The Clouds are Breaking and the Sun is Shining

Saturday, March 09, 2013

The Clouds are Breaking and the Sun is Shining

Yesterday I woke up and felt as if the cloud had lifted. I am happy to report that today continues to be filled with optimism.

This next week is my Spring Break and I am so excited for a mini vacation from classes. I have been concerned with how increasingly burned out I have gotten with school. Before this semester began I was scared and overwhelmed with the thought of graduate school. It seemed like a big and daunting goal, and the schedule sounded exhausting. Trying to figure out how to balance it with a family was something I really couldn't even face. As this semester trudged forward, I became even more intimidated at the prospect. I was getting major senior-itis, and was increasingly concerned about my stamina in jumping straight into another 5+ semesters. I have been doing school for a LONG time. I am pretty darn sick of it. So while the rejection completely sucked, and my wind was punched out even harder when learning why I didn't get accepted, the relief at not having school next year is so completely genuine.

But then came a new anxiety. Another issue that we have been facing is our own personal fiscal cliff. For months we have seen it approaching and have panicked and prayed about what to do. We have spent time in the temple, we have fasted, we have pondered. With me feeling like school was my path, we had the idea of school loans in the back of our mind even though we were hoping for another solution. When I didn't get into school, I had to wonder if that was an answer to our financial concerns. It meant I could get a job. And suddenly there was a whole new stress and anxiety as my life seemed to be forcing me in a direction that I wasn't completely sure I wanted to go.

After a lot of thought and prayer, Andrew and I have decided to make whatever sacrifices are necessary to put off me working until next fall. It might mean he needs to take on a second job. It might mean that we continue to wrack up debt over the summer months. Heck, it might mean both. But I have been so much more at peace since we have made this decision. Once school starts for the boys next fall, it will be much easier for me to feel like they are getting the parenting they deserve AND I am simultaneously making the financial contribution our family needs. And who knows, by then maybe our income will have changed and our situation won't be quite so desperate.

The other day as we were facing different choices, Andrew very genuinely said, "I don't know where I would be without my mom." He has been taking it really personally that I have felt the need to work. It is heartbreaking to him. I was really touched to see this extend beyond macho pride and be more about his desire to not only provide for his family financially, but his strong belief that my role in the home can make such a pivotal difference in the lives of our children. Andrew has always been a big supporter of me doing whatever it is I want to do. And when I say he is supportive, I mean that he puts his money where his mouth is. He has spent countless hours single parenting our children - taking care of laundry, dishes and meals. He has cleaned the house, done the vacuuming, ran the errands, and helped me with my assignments. He has also always trusted me to find the right balance between family and personal goals. He feels so discouraged that we both want me to be able to stay home and that neither of us really feel like I can in our current situation. But like I said - we will postpone that reality for a few more months regardless of what it takes. I cannot tell you how much I am looking forward to a fun summer with my kids!

Not getting into graduate school has been heartbreaking. I am starting to remember, though, that my worth as a person is based on more than my educational success. As I earnestly strive to do what is right, the knowledge has been reaffirmed that Heavenly Father is over all, and He WILL take care of us. I cannot even begin to express the number of times He has already proven that to me as an individual and to us as a family. We have been blessed beyond comprehension so many times before, and I am certain those blessings will continue to be showered on us. Heavenly Father is loving and generous and I trust Him.

Life is good.

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Family Proclamation

The First Presidency and Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

We, the First Presidency and the Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator's plan for the eternal destiny of His children.All human beings—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.In the premortal realm, spirit sons and daughters knew and worshiped God as their Eternal Father and accepted His plan by which His children could obtain a physical body and gain earthly experience to progress toward perfection and ultimately realize his or her divine destiny as an heir of eternal life. The divine plan of happiness enables family relationships to be perpetuated beyond the grave. Sacred ordinances and covenants available in holy temples make it possible for individuals to return to the presence of God and for families to be united eternally.The first commandment that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that God's commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force. We further declare that God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife.We declare the means by which mortal life is created to be divinely appointed. We affirm the sanctity of life and of its importance in God's eternal plan.Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. "Children are an heritage of the Lord" (Psalms 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, to teach them to love and serve one another, to observe the commandments of God and to be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed.We warn that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God. Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.We call upon responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society.

This proclamation was read by President Gordon B. Hinckley as part of his message at the General Relief Society Meeting held September 23, 1995, in Salt Lake City, Utah.