Prayer

I had a mission companion who really struggled to remember her morning prayers.

I seriously could NOT understand this.

You wake up, roll out of bed, and there you are on your knees.

How can this not be ingrained in everyone?

It's just SO easy!

Then I had children.

Suddenly the waking up process changed from gently rolling out of bed.

It turned into jumping into action to meet the cries of a child.

Nine years later, I still find myself struggling to find consistency in my morning prayers.

This morning flowed smoothly.

The boys got up easily and Ammon got ready quickly.

(Neither of those are things that can be taken for granted around here.)

Ammon wanted to eat breakfast at school so we tried that out today.

I loved going to school early.

We missed all the crazy rush of dropping kids off.

Then we got home and Peter was ready for breakfast.

Sadly, that is where my first prayer of the day came in.

I don't recall all the things I prayed for.

I have many things I am grateful for.

I also have many things I could use help from heaven with.

But I do remember that I prayed for Ammon to be safe.

I prayed for him to be protected.

And as I said those words which were ordinary but also felt prompted,

I could almost see a shield of protection coming from home

And extending over him at school.

It was like we were all being placed in a bubble of safety.

I've never experienced anything quite like that before.

I expect today to be quite ordinary.

But I have to wonder if some harm would have come his way

had that prayer not been said.

I'll likely never know.

I am grateful for the power of prayer.

I truly felt it today.

Like a Butterfly

Lately I have been feeling spiritually empty.

Starved, even.

Physically, I have been eating better.

I have gotten to the point where when I am hungry
I don't just need food.
I actually long for and crave proper nutrition.
(I've been eating more fruits and vegetables than I ever have in my life.)

On a spiritual level I started feeling that same longing.

After three weeks of not being able to attend church for various reasons

(sick children, stake conference, sick child)

I finally was able to go back on Sunday.

It felt good, but it wasn't enough.

I usually get such a boost from attending church.

But I still needed more.

On Thursday I was able to attend the temple.

It was wonderful!

Andrew has Thursdays off now which is so nice.

Ever since we learned of his new schedule we wanted to use Thursday afternoon for a temple date.

Things were just too crazy the first week while we were adjusting to all the schedule changes.

The second week didn't work because the boys had a short day in school.

But finally we were able to go this week.

To make it even better, my grandparents were able to come.

My Grandpa LOVES the temple but has felt like he was unable to go for some time.

We finally convinced him that he would have all the help he needed and that things would go well.

He was beaming the whole time!

I LOVED it.

As I was sitting in the temple, I thought back to this video I had watched earlier in the week:

Ever since I first heard this talk by President Uchtdorf, I have found it to be a curious analogy.

I feel so bad for the man in the story.

I see him taking responsibility, making sacrifices and working hard.

Those are such admirable traits!

It breaks my heart to see such an admirable person miss out on so much.

It is interesting to consider what I might be missing out on - 

despite my best intentions and desires to do things right.

As I sat in the temple on Thursday I thought about how much I miss out on by not being there more often.

It really is a place that brings me peace and joy.

I also experience comfort, rest and guidance there.

I am excited to have a plan for more frequent attendance.

This morning I still felt like I needed more.

I went to lds.org to see what spiritual strength I could soak up.

I stumbled upon this butterfly talk.

I wanted to share it with someone I love, so I made this picture for her.

There has been nothing in my life more powerful than when I finally let go of who I wanted to be

and I began to focus on being who the Lord would have me become.

There is joy in this approach.

It is an ongoing process.

I am grateful for the reminder.

I feel blessed that when I feel empty, I have so many tools at my disposable to rejuvenate me.

I spent some time searching through the youth curriculum for the church.

It looks so amazing!

There are so many study tools to help me feast on God's word.

I know I need to dig more heavily into the scriptures.

I don't live up to that privilege nearly as much as I should.

But I'm going to try to be a butterfly;

I'm going to work on it one correct choice at a time.

Master's of Social Work at BYU

I have been surprised with the number of people who didn't know I was going to be applying to BYU.  To fill everyone in a little better, I thought I'd write about how this all came to be.

When I initially started back to school I registered as a Psychology Major.  I had two classes, got perfect grades in both of them, and loved it.  I knew that Psychology would require graduate work to accomplish anything and I was on track to need about three and a half years of full-time schooling to complete that goal.  But graduate school sounded big and scary and I started to think about  another interest I had always had - Computer Science.  I began to waffle in my decision about what direction I wanted to go.  If I switched gears and did Computer Science, it would also be about three full-time years of schooling.  I didn't want to waste my time, so whichever direction I was going to go, I wanted to know right away.  I prayed and prayed  and prayed to know what I should do.  I couldn't get an answer.  When it came time to select my next course load, I made a deal with myself that I could take one semester to try out a computer class.  It was frustrating to be potentially "wasting my time" by taking classes that I ultimately might not need, but I needed to be sure I was getting the right degree.

As it turned out, that semester validated my interest in computers.  But I still didn't feel super confident with either degree.  I started taking it a semester at a time and worked on both degrees.  I decided that I could double major, or get a minor in one and a major in the other.  Depending on the day, the answer would be different as to which degree was the primary focus.

Every semester was prayerfully considered.  After a couple of semesters, my bigger focus was on computers, but for some reason I never did change my status as a psychology major.  I got to the point where I had taken all of the computer classes I could without being in the actual program.  The problem was, I hadn't completed the math requirements to get into the program.  I was going to have to take a year off of computers to finish my math.  I kind of knew from the beginning that I wasn't going to stick with it.  I wanted to, but as much as I enjoyed programming, I was beginning to realize that I didn't have the passion it took.  That was the year I was called to serve as the Relief Society President in my ward.  And my passion emerged.  I had always tried to convince myself that if I had a genuine interest in both (which I did) that I should get the CS degree.  It was a more marketable, more lucrative education.  And I could always "help" people in callings, volunteer work and other hobby type activities.  But when I actually had my calling, I experienced such great hands-on exposure to being able to offer one-on-one assistance to people who really needed it, that my perspective began to change.  I recognized that my calling came with an expiration date.  I started to realize that I wanted to increase my education in the field and make that type of work a staple in my life.

By this point Andrew was a graduate from the U.  I was getting my degree from the U.  We were living in housing at the U.  I knew several people who had graduated from the MSW program at the U.  My plan was to apply and attend at the U.

After a while I started to think that I should keep my options open.  I had a friend who had finished her MSW program at the U, but she had gotten her undergraduate degree in social work at the Y.  After learning a little bit about the program from her, I realized that applying for the Y would be a good idea.  After all, both programs are REALLY competitive, so it just made sense to apply to both.  I started to ask my friend about the differences between the two programs, and I asked her why she had selected the U over the Y.  What I found interesting was that the more she told me about her reasons for choosing the U, the more I realized that the better fit for me was the Y.  I decided to definitely apply to both.

I was excited to mention everything I had learned about BYU's program and why it would be a good fit for me to Andrew when he came home from work that day.  He FREAKED out.  Our home was contingent on me being a student at the U.  We both LOVED living there and didn't have any plans to be moving.  He thought I was completely crazy for even considering the Y.  But after his initial freak out moment, he calmed down and agreed that what I said made a lot of sense.  We agreed that I would apply for both.

As time went on, I felt more and more strongly that the program at the Y was a better fit for me.  I wanted to be able to learn the skills of social work in a gospel context.  Most of my interest in the field stemmed from religious experiences and standards.  While my friend had wanted to be able to go outside of Utah and not be type-cast as a religious social worker, I would be happy to have BYU attached to my professional standing.  While she specifically did not want to work for the church, I would love to work for the church.  While she wanted a program that gave a broader approach, I am interested in the focus on clinical work, which is what the BYU program offers.  It didn't take long before BYU became a definite first-choice on my list.

Then I learned about the financial aspect of this decision.  The program at BYU is about $15,000.  At the U it is closer to $25,000.  At BYU, their students "historically" all get PAID internships.  At the U, the internship opportunities are almost always unpaid.  BYU fully expects you to EARN $11,000 as a part of their $15,000 program.  So it is a likely worst-case scenario that you only end up with $4,000 in tuition costs vs $25,000.  In addition to that, the MSW program at BYU has AWESOME subsidizing in the forms of scholarships.  They only admit 40 people into their program each year so it is extremely hard to get in, but by keeping the group so small, they ensure that almost everyone in the program gets some form of tuition assistance.  When I started to realize that I may actually make money during the program at the Y (something my family desperately needs me to do) or go into huge amounts of debt for the program at the U AND that the program at the Y is the one I really prefer, we decided to just put all of my eggs in one basket.  I decided that if I didn't get into the Y the first year, I would rather wait a year and try again than start the more expensive program at the U.  If that happens, I'll have a year to work which will help me gain more experience and also increase my financial ability for a more expensive program.  During that year, I can also decide if I want to expand my horizons to other schools, other BYU programs (such a marriage and family therapy) or just keep working.

Or maybe I'll just get in the first time.  From what they tell me, I have a 25% chance of being accepted.  Applications are due on Tuesday and after that it's just a waiting game.

Final Semester

My final semester of my undergraduate schooling is now in process.  I have three classes.  I decided to simplify and take them all online.  I was thinking it would be a pretty low key semester.  As I have seen the different classes laid out, however, I think it might be kind of intense.  But I am excited about the classes I have.  I am pleased with the quality of education I will be getting.

One class is a survey of careers in Psychology.  I am actually planning on switching over to Social Work for graduate school and my ultimate career path, but there is a lot of overlap that gets kind of confusing, so I figured it would be worth learning more.  I took a class similar to this for social work last semester and I felt that it really validated my choice and gave me a greater confidence in the path I am on.  I am hoping that as I learn more about the nuances that distinguish the two fields from each other from the Psychology perspective, that I will continue to feel comfortable with the path I'm on.  If I learn that there is something about a direction in psychology that is a better fit, then that is good to know before I start an MSW program.  Either way, this will be good information and a beneficial class.

The next class I am taking is Abnormal Psychology.  It is a course that the MSW program I am applying for recommends having.  One of the first psychology classes I took was Abnormal Child Psychology.  Although there is some overlap, these are actually two distinct classes that deal with different issues.  I am excited to become more educated about some of the things we'll be covering such as substance abuse and depression.

The third class I have is Adult Development and Aging.  Honestly, this is the one I was least excited about.  The MSW program I am applying for suggests getting a development class that covers across the life span.  I haven't actually seen a class like that offered at the U, but I have had Early Childhood Development and Adolescent Development, so I thought I would take this one to try to round it off.  I was thinking it would be covering the older population like my grandparents.  As it turns out, this class actually picks up right after adolescent development, so it is covering the development of my younger siblings, myself, my parents, and my grandparents.  As my teacher said, this class is probably the most applicable college course anyone could possibly take.  It will be something that is directly related to our own personal experiences and will continue to be instructional for us throughout the rest of our lives.  Not only that, but we will have chapters about communication and marriage and other interesting topics that I wouldn't have expected from this class.

Overall, I think it will be a fun semester.  We are a week into classes and I hope I can catch up because I basically ignored school last week as I have worked on my graduate application.  It is due on Tuesday and I'm hoping to submit it tomorrow.  I had to write two different essays.  One is done and ready to turn in.  The other is written, but I am still working on editing with it.  I've been planning for this deadline for about a year now.  It's crazy to have it finally be here!

January 2

It was another day of illness, and though I wanted to post another "every day" picture, I was bored with the idea of highlighting another "sick child" moment, which was pretty much the only kind of moment we had had all day.  I was thinking that I would capture Andrew coming home from work or something like that for my "every day" shot.  Either that, or me on the treadmill...

But at the end of the day Peter decided he had just enough energy to cause some mischief.  He went into where Ammon was resting on my bed and pounced on him.  The result was a GUSHING snot-filled, bloody nose for Ammon.  They both started screaming and in the excitement Peter's nose started to bleed as well.

Ammon passed up the bathroom and came out to the living room where I was.  By the time he got to me, his face was a bloody mess and his hands were covered in it as well.  I quickly marched him back to the bathroom where I figured he could wash in the sink.  He went left of the sink so I figured he was going to grab some toilet paper.  No, he buried his head in a clean towel.  Ugh.  So by this time we had blood on my bed sheets, blood trailing through the hallway, and now a fresh, clean towel covered in blood.  And he wasn't any closer to getting it to stop.  I grabbed the toilet paper, had him rinse the blood from his mouth, and demanded that both boys lay down on the bathroom floor until their Dad got home...

In a matter of moments we went from having a very boring, sick day, to experiencing way too much "excitement".  Next time I will try to appreciate the boring a little more...  

End of Year Festivities

I was at a loss as to what to do for Christmas Eve this year.  I was sad that Andrew was scheduled to work until after the kids usually go to bed (his normal schedule).  I tried to make up some good plans for us, but I never really got around to it.  As it turned out, I didn't need them.  Andrew and my dad got to talking and it came up that Andrew had never eaten one of Dad's omelettes.  Dad doesn't cook much, but his specialty is his omelettes so he invited us over on the morning of Christmas Eve to have breakfast.  While we were there, we opened presents that my parents had for us.  It was a fun morning.

Sadly, Andrew had to head out to work before too long.  But the boys and I stayed.  Everyone was having fun so we stayed longer and longer and longer.  I played games with Grandma and Dad.

After some games, Mom, Grandma and I went shopping while Dad stayed home with Ammon, Peter, and Grandpa.  The roads were covered with freshly falling snow so we thought it would be wise for us to all go together.  My dad wasn't excited about being responsible for Grandpa.  He was particularly concerned about what to do if Grandpa had any need of assistance in the bathroom.  I insisted that he was just being silly and that nothing like that would come up.

Well, I was wrong.  After not too long in the store, my mom came rushing over to let me know that she had just heard from Dad.  Grandpa had fallen - while going to the bathroom.  He was bleeding (in addition to some of the other "mess".)  Fortunately, my dad took it all quite well.  Mom and Grandma rushed home while I stayed to buy Grandma's groceries.  Then my mom came back and we shopped for some last minute gifts and headed home.

By this time we were ready to start on dinner.  Mom and Grandma invited us to stay for some delicious homemade chili and rolls.  About that time Andrew called and said he was coming home two hours early!  He arrived just in time to eat dinner.

Soon after dinner was finished, we headed home to get settled in for the night.  We convinced the boys that Santa doesn't bring presents to dirty homes, so we cleaned our rooms.  Then we opened pajamas.  This is the first year we have done this and the boys were NOT impressed.  The idea grew on them, though.  Andrew tracked Santa with the boys and then we sent them to bed.  It was a WONDERFUL Christmas Eve day!

Christmas day was just as fun.  We started with presents and then I made homemade cinnamon rolls while the boys played with their new toys.  About the time we were starting to pull the rolls out of the oven, we received a message from Andrew's parents that they were headed over.  The boys were so excited to show them all the new toys!  We had a nice time visiting and then prepared lunch.  After lunch Andrew's parents headed out and we continued to enjoy our day playing and having fun as a family.

My parents were never able to come over because they had non-stop visitors at their house.  Just before bedtime we made the impromptu decision to head over to visit them.  The boys got to stay up late and we had a great time.

One of the coolest presents we received from Santa this year was our annual pass to the Clark Planetarium.  The boys were SOOO excited about this.  On the first Saturday after Christmas we decided to go hang out as a family.  The boys loved all the different activities.  After we had played for a while, we went to the holiday light show in the dome.  The boys had been a few weeks earlier with Andrew, but it was my first time seeing it.  It was a fun day!

We were looking forward to spending the New Year with family.  We never actually made any plans, but Andrew's sister-in-law had mentioned the idea of a party, and my parents house is always a spontaneous party waiting to happen, so we figured we had options.  Sadly, the boys decided to get sick that day.  It is about the most sick I have ever seen them!  They put themselves to bed early and Andrew and I enjoyed ringing in the new year quietly on our own.

Bye, bye, 2012!  You started with unemployment and ended with us in our first home!  What a crazy year of surprises it's been.  Can't wait to see what 2013 has in store!

A Day in Pictures - Turning 9

Enjoying a special birthday breakfast made with love by Dad - chocolate chip pancakes.

I know this picture has bad lighting, but I love the expression on Peter's face.

Ammon LOVED his new electronic kit.  He whipped through the first 10 projects in a matter of minutes.  (There are more than 300 to do.)

Two of my favorite people!

Peter was DEVASTATED when he didn't get to go out for Ammon's special birthday lunch with Grandpa Derrick.  We decided to make him a special lunch at home.

Adorable cousins!

Ammon received a megazord for Christmas.  Little did the adults know that there are MORE zords it can join with.  He knew what he was doing when he picked out his Birthday present from Grandpa Derrick!

It worked out so nicely that my sister and her family were at my parents house for dinner.  We were able to sing and have cupcakes and presents and once again Ammon had a "party" in spite of his derelict mother...

Hand and Foot.

Nothing like family card games!

Enjoying Ammon's new game from Grandma Laurel

January 1

Ammon about 20 minutes after he woke up from his 16 hour night-time sleep.

I have a friend who is on her 5th year of a photography challenge to take a picture EVERY day.  She says she loves it because she captures so many every-day things that she would have otherwise forgotten.  I can pretty much guarantee that I will not be perfect in taking a picture EVERY day this year, but here is our "every day" moment of today.

I think my family will always remember the beginning of 2013 as the year we were SICK.  Really it has been the boys.  Andrew and I are worried that we might have something, or be on the verge of catching it, but our experience is nothing like what Ammon and Peter are experiencing.

They each put themselves to bed early last night.  Ammon slept from about 7:00 last night until 11:00 this morning.  He woke up, went to the bathroom, got a drink, and lied back down on the couch where he apologetically said, "Mom, I think I'm going to fall asleep again."  Peter had a similar story.  He woke up around 9:00, lied in the bath for TWO HOURS (I was so worried he was going to fall asleep and drown in there!) and then went back to sleep as soon as he got out.

The good thing about being sick was that they had an all day pass to the TV.  Sadly, there were times that they were too tired to even watch a show.  Once again, they both brought themselves upstairs from the TV room and put themselves to bed.  The Christmas break is over and school starts again tomorrow, but they won't be going.

Peter playing Spot It with Daddy for one of the rare "awake" moments of the day.

Andrew and I stayed in our pajamas all day and played up the sick day as well.  Actually, that's not true.  Andrew ran out to the grocery store for me.  But other than that, we've pretty much been in pajamas.  I'm trying to get back into the pattern of planning meals a week at a time.  We prepped all the meat for the next week.  We also got the Christmas tree down.  The other big success of my day is that I cleaned out the fridge!  Yay!  I think I threw out food from July!

It's been a weird start to the year.  Despite the few things I did accomplish, the house is in complete disarray and with the kids staying home from school and the threat of illness looming over me, I feel behind in completing my graduate school application and preparing for the beginning of next semester.  I enjoyed having Andrew home today and will miss him when he returns to work tomorrow.

I am curious to know what 2013 will bring.  Last year brought some unexpected surprises.  Some were good, others not so good.  Overall, it was an awesome year for us, though.  Life can be a crazy ride.  I'm looking forward to this next section of our journey.

Happy New Year!