"You're Driving Me Crazy!"

I have to admit that lately I haven't been the most loving or patient mother in the world. In fact, about every ten minutes it seems like I am saying to one boy or the other, "You're driving me crazy!"

A couple of weeks ago Peter deviated somewhat from his sleep schedule so before I totally forced it, I decided to check online and find out how much I should expect him to sleep. I thought that perhaps he was at an age where the sleep schedule changed. The main bit of information about his age, however, was not about sleep, (turns out he should be maintaining the exact schedule he was on, and ever since then he has been,) but about separation anxiety. I had noticed that he was a little more clingy than normal, but it didn't seem to be too big of a deal.

Yet.

Since then he wants me to hold him constantly and fusses more than ever if I even look in a different direction. It really is driving me crazy. And that is a fact I am not quiet about.

The other thing Peter has been doing these past few days is refusing to eat. He will sit in the high chair for about two bites. Then he decides that he wants to squirm around and play. If I have the highchair anywhere near the table, he climbs onto it. If I have the highchair in the middle of a room somewhere he gets on the tray and looks over the edge as if debating whether or not he should jump! I try strapping him in, but he even squirms his way out of that! So basically I have this baby who insists on being held constantly and refuses to sit still long enough to even eat! AHHH!

Then there is Ammon. Poor boy probably feels like he can't do anything right. I have to tell him about ten times before he does ANYTHING I ask him to do and I get so impatient with him these days. He is big enough to feed himself, put on his shoes and jacket by himself when we get ready for school, get his backpack himself, etc. But he always wants me to do everything for him. I think the poor boy just wants more one on one time with someone. He basically is at the age where he gets ignored because he can play by himself. There are so many other demands that it is easy to forget that just because he can entertain himself, doesn't mean he wants to be left alone ALL day EVERY day. But still, it's been hard to do it all - and yesterday was especially rough because I wasn't feeling well. I think my ten minute muttering turned into an every-other minute thing.

So this morning, I was passing out my frustrated exclamation to both of them - although starting to realize how constant a statement it was getting to be and that I really needed to bite it back. I asked Ammon to turn off the TV because we were going upstairs. Instead, he walked over to the computer and pushed the power button to turn it off. Ammon used to turn the computer off like this all the time and so I finally sat down with him and explained that he either had to turn it off through the start menu (which he is certainly computer savvy enough to do) or just leave it on. Since he knew this, I was so frustrated that he turned the computer off wrong and said, (as I have been so often,) "You're driving me crazy!!!"

Ammon just turned around, looked at me and said, "Mommy, YOU'RE driving ME crazy!"

I think I deserved it.

The End of an Era

About the passing of President Hinckley, the Quorum of the Twelve issued this statement:

“Members of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles express our heartfelt love and admiration for President Gordon B. Hinckley and the singular life of service he lived. He was our prophet, our leader, our brother and our friend. We feel a deep, personal loss at his passing. He unfailingly demonstrated his devotion to the Lord Jesus Christ, whose witness he was at home and abroad. “We will miss his wit and his wisdom, his leadership and his love. However, we cannot but rejoice in his reunion with his beloved Marjorie, with his parents and other family members who have gone before, and with the prophets of God, both ancient and modern, among whose eternal ranks he now stands. As the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles we echo the voice of the Master, ‘Well done, thou good and faithful servant. … Enter into the joy of thy Lord.’ ”

Is there a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints who doesn't absolutely love President Hinckley? It would seem difficult to find one. He and his wife won over the populace of the church years ago not only in our desire to sustain him as the President of the church, but our eagerness to care for him as a person. He was an example and a wonderful leader, but there was also something down to earth and real about him that made him so appealing. His work was magnificent, and his example extensive as he lived his life in accordance to the Lord's will for him. I love him and will miss him. I feel priviliged to have lived during the time in Church History when the people were able to call Gordon B. Hinckley our prophet.

Soccer

Last night Ammon had his first Begining Sports class. It is a community class that he is taking with Carolyn and Kylie and their cousin Trent. I dropped Ammon off at his cousins house and Jeremiah took all the kids. I used the time to run to Sam's Club where Peter and I bought diapers, but was a little bit disapointed to miss watching Ammon. Jeremiah said that they were really cute. Ammon was so excited when he got home. The information about the class said that it would focus more on soccer than other sports. When Ammon got home he was eager to tell me that he "got one in the goal and one not in the goal". He seemed to have a great time.

Home For a Moment

A week ago Andy called me and said that he found some really cheap flights and that he was considering coming home. Considering the length of time he has already been gone (6 weeks) and all the things that have happened since he left (mostly miscarriage and death of his Grandpa) we were eager to be reunited for a few short hours. His flight came in at 10:15 Saturday morning. His parents were due to return from Vermont that evening and he wanted to surprise them. It was SO HARD to not post anything all week about him coming home. We were all so excited!

The weekend was fast but fun. We didn't do anything special - didn't have time even if we wanted to. Ammon and I picked Andy up at the airport and while we were waiting Ammon decided that he needed a snack. So we got Jamba Juices on the way home. When we got home we played Geo-Trax and just enjoyed being together. We went to the store to buy ingredients to make dessert and then ate lunch at Peggy and Derrick's house and got ready for them to come home. I headed out to the airport, Kara and Dale came up with thier children, and Andy ordered the pizza and picked up the salad we were having for dinner.

When we got home from the airport, Ammon went up to his Grandma and said, "Welcome home. I missed you." She gave him a hug and started to cry. Then she hugged Will. Andy called out from the back room saying something about her crying. I think it took twice before she realized where the voice was coming from and looked up to see Andy there. It was so wonderful, after the loss in the family with the passing of Pa, to be able to be there together - even just for the few hours. We had a nice dinner and Andy demonstrated his arrest technique by stepping Ammon through the process to arrest him, and then by showing us the process on Dale. Peggy and Derrick showed us some of the family artifacts they brought home from VT.

We took the boys home and got them to bed. Andy and I had planned to go out for dinner, but we decided to arrange the family dinner instead so we weren't hungry when we finally had time to ourselves. We just got gas in the car and looked for a couple of things at Wal-Mart (which we didn't find). It didn't really matter what we did - we were just happy to be together.

Andy had really missed cooking, so Sunday was all about being a normal day and just having him there. He made us breakfast in the morning, we went to church, and then he grilled chicken in the afternoon. All of my siblings came over at some point in the day. Most of them were there for lunch. We missed Krista and Kambria since they were out of town, but Andy was able to see everyone else. After we put the boys to bed we watched Amazing Grace with my parents.

That was pretty much our weekend. Andy woke up at 4:30 AM to leave. My dad took him to the airport and just went to work from there. There were several bumps in the road trying to get home, but he made it there ok by mid afternoon.

The weekend went way too fast, but we are so grateful for the time we had together. We are already counting down the days to graduation when we can be together again (for a similarly short amount of time, but together non-the-less).

No School

Well, last week we went back to school after Christmas Break, only to have no school this week except for today, and no school on Monday either. After Monday, we should have school as normal until Spring Break. I am not sure when that is.

No school has actually gone pretty well for us. On Monday we went to a neighbors house where I visited with a friend and Ammon played with his friend. It was nice. Ammon had such a good time there that he ended up staying when I took Peter home for his nap. Then, when Peter woke up I went back to get him and ended up staying another hour or more.

On Tuesday we were supposed to go to Rexberg to see the Temple Open House. I was a little bit worried about the car ride with Ammon and Peter but also excited for something to do. In the end, my dad needed to stay home to attend an important meeting at work, so we didn't go after all. We ended up playing with Kylie here at home while Carolyn was at school and then we played with Carolyn that evening at her house while Kylie was visiting a friend. It was fun for Ammon to get some one-on-one time with each of the girls.

Wednesday we went back to Pierce's house. (He is the friend we visited on Monday.) When it was time to take Peter home to sleep, Ammon stayed again and I got to leave the sleeping baby with my mom, the playing 4 year old with my neighbor and rush off for a quick trip to the mall. I bought a new pair of jeans.

:)

Last night Ammon, Peter and I also ended up going on an impromptu trip to McDonald's with Amanda. It was fun to see her; it's been too long.

Peter stayed up until 9:00 last night. It drove me crazy. Andy has been gone for 6 weeks now and Peter has never even stayed up until 8:00 since he left. I know he stayed up because he was hungry. We had baby food to feed him but it wasn't the "right" food. He basically refused to eat all day yesterday. I went to the store last night after he finally fell asleep and got a whole bunch of his favorites. He has been eating much better today.

What I Remember

Yesterday at 1:45 PM my grandfather Willard Conant died. There are a few things that come to my mind as I remember him. One of the very first things I can ever remember is a picture of he and I sitting on a porch eating jelly beans.

When I was nine I remember going to visit my mom's parents for the first time. They owned a flower shop in Williston. I remember going to get the flowers from a warehouse. Then watching Pa cut every thorn from every rose. Then watching Grammy and others make the arrangements. Pa and I would go deliver the arrangements. I loved to work with him. He made me feel important; he made me laugh. The first time I bought a rose for Jenny I was floored that the florist didn't cut the thorns off the roses. Not to mention the terrible wrapping job. I took out my pocket knife and removed the thorns myself. Then I repackaged the rose in order to make it presentable. I was always very proud to know how to properly care for flowers- how to select roses that will look good and how to make them last longer longer.

I remember helping him with the addition on their home. We built a small room over part of the deck. The thing I remember most was helping him get the bottom of the deck covered in so it could be insulated. I am sure there was someone more qualified than I was to help but I enjoyed the time I spent working with him that summer. We would go between the shop and the and house working all day long.

I will remember him as person who loved to work. Even in his spare time he did Family History. Work that will last beyond this life time. It will leave a legacy here for those who understand it's importance and for those beyond the vale it has left an eternal impression on their lives.

He is someone who a life could be modeled after; a person to look up to; a man to try a lifetime to be like. I hope at the end of my life I will have touched as many lives as he did.

I will miss him until the day I can see him again in the hereafter.

Stairs

One of Peter's more recent accomplishments is climbing the stairs. It is a fun for him to conquer each step. He especially enjoys it when Ammon comes and climbs the stairs with him. Ammon is a great instructor and Peter enjoys trying to keep up with his big brother. They have a great time together.

Sister Nield

A couple of weeks ago I went with Kara and Peggy to the filming of Good Things Utah. It was Kara's birthday, and that was what she wanted to do. It was a fun idea. We were standing in the doorway waiting to be allowed in when a group of 5 more women came in. I looked over and realized I was standing next to my mission president's wife! Sister Nield is a fun, unique woman who I absolutely adore! It was so exciting to run into her. She was there with her 4 daughters/daughters-in-law and seemed to be just as zany as ever. I enjoyed sitting back and observing her on this family outing and just found comfort in how genuinely herself she is. I had all but come to the conclusion that everyone loves their mission president and his wife as much as I loved mine, but lately I have heard comments to the contrary. It just makes me feel that much more fortunate that I was blessed to serve under President and Sister Nield. I love those two!

Obsession

I just need to mention that I am totally obsessed with the Twilight series by Stephenie Meyer. In 4 days I read the first three books and cannot wait for the last one to come out. Today is the fifth day and I am already re-reading the first one. I am amazed with how enthralled I am again! I love these books and I am glad that Rebecca is reading them along with me (she was about a day ahead of me in the reading process and now we are branching out to get our own copies so we can re-read similtaneously) so that I don't feel like a TOTAL dork with how obsessed I am; she is just as bad as I am. Of course she is in highschool and I'm 30, but whatever. ;-)

The Star Restaurant

Ammon has been getting more and more unruly lately. I think it is a combination of Andy being gone, being restricted inside due to winter weather, and still not being back into the swing of things with school. It doesn't help that there is not school for three of the four days next week either. So, I decided that tonight we needed to do something that would get rid of lots of energy. I realized it is Wednesday and this is a night when Carl's Jr. gives you a free kids meal with the purchase of a regular combo meal. They have a play place, so that sounded like a good idea. I called Katy and she said she would come too. So Ammon, Carolyn, Kylie, Peter and Isaiah all came with Katy and I where we let them burn off a bunch of energy for an hour or more. They LOVED it. We had so much fun. Carolyn is so cute and came to get Isaiah to include him in their play. A few minutes later Ammon came to get Peter. He pleaded, "Mommy, can Peter come in our home?" And then, to convince me, "It's a nice house." How could I resist that? It was so cute and Katy and I were both hitting ourselves that we didn't have our cameras with us. Oh well, maybe next time. We think we are going to make a bit of a Wednesday night tradition out of this.

Waiting for the Jamba Juices

Last week I had a really cute conversation with Ammon while we were waiting for our Jamba Juices to get made.

"Hey Ammon, I love you!"
"I love you too, Mommy"
"Ammon, you are such a good big brother, do you like being a big brother?"
"Yes."
"Do you want to have more brothers and sisters someday?"
Excited gasp. "Mommy! Is there a baby in your tummy?"
"Yes, Ammon, there is!"
At which point Ammon yelled, "YES!!!!"

Last week I found out I was pregnant. 6 weeks. Andy was absolutely ecstatic, which surprised me a little - especially since it was unplanned. It was fun. I have been happier and happier every day - happier, probably, than I've been in a long time. The day after I had this conversation with Ammon, the first thing he did when he woke up was find his little brother, and in an unbelievably excited voice say, "Peter! Mommy has a baby in her tummy!!!" Ammon is so cute and LOVES being a big brother.

Things change, though. Yesterday I had a miscarriage and so I am no longer pregnant. I started bleeding in the middle of the night and went in for an ultra sound yesterday afternoon. They couldn't find anything. I should have been 7 weeks and they felt like that was far enough along to be able to see something. They did a blood test just to be sure, and the results showed in the low hundreds rather than into the thousands like it should have been. But I didn't have to wait for the blood test to realize what happened last night. And last nights events were pretty much expected after the ultra-sound yesterday afternoon, so basically it's just been letting nature take it's course. I'll go in for another blood test on Monday to make sure the hormone level is continuing to drop, and other than that I guess we just go forward from here. It's just a sad ending to a really happy week.

I told Ammon that I had something sad to tell him. "Ammon, there isn't a baby in Mommy's tummy anymore."
Confused as to why this was sad Ammon eagerly asked, "The baby came out?"
"I'm sorry Ammon, the baby's body did not know how to grow right and there isn't going to be a baby in Mommy's tummy for a while."
Ammon contemplated this for a moment with his best problem solving face and said, "I know! Peter can show it how to grow!"

I love that he has an answer for everything. I just wish it could have worked that way.