Unrelated

That the trial of your faith,

being much more precious than of gold that perisheth,

though it be tried with fire,

might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ:

Whom having not seen,

ye love;

in whom, though now ye see him not,

yet believing,

ye rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory;

Receiving the object of your faith,

even the salvation of your souls.

~Peter 1:7-9

The Real Snow Storm

Pictures taken November 21, 2010

The Blizzard of 2010 was a much hyped event.

Preparations were made, businesses, schools, federal and state agencies closed.

Even the temple shut their doors early.

All in an effort to get everyone off the roads and safely at home.

Maybe it's because we were all tucked away safely at home that the blizzard seemed so innocent.

Perhaps had more people been on the roads, we would have seen unfortunate outcomes.

We'll never know.

What we do know, is that days earlier we had a real snow storm.

A storm that we did drive through, after spending the evening at my sisters house.

A storm that brought inches and inches of snow.

Ammon enjoyed making snow angels.

Face down.

(Yes, I think he's weird.)

Peter was excited to make his very own snow man.

And, for the first time this year, we have snow that has now been on the ground for over a week.

I think winter has really come.

Grieving

Christmas is a strange time of year.  It is full of magic and happiness and peace and joy.  But it is also a time of year that memories stay with you, whether they are good or bad.

This morning I watched a touching video about servicemen who wanted to be home with their families for Christmas.  And that is when memories flooded my mind.  My husband was never in the military, but three years ago he was away for Christmas due to an assignment he had as a Federal Agent.  He was being trained to protect the borders of our country.

He left the day before my 30th birthday.  That was a hard year for me.  I was turning 30, living in my parents basement with my husband moving states away for five months.  I was left with a three year old and a seven month old to take care of without his help.  At the end of his five month absence, the "reward" for my sacrifice was to leave everyone and everything I knew and loved, and move - taking my children away from their cousins, to some of the hottest desert our country has to offer.  My spirits were low; my outlook was bleak.

As the day played out, my birthday decided to go from bad to worse.  My back went out on me, which occasionally would happen, and to add to that pain, I also came down with the stomach flu.  My family did their best make it a great day.  Andy had flowers and a gift delivered, my family all gathered together for a dinner out, and my friend Amanda and I went to my favorite Christmas play (The Christmas Carol at Hale Centre Theatre).  It was about as wonderful as a terrible day could be.

In addition to having Andy suddenly removed from my life, both sets of parents also soon left on vacation.  And so I spent those first few weeks really shouldering life alone in a way that was new and foreign to me.  I worked frantically to finish a quilt that I was making so that I could ship it to Andy in time for Christmas.  I was completely exhausted.  I finally got it finished, spent extra money to ship it express, and learned that even though it would be delivered on time, it was going to be delivered to a place that Andy wouldn't have access to until after the holiday.

That is when the melt down came.  I lost it like I have never lost it before or since.  I was out of control and my poor husband, miles and miles away had no idea how to help me.  We were on the phone together and the conversation escalated into the most irrational argument known to man.  I don't know what it was about or what we said.  I just remember screaming, feeling like I was completely out of control.  I had enough sense to recognize how far gone I was, but not enough to pull myself back together.  And I remember thinking that in addition to being worn to the bone, I was also being overly hormonal.  It was getting close to "that time".

A few days later was Christmas.  I am pretty sure Andy found a way to get his quilt on time.  It was our best year financially, so the boys had some nice gifts from us that Andy and I had bought together before he left.

On that Christmas morning I found myself sitting alone at the dining room table eating my breakfast.  The presents had been opened and children were happily playing.  I recall lifting the spoonful of cereal to my mouth, my stomach feeling not quite right.  And then it dawned on me.  I hadn't just been feeling the typical monthly hormones.  Suddenly I knew.  I was pregnant.

I waited for a couple of weeks before I took a pregnancy test.  But when I did, it confirmed what I had realized.  Andy was on the phone while I waited for the results.  I'll always remember how genuinely excited he was.  It wasn't planned or expected so I didn't know how he would react.  But he was joyful about having another baby.  I spent a blissful week floating in a cloud of peace and happiness.

One night, sleeping alone in my bed, I suddenly woke up.  And just as surely as I had known I was pregnant, I realized immediately that I was having a miscarriage.  I found myself in the bathroom where I discovered only the slightest hint of blood.  But I knew what I knew.  I called Andy, but he felt helpless and frustrated.  There was nothing he could do.  I tip-toed into my mom's office where I found her still awake working on her computer.

"I'm pregnant," I told her.

She cautiously congratulated me - she could tell something was wrong.

"I think I'm having a miscarriage," I continued.

She told me how sorry she was.  Even though she was nearby, there wasn't anything she could do either.

The following days included doctor visits, blood tests, and a confirmed miscarriage.  It was sad, but there wasn't time to be sad.  It was a hard thing to go through, but in that phase of my life, everything seemed hard.  All I could do was keep moving forward.

And so it is that today, I find myself reflecting back to that Christmas morning three years ago.  That morning when I "just knew" I was pregnant.  I find that I am grieving almost as if for the first time.  Suddenly I feel the loss of the baby that didn't come then - the baby that hasn't come since.  And I'm sad.

Frog and Toad

Pictures taken November 19, 2010

One day, while riding the shuttle to class, I noticed the playbill at Kingsbury Hall.

Frog and Toad All Year

"That sounds like the books Ammon has been reading at school this year," I thought.

"I wonder if this play would be good for kids!"

I love plays, and any excuse to attend one is good for me.

But I got busy and didn't do anything about it.

A while later a note came home with Ammon from his teacher.

She explained that the play at Kingsbury hall would blend well with the book they just finished reading.

"Perfect," I thought.  "I definitely need to take Ammon!"

But I got busy and didn't do anything about it.

And that is when my friend stepped in.

Her son is in the same class.

She mentioned that she wanted to take him and asked if we wanted to go along.

"Sure," I responsed, excited as could be.

"If you order the tickets, I'll definitely pay you back."

And that is how it happened that Ammon went to his first play.

He told me about the story as we drove over.

The play was done in a musical style.

Some things, I was informed, were different than the book.

Other things were the same.

At one point Ammon took his program and bent over by the lights on the stairs.

Apparently reading the little booklet was more interesting than the play itself at that point.

Next time we'll get to our play earlier, so he has plenty of time to explore the program to his satisfaction.

Overall, it was a great night - we both loved it!

Thanks Shae!

Jenny's Canyon

Have you ever tried to convince someone that a hike would be fun?

Especially after that person just finished a triathlon?

Needless to say, Andy was less than thrilled to discover that a family hike was what I wanted to do.

Fortunately for me, I didn't have to convince him.

I am blessed with a husband who indulges my every desire to the best of his ability.

So despite being physically exhausted, he took us to Snow Canyon State Park.

We spent our last morning in St. George hiking "Jenny's Canyon".

I felt pretty darn spoiled and everyone thought it was fun that the canyon and I shared a name.

Peter and Ammon were awesome.

They blazed the trail and forged ahead fearless and full of energy.

This was fine through the level ground.

But when we headed up and down some steeper parts, I was a little concerned.

But my boys did great and everyone stayed safe.

There was a slight, dead-end, slot canyon.

We haven't been in a slot canyon since our flash-flood experience.

(Which really started here.)

Andy wondered out loud how quickly it would fill.

I ran back to the entrance and made him promise to not say another word about it

until we were safely back to the car.

He admitted that he wouldn't have gone near it had there been a single cloud in the sky.

As it was, the sky was a beautiful clear blue and the weather was just right.

It was the perfect morning for our family hike.

Condo Fun

After the race, we went out to lunch.

By that time, the boys were more than ready for some family fun.

We headed down to the recreation room at the condo.

Andy and I were cracking up at the boys when they saw the table tennis.

They were amazed and delighted to play table tennis in "real-life".

It's a game they play a lot on the wii.

(It's easier on the wii - they aborted the "real-life" version pretty quickly.)

We enjoyed a few games of air hockey.

Andy and I love air hockey and our boys enjoyed it just as much as we do.

It was fun to see them play.

The boys really REALLY wanted to swim.

But we didn't bring swim suits.

Andy packed while I finished up school stuff, and he figured it would just be too cold.

We decided to prove that point to the boys and took them down to the pool.

"If I let them put there legs in, they'll realize it's too cold for swimming," I thought.

Peter wasn't deterred by the cold legs.

He wanted to wade in.

"Oh, that will certainly convince him," I decided.

So he went in, fully dressed.

First step the water reached just above his feet.

Next step it went to his knees.

Soon he was waist deep in the pool despite the 50 degree weather.

And he was loving every minute.

So I did the only thing I could do - I gave in.

They had a great time, swimming fully clothed while I shivered by the side of the pool.

Turkey Triathlon

Picture taken November 12, 2010

Andrew and his parents signed up for a triathlon in St. George.

That gave us a great excuse for a weekend away.

We all drove down on Friday and stayed in a condo my sister was able to arrange for us.

The accomodations were beautiful.

Andy was excited to use the grill and provided us with a fabulous dinner.

It took some time for the boys to unwind.
It was pretty exciting to be somewhere new.
Finally we sent them to bed, but they were soon calling out to me.

"Mom, come see!"

I went to see what they were going on about.

They pointed to the window.

I thought they were showing me that they lifted the blinds themselves and could look outside.

But my response didn't satisfy them.

"No, look!"

I looked through the window and saw glow in the dark remote control airplanes.

They were pretty awesome.

I called Andy in.

He called in his parents.

There were three planes in total and we all thought they were pretty fun to watch.

Finally, we headed back out of the boys room and sent them to bed.

Andy and I had a good game of cribbage and then went to bed ourselves.

Pictures taken November 13, 2010

The triathlon was first thing Saturday morning.

Andrew, Peggy and Derrick left first thing.

The boys and I spent a lazy morning in the condo.

But they got restless really fast and wanted to go explore St. George.

We found a park to play at, but the weather was kind of nippy.
The boys were ready for something else pretty quickly.

We followed the race detours to get an idea of where to head when the race was over.

Suddenly, I saw people on bikes just ahead of us.

I turned into a church parking lot and found that we had front row seats to the race.

Before we knew it, we saw Grandpa ride by, then Daddy, then Grandma.

I'll admit, I was more entertained than the boys.

We watched the bikes for a good while until the boys just couldn't stand it anymore.

While Andy and his parents finished the race, Ammon, Peter and I had our own adventures.

I even had to hop a fence to meet Andy at the finish line.

(Ammon and Peter could fit through the chained gate.)

It was a hairy couple of hours for everyone, but in retrospect it was good times!

Bagel Pizza

Pictures taken November 10, 2010

In October, I had about three week of feeling pretty lousy.

It turned out to just be an infection and was quickly treated once I went to the doctor.

But in the mean time, life piled up high and I was having a hard time getting the basics done -

Like making dinner.

During that time I asked my family for dinner ideas.

I don't know about you, but sometimes the hardest thing about making dinner

Is choosing what to make.

(That, and getting the groceries to make it with.)

Andy suggested bagel pizza.

It was something he remembered having as a child.

I'll admit, I was reluctant at first.

Pizza finds it's way into our diet way too often.

But, if Andy was willing to help with a dinner plan, I was willing to give it a try.

He even went to the store to pick up what we needed.

(He usually does.)

As it turned out, not only did the boys LOVE the bagel pizza, but Peter even helped me make it.

It was such a hit, that I decided to do it again a few weeks later.

This time I planned for participation from all.

It was a fun family activity and a delicious meal.

Sometimes husbands know best.

Thanks Andy!

Project Day

Pictures taken November 06, 2010

As has been so common this semester,

The boys spent a morning with Daddy while Mommy stayed home to study.

They've been to many different Home Depot's over the months.

Some have nicer employees and policies than others.
This particular day they were at yet another location.

Andy loved the man in the picture who helped out with the boys.
Without this man, Andy explained, there would be no pictures.

So I am pretty sure I love him too.

And just as good - if not better,

Not only did the boys each do a project of their own,

But they made one for me to:

A spice rack!

I have been wanting one for ages and Andy has been planning to make me one.

The one they made at Home Depot was small.

Andy will still make me another one.

But I was absolutely delighted and completely surprised.

(Which is saying something because I tend to be hard to surprise.)

I think these boys are pretty lucky.

 They have such a great dad who is willing to take them out for so many adventures.

Come to think of it, I'm pretty lucky too.

It's the month of Thanksgiving, and I am thankful for my family!

Halloween

It amazes me every year that Halloween has turned in to a month long event.

Even the day itself, was a marathon day.

The boys spent the morning trick-or-treating at the zoo.

We did this once before when Ammon was younger and it was fun.

This year it seemed like an obvious thing to do.

(We live half a mile from the zoo and have an anual pass.)

As it turned out, I had some assignments due that day so I spent the morning working on school.

The three guys went to the zoo and left me to my homework.

I was able to finish my school work soon after they got back.

We began to prepare for an afternoon trick-or-treat activity with some neighbors.

They were all heading over to a local shopping center.

Before we headed out, I received an unexpected call.

I knew it was bad news when the person introduced herself as the sister of my friend.

She was calling to ask if I could teach a lesson in church the next day.

My friend, who was supposed to teach, wouldn't be there.

She had taken her 5 month old baby into the instacare and ended up at Primary Children's Hospital.

The diagnosis of baby Aubree - lukemia.

Of course I was more than willing to prepare the lesson for the next day.

And then we headed out to trick or treat.

The place was a zoo.

We only ended up with one of our neighbors, but it was still fun for the boys.

I was terribly distracted and worn out.

As we left, the rain started in.

We had intended to head down and trick or treat in South Jordan but aborted that plan.

We went home for dinner - Andy's red beans and rice.

(He makes it every Halloween.)

I talked more with Autumn's sister and was able to arrange to take her dinner.

(Yay for being able to do something helpful!)

While I was at the hospital, Andy took the boys out one last time

They trick or treated around our place to some of our friends and neighbors.

Honestly, I think they had more fun passing out candy to the people who came here after they got home.

Overall, Halloween was a fun month.

I'm glad it's over.

For updates about Aubree, you can go here:

Aubree Labarca

I was going to say more about Aubree's mom Autumn,

and how amazing she is, but I'll leave that for another post.

From Fall to Winter - and Back Again

Pictures taken October 28, 2010

The first snow of the year came before the leaves finished falling from the trees.

And then it quickly melted.

We took these pictures as Peter was headed to school.

It was pajama day.

(Just to explain his attire.)

Before driving off to class, Peter and I spent several minutes making snowballs.

He thought it was fun to watch them "splat" on the ground.

Being three is really fun!

There are still lots of leaves on the ground and even more leaves still hang from the trees.

We are expecting more snow on Tuesday.

So what is this crazy season?

We're getting ready for Thanksgiving.

But hearing Christmas music on the radio.

Enjoying the crisp cool Autumn days.

And then finding ourselves blanketed in snow.

Utah has a hard time choosing which season to be in.

I love it!

Halloween Fun Run

We have a fun tradition with Andrew's parents.

The Saturday before Halloween we run a 5K.

At night.

In the dark.

Through a graveyard.

This is our third time participating in the race.

(We missed last year.)

I had actually been sick for most of the month, and was still on the mend.

But I'm glad I went.

Peggy and Derrick both placed for their age group.

Andy's time was somewhere betweeen the two of them.

I came in last (of the four of us).

Every year Andy runs ahead to finish the race.

And then he comes back for me.

I always end the course with my amazing husband running by my side-

Holding my hand as I cross the finish line.

It's a great tradition.

My Nephew, Quincy

I have found it interesting that we can have powerful interactions with a loving Heavenly Father - experiences that change us and propel us forward in our understanding of Him and His love for us.  And yet, to the people around us, we can often continue seemingly unchanged.  For that reason, I want to share this, and other experiences I have had.  So that I can remember my own interactions with my loving God, and that perhaps, in some small way, they can also bless my family, friends and especially my children.  So here I begin a new section of my blog: testimony.

It was unusual for my phone to ring so early in the morning, but as I looked to see who it was, it kind of made sense.  My sister Katy was calling.  Like me, she would be getting her children ready to head out the door for school; she would know that her call wasn't waking me up.  Still, I was curious to discover why she would call at this hectic point of day.

My question was quickly answered.  She had learned of an opportunity to adopt a little African American boy who was to be born in the coming weeks.  She was trying to pass the information on to whomever she thought might be interested - she wanted this baby to have a family.  And she was calling to request that I pass the information on to my sister-in-law Jen, who already had adopted two babies of the same ethnicity.  Jen's babies were now four and three years old and a newborn seemed a natural and perfect fit to her family.

I wrote down the information and assured my sister that I would be seeing Jen in less than 30 minutes when I met up with her at the gym.  I hung up and went back to my task of getting Ammon ready for school.  But within a moment or two, an uneasy feeling set over me.  And maybe it wouldn't have made a difference, but I felt prompted to call Jen right away.  So I did.

By the time I got to the gym, Jen was in a flurry of excitement talking about the posibilties.  Can you imagine the dream of having an unepected but much desired baby suddenly in your arms in a matter of weeks?  Because I had called her before getting to the gym, she had already been able to pass the information on to her husband Tim.  And both of them had time to let the potential sink in and begin working through some of the logistics.

The biggest drawback to this adoption was the pricetag.  It would certainly be the most expensive of the three, and they just weren't sure they would be able to do it.  As we left the gym, Jen shared her testimony with me:  "I know that this seems like a lot of money to us, but to Heavenly Father, it is nothing."  She finished by asking me to let her know if I came up with any sort of solution.  I left wondering what I could possibly do, not thinking there really was anything.  I had another prompting, which I considered for a while and then followed.  Maybe it made a difference, maybe it wouldn't have mattered.  I don't think I'll ever know.  What I do know is that hours later, Jen called, and with tears being evident through the sound of her voice she said, "We have the money!  We're going to put in for the adoption!"

By this time, the spirit in all of this was powerful.  It was evident that God was guiding this process and that miracles were taking place for this to work out.  People who had received messages from my sister about this earlier in the morning started calling to find out more details.  I found myself thinking, it doesn't matter for anyone else- this baby belongs to Tim and Jen.

In the coming days there were many more feelings of the Spirit guiding the process.  In a whirl-wind effort, Tim and Jen pulled together their adoption profile and officially got signed up with the agency that this adoption was through.  Everything was perfect and it seemed meant to be.  It came to be the day that the birth mom was going to make the choice.  I was so confident that everything had been done exactly right and that this was meant to be.  And then they got the news - someone else had been selected.

Wow.  It was a bit of a blow.  Somewhat shocking and unexpected.  Because the Spirit had been there - prompting, confirming, promising that this was the right path.  But there was a gentle peace that accompanied the disapointment.  An understanding that even though it didn't work out in the way that was hoped for and expected, that there was a reason they were led to travel this path.  At that point, understanding the reason wasn't so important.  Just the assurance from a loving Heavenly Father that all was right, was enough.

The explanation seemed to come more quickly than expected.  A day or two later the couple who had been selected had to withdraw their acceptance of the adoption, and birth-mom was going to pick again.  The agency called Tim and Jen to ask if they would allow their names to go back in for consideration.  Of course they would!  This news fell over a weekend, and not just any weekend, but (if I remember correctly) the weekend of Fast Sunday (a day of the month when we traditionally fast as a part of our weekly worship).  And so we joined hearts as an extended family, and fasted with this situation in mind.

Years ago I read something that taught me to pray according to the promptings of the Spirit.  It is a tricky skill to develop, but sometimes I feel like I get it right.  And this was an experience where I felt the Spirit instructing me about what it was I should pray for.  Over and over again, the prayer that was given to me to say was not, "Please let the birth mom pick Tim and Jen".  The prayer was not an IF.  It was a WHEN.  "When Tim and Jen are picked, please bless the birth mom to know - to have her own witness that this is Thy will."  It was an unmistakable message from Heavenly Father and became my prayer the entire weekend.

Well, Monday came and so did the news: they were not chosen.  Again.

This became a personal crisis for me.  I was looking into the coming months knowing that I was going to face challenging and important decisions.  Things involving Andy's work, my school, where our family would live etc.  And I would need to have guidance in those things.  And yet, at that moment, my confidence in my own ability to interpret revelation from God was shaken.  I had experienced what I had thought was clear, and undeniable promptings.  I had followed them exactly.  And yet the outcome hadn't matched my prayers!  I was beside myself, reeling in confusion and I needed to find reconciliation.

I fell to my knees in prayer and poured out my heart to my Heavenly Father.  I was distressed and discouraged and confused.  But as I prayed, peace poured into my heart.  And as I knelt by the side of my bed the answer sweetly and softly came:  "You prayed for exactly what I told you to pray for.  You just thought you knew which birth-mom the prayer was for, but you did not."

I wanted to jump up, run to the phone and yell the news to Jen, "There is a different birth mom!  You're going to get a baby!"  But I didn't.  This answer was mine.  It was given for me to have my own questions resolved.  And I felt at peace.

The next day I was talking with Jen, and in an appropriate way we were able to share with each other the promptings we had each received.  They seemed consistant with each other, and we knew that her baby would come, and soon.  There were a couple of other twists and turns in her story.  She still had some tests of faith along the way.  But by the end of the week (or early the next week, I can't remember) she received the news that they had been selected to be the parents of a baby boy expected to be born in just a few weeks.

As it turns out, this particular adoption wasn't determined by the birth-mom.  At the request of the birth-mom, the agency made the choice.  Which just makes it seem so much more powerful to me, that Heavenly Father loved this woman enough, that a week earlier, before I knew she existed, He was prompting me to pray for her - not to make this choice, because he knew she wouldn't be the one who made it.  Instead He led me to pray that she could feel the confirmation that the child in her womb was going to the family that He had prepared.  He knew her and knew what she would need.

And with an even greater understanding than I had before, I learned that Heavenly Father is aware of me, and all of His children.  I learned that He will answer my sincere questions of confusion.  I learned that He has a plan for each of us and that it will all unfold in His time.  And that is how my nephew, Quincy, changed my life.

Elder Richard G. Scott of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles said:


"I have personally verified that concepts like faith, prayer, love, and humility hold no great significance and produce no miracles until they become a living part of us through our own experience, aided by the sweet prompting of the Holy Spirit. In early life I found that I could learn gospel teachings intellectually and, through the power of reason and analysis, recognize that they were of significant value. But their enormous power and ability to stretch me beyond the limits of my imagination and capacity did not become reality until patient, consistent practice allowed the Holy Spirit to distill and expand their meaning in my heart. I found that while I was sincerely serving others, God forged my personal character. He engendered a growing capacity to recognize the direction of the Spirit. The genius of the gospel plan is that by doing those things the Lord counsels us to do, we are given every understanding and every capacity necessary to provide peace and rich fulfillment in this life. Likewise, we gain the preparation necessary for eternal happiness in the presence of the Lord."

Jack-O-Lanterns

Pictures taken October 26, 2010

We told Ammon that we couldn't do Jack-O-Lanterns until we were within a week from Halloween.

And so, exactly one week before the big day, we were cutting into our pumpkins.

Poor Andy was sick.

He would have preferred to wait at least one more day.

But he's an awesome dad and did what it took to make his boys happy.

And boy were they happy!

Our designs are simple - figure it out as you carve.

But Ammon and Peter were delighted with the results!

Peter even brought people to our door the next day specifically to show of his final product.

Just goes to show that a little family fun can go a long way.

Trick or Treat at the District

Pictures taken October 23, 2010

The Saturday before Halloween

(Or in the case this year - the Saturday before Trick or Treat day)

The District (shopping center in West Jordan) puts on a big hoopla of Halloween fun.

Traditionally, we join the cousins on my side of the family for the event.

We went trick or treating from store to store.

We had balloons.

We ate cookies and hot chocolate.

We did pumpkin painting.

And most importantly, we made great memories together.

Happy Halloween!

Corda Halloween 2010

It started when Ammon was three - our annual trick or treat at Grandpa Derrick's work.

Every year we head down and enjoy their haunted office and fun treats.

2007

When it is all said and done, and we are ready to head home,

We try our best to get a picture of Grandpa and the kids.

2008

This year I was disapointed to not be able to go.

But at the last minute, Andy decided to leave work early and take the boys.

I sent him with camera in hand.

2009

He was instructed to get lots of pictures -

Especially, I emphasized, one with Grandpa.

Now I know my pictures in past years aren't the best.
And yet, I was still a bit disapointed when the only picture that came back to me
Was this:

2010

 Andy explains:

I can only do one thing at a time.

I can take pictures OR make sure nothing in the office gets broken...

NOTHING IN THE OFFICE IS BROKEN!

And the truth of the matter is - they had fun.

Which is what I really wanted.