekends surrounding it would always be the General Relief Society Meeting and General Conference. We tried to stagger the time of our reception so that the bulk of it would fall after the meeting was over. We included a note in our invitations encouraging the women to first attend the meeting and then join us at our reception afterwards. The plan was that myself and the family members who were missing the meeting would be able to watch it later online. (I don't know about the others, but I am pretty sure that never happened for me.)

I still love our wedding date, and really the difficulty of it has been fairly minimal. With modest finances, we've always had modest celebrations. Last year we were able to get away for a couple of days, but we actually made that work during the week, so it was fine as well. This is the first year that our anniversary once again fell on the exact same day as the meeting. And without hesitation my husband sacrificed our time together and encouraged me to attend. I often attend with the women in my family. My sister's stake always puts on a really nice dinner and then we watch the broadcast together in their chapel. This year, however, both her stake and my stake were given tickets to attend the broadcast live. I had mixed feelings about this. It is nice to attend general conference and other such meetings live, but I've been blessed to be able to do that a lot and sometimes it is just more of a hassle to go downtown and fight through the crowds. My sister had some scheduling conflicts and decided she couldn't make it work. My sister-in-law, having just had a new baby, also decided she couldn't take that much time away either. I honestly didn't want to go downtown except for one silly reason. This was the first General Relief Society Meeting with the new presidency and I was excited to actually be there at the beginning of this new era in Relief Society. My mom, knowing how much I love Relief Society and understanding the importance of this to me, came with me.

We were sitting down on the main level over on the far right. That means we were able to see all of the general authorities and other people coming out onto the stand. Elder Anderson was the first one I spotted, busily going back and forth. After a while I noticed that President Monson's daughter was on the stand sitting next to an elderly woman who I quickly realized was the wife of our prophet. As the meeting came closer to a start, we stood as President Monson came out with both President Eyring and President Uchtdorf.

The meeting began with Sister Burton conducting. Once she told us the order of the meeting she began with these modest words, firm with understanding, "My beloved sisters, you have been on my mind and in my heart for months as I have pondered this challenging responsibility. Though I don’t feel equal to the responsibility placed upon me, I know that the call has come from the Lord through His chosen prophet, and for now, that is enough. The scriptures teach that “whether by [the Lord’s] voice or by the voice of [His] servants, it is the same.”

I love belonging to The Church of Jesus Christ and knowing that he has called women to lead with the inherent compassion, love and understanding that comes from the feminine heart. I love Relief Society and I love womanhood. It is something that took me a while to grow into, but I am so grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who has instructed us that gender is not accidental and that it is an inherent part of who we are - worthy of celebration and wrought with responsibility.

Before completely introducing her talk, Sister Burton said, "As a new Relief Society presidency, we have sought the Lord earnestly to know what essential things He would have us put in our Relief Society handcart to continue moving His work forward. We have felt that Heavenly Father would first have us help His beloved daughters understand the doctrine of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. As we do so, we know our faith will increase, as will our desire to live righteously. Second, as we have considered the critical need to strengthen families and homes, we have felt that the Lord would have us encourage His beloved daughters to cheerfully cleave to their covenants. When covenants are kept, families are strengthened. Finally, we feel He would have us work in unity with the other auxiliaries and with our priesthood leaders, striving to seek out and help those in need to progress along the path. It is our fervent prayer that each of us will open our hearts and let the Lord engrave in them the doctrines of the Atonement, covenants, and unity."

In these words I expect we see the theme that will likely flow from these leaders mouths for the next five years. I have really only been aware of the last two presidencies in terms of their teachings and how they evolved, the second building on the first. The messages from our General Relief Society presidencies are like the messages from the prophets. We find that each has their own theme, but if you look back and consider what the messages being taught are, you find that Heavenly Father called certain people, inspired certain messages, and had it come together in a specific order, teaching us "line upon line". I was excited to have this new message revealed and consider how it has come to be built upon the foundation of the previous presidency.

In her talk, Sister Burton highlighted three main points about the Atonement. They are:

1. All that is unfair about life can be made right through the Atonement of Jesus Christ.

2. There is power in the Atonement to enable us to overcome the natural man or woman and become true disciples of Jesus Christ.

3. The Atonement is the greatest evidence we have of the Father’s love for His children.

I hope that I can live up to my responsibilities in deepening my personal understanding of these principles and then in teaching them to my children. What a blessing to have such great leadership to follow. There is so much power in the message that was shared, and this is just the beginning. Three more beautiful testimonies and teachings were shared. Thoughts on those will come in another post.

Big thanks to my husband for giving up our anniversary celebration so that I could attend this meeting.  Another big thanks to my mom who took the time to go with me simply because she knew it mattered to me.  I know that the spirit would have been just as strong had I been watching a broadcast somewhere else.  The messages would have been just as poignant and impactful.  But I now have a precious memory of sitting in the conference center next to my mom while these instructions were given.  Similar to being able to sustain President Monson in person, I feel fortunate to live in a place where I can have these sorts of memorable experiences.

Andrew's Talk About Sacrifice

I would like to start my remarks this morning by posing a question. My question for all of us is:

How do we show our commitment to the Savoir?

I submit to you brothers and sisters that our commitment is demonstrated at least in part by our willingness to sacrifice and by our acts of service.

I would like to share with you a few examples of that I believe illustrate this point.

Prophet Joseph

The Prophet Joseph Smith’s life gives us an example of one who showed his commitment through sacrifice and service. His life was full given to the Lord and His purposes. He stands as an example if one who consistently did what he was asked regardless of the cost to himself. He was willing not only to die for the cause of Christ and the Gospel he was willing to live for it. His life provided a great example of sacrifice and commitment to the Lord.

Our Commitments

Most of us will not be asked to die for our testimonies of the gospel however, we are asked to sacrifice in a number of ways. Each sacrifices whether great or small will show the Lord that we are committed to Him.

Typically we are asked to serve in callings, as home and visiting teachers, on committees or in an auxiliary presidency, bishopric or some other capacity. We are asked to serve in the temple, both as patrons and as temple workers. We are also asked to serve each other as neighbors and friend. Each of these types of service will require sacrifice on our part. When we sacrifice for the benefit of other and serve faithfully in church callings and assignments the Lord recognizes our commitment to Him and His work.

Whatever the case may be sacrifice is never easy. But, we are willing to make the sacrifice because we love the Lord and want to serve Him.

Missionary Sacrifice

One of the most visible sacrifices today is that of our full-time missionaries. We have 50,000 young men and young women who have put off education and other worthy pursuits to share the gospel message. An additional 5,000 couples have put off their retirement to serve.

“They devote from six months to two years of their lives to teaching the gospel of Jesus Christ and providing humanitarian service in more than 160 countries in the world. Their work always involves sacrifice, including the years they give to the work of the Lord and also the sacrifices made in providing funds for their support.”

When President Hinckley was asked by a minister of another faith how we motivate our missionaries to provide this extraordinary service he simply replied “We just ask.”

Member Sacrifices

We serve and sacrifice in a variety of way in our own lives each day. This service can be in many forms. Some of our opportunities to serve come as a direct result of a church calling or assignment.

 I would like to share some experiences I have had with sacrifice related to church callings. I am sure many of you could provide similar experiences from your church service. 

Home Teaching

As a home teacher, Late one night I received a phone call from the Sister Avery; she told me that her husband had been very ill with an infection. She asked me to provide a priesthood blessing. I called another brother in our ward and together we gave the blessing. Brother Avery had a short stay in the hospital but made speedy recovery. The following Sunday I noticed the family was not at church. It was announced in Priesthood meeting that Sister Avery had become very ill and was in the hospital to have her gallbladder removed. After Church I went to hospital to see what I could. A blessing had already been provided by her husband another family member. Later that same month their infant daughter was ill and I was asked to assist Brother Avery in providing a blessing for their daughter.

Husband to the RS President

In our last ward I was extended a calling that gave me great satisfaction and also required more sacrifice than any I had held before. Our Bishop called Jenny and I into his office and extended to her, the calling of Relief Society President. He then looked at me and said with all seriousness, "Andrew, this is a calling for you too. You will be the husband of the Relief Society President. You will be her counselor and partner in this. You will not know everything that she does, but she will need your help with this calling." I took my calling seriously and helped as much as I could. I think in most cases she found the advice of her counselors to be more valuable than what I offered, but when she could include me she did.

I found that the sacrifices I was making more often than not was holding things like making dinner when she was gone in the evening for meetings or visiting with a sister who needed her. There were some nights when she was going about the Lord’s work in our little ward and we did not have time together. I saw her sacrifice time that should have been used studying to help the sisters in our ward. It was not unusual for her to look out our window into the apartment common area and see a sister that she felt impressed to just go visit with. We had a sister who had specific needs that arose in the ward and I saw the Lord work though Jenny to identify other women in the ward who were able to provide assistance.

The times when Jenny was gone, our boys would miss her at dinner and bedtime especially. I did my best to teach them that mom was doing her calling - that we all missed her but what she was doing was important.

It is times like these that we show the Lord that we are committed to Him and His gospel.

New Member Sacrifices

Others who make sacrifices are new converts to the church in a recent conference address Elder Oaks relate the following account of a young man who joined the church while studying in the United States.

“As this man was about to return to his native land, President Gordon B. Hinckley asked him what would happen to him when he returned home as a Christian. ‘My family will be disappointed,’ the young man answered. ‘They may cast me out and regard me as dead. As for my future and my career, all opportunity may be foreclosed against me.’

‘Are you willing to pay so great a price for the gospel?’ President Hinckley asked.

Tearfully the young man answered, ‘It’s true, isn’t it?’ When that was affirmed, he replied, ‘then what else matters?’”

Parents’ Story

My parents joined the Church separately as teenagers to this day they are each the only members of their families who have joined the Church on this side of the veil.

My father completed a full time mission in Germany. After her returned home they were engaged.

Together, they made the difficult choice to forgo a traditional wedding that their families and friends could attend and chose to be sealed for time and all eternity to in the House of the Lord.  As my mother once stated "We would rather disappoint our earthly parents than our Heavenly parents."

They made the long drive from Burlington, Vermont to Washington, DC knowing that whatever the fallout might be the Lord was pleased with their choice.

As a result of that choice my mom’s mother would not speak to our family for several years following their wedding.

However, the greater impact was the example that was set for future generations. Their choice, to be sealed in the temple, has had a positive influence on their three children and 13 grandchildren. Because of their sacrifice they have sent two sons on missions and seen their three children sealed in the temple. Their commitment to the Savior was made clear by their sacrifices.

Temple Service/Sacrifice

We also show our commitment by serving in the temple. Here in the Salt Lake Valley we are blesses to have 4 temples. Yesterday morning I wanted to go to the temple and because Oquirrh Mountain is closed I had to go ALL the way to Jordan River.

While temples are beginning to “dot the earth” as President Brigham Young prophesied, there are still many members who do not have the luxury of having 4 temples within a 20 min driving distance.

Bishop Wassain’s Story

I recall when I arrived in Baton Rouge, LA, in September of 1998, as a missionary the members were very excited for the temple recently announced, and under construction in Houston, TX because it would only be about 4 hours away instead of  instead of the nearly 8 hours they were traveling to Dallas, TX to attend the temple. On Oct. 14^th 1998 the Baton Rouge, LA temple was announced. The temple was dedicated on July, 16^th of 2000, just one month before I left. During that time I was serving in Houma, LA about 80 miles southwest of Baton Rouge.  During fast and testimony meeting the August following temple dedication the Bishop of the stood up and said:

“The most amazing thing happened to me yesterday. I woke up in my own bed yesterday morning. I drove to the temple and did several endowment sessions. I drove home and this morning I woke up in my own bed.”

At first his statement that this was “Amazing” to him struck me as odd. Then I realized he has never done that before. He had always had to make long drives both ways and would need to stay in a hotel for at least one night, if not two.

No matter how far we have to travel, whether two miles or 200 miles, temple attendance is a sacrifice of time and provides a great service for those who have gone before us.

I know that as we sacrifice and serve the Lord to the very best of our abilities he will bless us the greater strength, and an increased ability to serve and do his work. Our sacrifices both great and small show Him that we love him and that we are committed to the gospel.

Jenny's Talk About Adversity

More than a decade ago I listened to the words of President James E. Faust who said that he “felt great strength and power in the presence of the Divine.”  He elaborated, saying, “A special, sacred feeling has been a sustaining influence and often a close companion."

I often find myself studying the lives and examples of apostles, and when I hear or read a statement like this, I can’t help but wonder how I can achieve those same results.  I want to feel the great strength and power that comes from being in the presence of the Divine.  And I want to have a special, sacred feeling become a sustaining influence and close companion in my life.  The answer on how to achieve this may be surprising.  When we back up and look at that complete statement in context, this is what President Faust had to say,

“In the Gethsemanes of life which we all have, and often in my present calling, I have gone to my knees with a humble spirit to the only place I could for help.  I often went in agony of spirit, earnestly pleading with God to sustain me in the work I have come to appreciate more than life itself. I have, on occasion, felt a terrible aloneness of the wounds of the heart, of the sweet agony, the buffetings of Satan, and the encircling warm comfort of the Spirit of the Master.

I have also felt the crushing burden, the self-doubts of inadequacy and unworthiness, the fleeting feeling of being forsaken, then of being reinforced an hundredfold. I have climbed a spiritual Mount Sinai dozens of times, seeking to communicate and to receive instructions. It has been as though I have struggled up an almost real Mount of Transfiguration and, upon occasion, felt great strength and power in the presence of the Divine. A special, sacred feeling has been a sustaining influence and often a close companion."

Last April, President Eyring taught, “If we have faith in Jesus Christ, the hardest as well as the easiest of times in life can be a blessing.”  President Faust clearly understood this principle.  His life was not void of adversity, yet, as he acted in faith, those moments of adversity actually served to bring him closer to the Savior and helped him become more like our Father in Heaven.

President Eyring has been a favorite of mine for years, but one thing I didn’t know about him was that he worked with a contractor building footings and foundations when he was a young man.  As he explained that process he said, “In a similar way, the ground must be carefully prepared for our foundation of faith to withstand the storms that will come into every life.  That solid basis for a foundation of faith is personal integrity.”

I don’t know about you, but I had never really thought of integrity as being the solid basis that helped me through my adversities.  But as he continued, I began to understand.  He elaborated that personal integrity is choosing the right consistently.  He said, “Our choosing the right consistently whenever the choice is placed before us creates the solid ground under our faith…  Those choices, hundreds in most days, prepare the solid ground on which our edifice of faith is built.”

As I ponder this in retrospect, I begin to see how the little choices I make each day really have blessed me when facing difficulties in life.  My sister experienced a very poignant example of this in her own life. 

I was four or five months pregnant with my son Peter when my sister suddenly announced that she was going to welcome a son into her home the following month.  She was surprising us all with the news of an unexpected adoption.  She explained the circumstances of the adoption.  She shared with us the questions and prayers - the acting on faith that had led to this circumstance.  She spoke of the hours she had spent in the temple and the whisperings that had come to her over weeks and months.  She was filled with faith, and as she shared her wonderful news with us it was immediately accompanied by a spirit that touched us all.  We didn’t know this unborn baby – we didn’t even know the birth mom of this child.  But we felt an eternal connection that radiated through our entire extended family. 

My sister already had two daughters, so a son meant painting the baby room blue, packing up all the pink clothes, and going shopping for appropriate boy things.  Preparations were made in a whirlwind and we anxiously counted down the days to the due date.

Then, my sister received a phone call.  For a routine doctor visit, the birth mom had gone to her appointment, and they were unable to find a heartbeat.  The baby was delivered stillborn a few days later. 

It was a shocking an unexpected blow.  Why had all these promptings come to follow a path when it would end in such unfathomable heartache?  My sister plunged into some of the darkest moments of her life in the days that followed.  And many of us, though we didn’t despair to the same extent, felt keenly the pain and suffering that she was experiencing. 

And this is the part of the story, where choosing the right, every day, little by little, made a difference for us.  Nothing about the situation made any level of sense.  But the following weekend was fast and testimony meeting and my mom, my sister and I all mentioned to each other later, that in the midst of our questions and confusion, we had each had the opportunity to share our testimonies of the love and goodness of God.  In our adversity, we fell back on the knowledge that we had gained through a lifetime of personal integrity in following and trusting our Heavenly Father.  And only that could sustain us.

I remember my sister talking about sitting on the chair in the baby room freshly painted with blue walls.  She was rocking back and forth faithfully trying to understand what miracle Heavenly Father was preparing her for.  Nothing could calm her troubled heart.  With good intentions, people all around her offered words of consolation and counsel.  But nothing eased the intense pain she was experiencing.  She had faith that the Lord had raised people from the dead and really couldn’t see anything short of that satisfying her aching heart or healing her from the agony she was in.

And yet, she was healed.

This week she sat in my living room, as we discussed the topic of my talk, and she recounted what a strengthening experience that was for her.  She expressed the understanding that trials have since been easier as she has learned (and this is a direct quote from her) “God knows the end from the beginning and He, by His very nature, is a kind and loving father who wants what is ultimately the very best for us - even when it doesn't seem like the best thing to us, with our limited vision.”

As it turned out, that experience ultimately led to a different adoption and brought her son into our family.  In the midst of it, when people tried to comfort her by saying that she could have another child, she mentally cried out in anguish exclaiming that another child wouldn’t compensate for the loss of THIS child.  It didn’t, and it never could.  But the atonement of Jesus Christ compensates for all loss in ways that cannot be described, but must be experienced.  Her experience was that she has been healed from the pain.  As my mom said to me this week, “Christ takes the sting out of adversity as well as death.  He will make it worth your while.”  We all wondered how it would ever be possible to heal from such a difficult experience and yet now we look back on it with gratitude.

After explaining that the hardest as well as the easiest times in life can be a blessing, President Eyring went on to say, “In all conditions, we can choose the right with the guidance of the Spirit.  We have the gospel of Jesus Christ to shape and guide our lives if we choose it.  And with prophets revealing to us our place in the plan of salvation, we can live with perfect hope and a feeling of peace.  We never need to feel that we are alone or unloved in the Lord’s service because we never are.  We can feel the love of God.  The Savior has promised angels on our left and our right to bear us up.  And He always keeps His word.”

There are different types of adversity.  Some trials come as a result of our poor choices and even sins.  Some trials come to us because of the sins of someone else.  Other trials seem to come by the hand of God.  Some are even just a natural product of Earth life.  But regardless of the apparent source of your trial, you can be strengthened to get through it, and more importantly you can be healed from your heartache through the atonement of Jesus Christ.

We all know those famous words to Joseph Smith in response to his questions about why certain difficulties had happened to him.

“Know though my son (or daughter) that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.”

And then,

“The Son of Man hath descended below them all.  Art thou greater than He?”

I have had experiences that I really genuinely didn’t believe could possibly be for my good.  I just didn’t.  And one day I listened to a song from Women at the Well where Mary and Martha sang to the Lord, “If though hadst been here!”  And they knew, like I knew, that the Savior could have prevented their pain.  But what they learned, and what it took me a full year past that point to understand, was that the atonement is so powerful that not only can it protect us from pains and sorrows, but it can heal us from the most heart-wrenching and anguishing of experiences.

When I asked friends and family what thoughts they had about adversity, my sister-in-law shared this quote by Elder Orson F. Whitney, “No pain that we suffer. . .is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of patience, faith, fortitude, and humility. All that we suffer. . .especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called Children of God. . .and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we came here to acquire and which will make us more like our Father and Mother in heaven."

I love the sweet story President Eyring told about words spoken at his mother’s funeral.  She had died after a ten year battle with cancer.  President Kimball spoke at the funeral and said, “Some of you may have thought that Mildred suffered so long and so much because of something she had done wrong that required the trials.”  He then said, “No, it was that God just wanted her to be polished a little more.”

President Eyring said that his response to that statement was simply to wonder, “If a woman that good needed that much polishing, what is ahead for me?”

Likewise, as I have faced some of my greatest challenges in life, I have looked around and realized I am not alone.  “The Lord chastens those he loves.”

President Eyring said, “I cannot promise an end to your adversity in this life.  I cannot assure you that your trials will seem to you to be only for a moment.  One of the characteristics of trials in life is that they seem to make clocks slow down and then appear almost to stop.”

He continued, “There are reasons for that.  Knowing those reasons may not give much comfort, but it can give you a feeling of patience.  Those reasons come from this one fact: in Their perfect love for you, Heavenly Father and the Savior want you fitted to be with Them to live in families forever.  Only those washed perfectly clean through the Atonement of Jesus Christ can be there.”

In studying for and preparing this talk, I came to realize that adversity is what gives us experience with the atonement so that we can have confidence in its power when we need it to cleanse us from our sins.  It really is through a perfect love and understanding, that Heavenly Father allows us to experience all things – again, with the promise that they will be for our good.

I have a testimony of these things.  I know that Heavenly Father loves us beyond our comprehension.  I believe that all experiences He allows us to have truly are for our good and given to us as a great blessing.  He will sustain each of us even as we experience our own personal Gethsemanes of life.

In the name of Jesus Christ,

Amen.

Getting Ready for Easter

The day before Easter was a fun, but busy day.  Andy spent the morning helping my brother move into his new house.  The boys played while I helped unpack the kitchen and then we headed out to a birthday party for my cute little nephew Quincy.  From there we rushed to my mom's house where we hurried and colored eggs before the annual Easter Egg Hunt began.  I already missed carving pumpkins for Halloween, I couldn't skip the eggs!  Fortunately for me, my Grandma was planning to make deviled eggs so she bought the eggs, boiled them, gave them to the boys to dye, we took them home for the Easter Bunny to hide, hunted them, peeled them, and brought them back in time to make the deviled eggs for Easter dinner.  It worked out quite nicely.  (Thanks Grandma!)  We got done with our eggs just in the nick of time and all of the cousins arrived for the big hunt.  We had all the grandchildren plus two foster care children that were staying with my sister.  My mom did 28 eggs EACH which added up to a LOT of eggs all over her yard.  In the past, the eggs have always been hidden in the back yard, but this year we overflowed into the front yard as well.  We had tons of fun and the kids all LOVED the prizes my mom had for them.  (Note the picture of Peter blowing bubbles and wearing sunglasses - both items courtesy of the egg hunt!)

One thing my aunt did this year for Easter was provide her twin boys (who are preparing for their missions) with eggs containing testimonies of family members.  Here are the testimonies my boys contributed:

My Testimony

By Ammon Shadel

A testimony is something you know is true.

I know that Heavenly Father and Jesus live.

My Testimony

By Peter Shadel

I know that the Holy Ghost will come to you when you are eight years old.

I know that President Monson is a true prophet.

(I think he will be our prophet forever.)

and last, but not least, here is the testimony I shared:

I know Heavenly Father is real and He loves His children.  He is aware of us and knows our name.  This sounds so simple and yet when you consider the intimate knowledge He has of EVERY person who ever has and ever will live on this earth, it is astonishing.

I know Jesus is our Savior and Redeemer.  His obedience and sacrifice makes it possible not only to gain eternal life, but exaltation as well.  Through the power of His Atonement, my heart has been healed from pains and struggles.  Through Him I can be sanctified and justified.  The power of His love is miraculous.

I know Joseph Smith restored the gospel of Jesus Christ.  The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is organized through revelation and the laying on of hands.  He translated The Book of Mormon which testifies of the Savior’s divine mission and His will for us.  It is true scripture.

I know that President Monson is a prophet of the Lord.  He has heard the call of our Heavenly Father and obeyed.  He leads by example and most importantly through revelation as He fulfills the will of the Savior.  Ours is a church guided by our Lord and Savior.  We are blessed to have His guidance and teachings made clear through modern day revelation.

The church is true.  Living the teachings found therein brings joy, peace and comfort regardless of the trials and circumstances in life.  In my life I have been strengthened and healed by the power of the Atonement.  I have been led by the Holy Spirit and guided as to the things I should be doing by a Heavenly Father who knows my situations intimately.  I love the gospel!

In the name of Jesus Christ,

Amen.

One Step

"Strengthen home and family."

These are the words that have been beating in my mind like a drum as of late.  Every breathe, every heartbeat, every moment I am consumed with the thoughts, "strengthen home and family."

The words are familiar to me.  They are the purpose of Relief Society (the women's organization in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints).  But now they are becoming personal.  These words aren't just generic ideals, but a specific directive to me, with individual meaning.

Three years ago I began my journey seeking a college degree.  I started back to college pursuing the degree that was my obvious choice: Psychology.  But once back, I felt driven to pursue another personal goal of mine - a Computer Science degree.  Either way, my plan was to spend three more years finishing my goal.  If I went the route of Psychology it would be one year to finish my BS degree and two years of grad school.  If it was my Computer Science degree, it would be three years to finish the undergrad.  Or, as it turns out, I could spend three years towing the line of both and feeling that little progress is being made with either.

Still, I tried to follow the promptings I received as I selected my path each semester.  And although the progress in school has felt minimal at best, I have felt myself being a student of the Lord through the experiences and opportunities He has granted me during these times.

Shortly after I became the Relief Society President in my ward, my path seemed more clear.  I came to realize that my involvement in a women's organization where my opportunity was to help, serve, and teach was what I was passionate about.  My calling as president is expected to be about one year.  I realized that when a year was up, I wouldn't be done.  I came to understand that I want my life work to be about helping women.  That by helping women, I would be strengthening homes and families.

But as time went on, I continued to struggle with the idea of "giving up" in my pursuit of a computer degree.  The next semester I signed up for two classes that would benefit both degrees, and Calculus that does nothing for Psychology, but is a personal goal.  Ever since I was a little girl watching a high school aged neighbor come get tutoring from my dad for her calculus class, I wanted to finish calculus myself.  Sitting at the table, watching him help her with her math problems, I decided I wanted to be the parent who could tutor my own children and wouldn't need to send them to the neighbor.

I kept thinking that as long as I finish this calculus class, I might as well take the next one.  And if I take the next one, I might as well take the science requirements.  And if I take those requirements, I might as well finish the computer science degree.  I just couldn't let it go.

Then my grandparents needed some help and I was fortunate to be in a situation where I could be there to offer some of that assistance.  I was reminded how much I want to work with people - to help and to serve. I have continuously debated because people with computer science degrees can fulfill these goals.  They can help and serve and bless the lives of others.

But finally - FINALLY - after three years of struggle, I feel confident in a direction.  Personal revelation has given me an understanding of what Heavenly Father wants me to do.  I have taken school slowly because of Peter's young age.  Next year I will continue to go slow and finish off my Psychology degree over the two semesters.  This will be his last year before attending school ALL day.  I hope to enjoy this time with him even as I finish my own goal.

It is time for me to start preparing for graduate school.  This means volunteer work and service opportunities.  I am so excited.  I have been hesitant to get involved in anything "extra".  I have already felt pulled too many directions and unable to be as present in the home as a wife and mother as I wish I could be.  And now, I am finding a peace that is telling me that the time is here.  

A month ago I didn't have room for these things in my life, but suddenly Heavenly Father is telling me it's time.  I am grateful to know that Heavenly Father knows my name and is willing to guide me.  For years I have struggled to decide between two degrees, and I just haven't known where to go.  For years the answers I had kept me connected to both degrees.  They kept my progress minimal in a way that allowed us to live where we live (which requires student status at a certain number of credit hours each semester).  Had I selected one or the other degree, we would be done by now.  But Heavenly Father sent us here, to our friends and neighbors because he knew this was where we could grow and learn in the ways HE wanted us to.  And now, after the trial of our faith, He is giving me the next step, which is to finish my BS in Psychology next year.  And while doing that, I will be working to strengthen my own home and family as best as I can and also hope to serve others through volunteer opportunities.  (I have two or three options in mind already and I'm excited to see which ones come to fruition.)

It is a neat thing to feel the Spirit of the Lord directing you day by day.  It is amazing in a different way, to feel the answers coming to the questions that linger for years.  I have been blessed by both and feel awed and grateful to a loving Heavenly Father.

I still have questions.  My path is not completely clear.  But I know that I am one step closer to becoming the person Heavenly Father wants me to be.  And that just feels good.

Giving Thanks - Day 1

The month of Thanksgiving is here, so I am going to *attempt* writing about things I am grateful for throughout the month.  

The first thing that came to mind today is that I am grateful for revelation.  Knowing that God can and does speak directly to me brings a great amount of peace and joy to my life.  It is among my most treasured blessings in life to have His guidance through this world.  In addition to personal revelation, I am so grateful for the revelation given to those who lead.  From parents who lead their families, bishops who lead their wards, and most blessedly to the prophets and apostles who stand as a guiding light to the world.

Here are some of my favorite talks on the topic of revelation.

First, we have Elder Oaks in October of last year expounding on the Two Lines of Communication.  He breaks down and helps clearly understand the methods and roles of individual revelation and revelation that comes through the priesthood authority.  It is a beautiful discourse.

Next, there is Elder Bednar, who gave a great description of how one might expect to receive personal revelation.  My husband likes to listen to books on tape, and one afternoon, while borrowing his car, I sat in a parking lot unwilling to turn the key and go into shop.  One of his CD's was playing and Sheri Dew was teaching about personal revelation.  She spoke of the concept that learning how to receive revelation from the Holy Ghost is like learning another language.  (Duh!  Of course it is - it is the language Heavenly Father uses to speak to us!)  She gave the example of the years it takes in coming to master a language and then, even once that language is mastered that we still need to use it to retain that knowledge.  I think Elder Bednar's talk from last April really helps teach some of the basics of the "language" as he gives a great message on The Spirit of Revelation.

Another of my absolute favorite talks is from Elder Scott in October of 2009.  The first thing I did when I received my calling as Relief Society President, was reference back to this talk.  He poses these questions: "What can you do to enhance your capacity to be led to correct decisions in your life?  What are the principles upon which spiritual communication depends?  What are the potential barriers to such communication that you need to avoid?"  and then answers them by teaching each of us how  To Acquire Spiritual Guidance.  I love the personal experiences he shares in his own quest to receive revelation and then the analogy of the grape in which he explains, "The inspiring influence of the Holy Spirit can be overcome or masked by strong emotions, such as anger, hate, passion, fear, or pride.  When such influences are present, it is like trying to savor the delicate flavor of a grape while eating a jalapeno pepper.  Both flavors are present, but one completely overpowers the other.  In like manner, strong emotions overcome the delicate promptings of the Holy Spirit." 

Finally, I think back to a talk by Elder Anderson where he teaches a beautiful message about our prophets and apostles.  He helps us understand that they really are our watchmen on the tower in his wonderful talk Prophets and Spiritual Mole Crickets.

I feel extremely blessed to have been so well instructed on revelation over the years, and in having felt the love of my Heavenly Father as I have worked to try to understand His communication with me through the Holy Ghost and through His prophets.  I am so thankful for revelation in my life!

Another Miracle

A little more than six years ago, I remember sitting with my sister-in-law, holding my sweet  Ammon, and talking about how anxious I was - even disappointed in my impatience as it was taking longer than desired for me to have another baby.  She was somewhat offended by my comments, making it clear to me that I should be grateful for what I had, and that even just one baby was SUCH a blessing.  Her reaction was an emotional one as she had struggled for years with infertility and unsuccessful adoption attempts.  She was growing discouraged, wondering if this deepest desire of her heart would ever come to pass.

A few weeks/months later, she was a mother herself.  Through adoption, she had finally received the miracle of motherhood and was thrilled beyond belief.  


But her story didn't end there.

16 short months later, she and her husband were contacted with the opportunity to adopt a baby girl who was to be born to the same birth mother of their son.  Of course they jumped on that opportunity and were happy to be blessed with two beautiful children.

Three and a half years passed.  Everyone, including them wondered whether or not more children would come to them.  And then it happened - the miracle of Quincy.  It was a sudden but heart-wrenching journey that resulted in another child finding his way into the arms of his parents.

Soon after Quincy was born, Tim and Jen felt driven to pursue another adoption.  They were certain there was another child that they needed to find.  With some bumps, heartbreaks and difficult choices along the way, they were eventually blessed with their son Sam - now just three and a half months old.  (He is 14 months younger than Quincy.)

Yesterday, Jen learned that, for the first time in her life, she is pregnant!!!  The news is thrilling beyond belief and I just keep thinking back to that conversation, less than seven years ago, when she truly wondered if she would ever get to be a mother in this life.  And yet she is suddenly on the road to becoming the mother of her fifth child!  


It is a testimony to me that Heavenly Father is over all, and that no situation or circumstance is permanent.  Whatever sorrows we are asked to travel through, they will eventually come to a close and Heavenly Father will bless us more abundantly than we would have ever expected or imagined.  The Savior truly is "An High Priest of Good Things to Come".

I just wanted to share with you all the excitement of Jennifer's news.  It is absolutely amazing!