Week 1 Results

4 LBS

The bulk of the weight loss I experienced this week happened right at the beginning of the week.  And I started my week counting a night time weigh in before my diet started.  To make my number more realistic, I went ahead and used the number from the morning of Day 2.  Even with that adjustment, the bulk of this weight was lost in the first three days.  I have been at the same number for a couple of days now.  It's kind of discouraging.  But the fact that I legitimately lost four pounds this week is awesome!

The past several days have been frustrating for two reasons.  One, I haven't seen any real loss.  Two, I am still in my ten pound range that I've been playing with for the past two years, so I don't really feel like I've made any progress whatsoever, yet.  I am about three pounds away from the point where I will start feeling like I am seeing numbers that haven't been on my scale for years.  That will hopefully feel good.

I am finding that losing weight is a mental battle.  Sometimes awesome weight loss is discouraging because I realize how much I still weigh even WITH the loss.  It is a huge reality check about how high I really let my weight get.  But I guess that is just all the more reason to stick with it.

This week I wasn't even tempted by a snicker's bar that a series of unfortunate events caused me to purchase.  It is still in my back pack. I made cookies with my kids, and didn't eat one.  (I did taste a small nibble of one, though, and I am not sure they turned out very well, so that definitely wasn't temping!)  I also attended a scouting dinner and stuck with my own diet bar an hour after everyone else had eaten (since that was the schedule my food was on that day.)  I think I've done well in resetting my relationship with food this week.  And it is getting easier.  I think having  some more pounds fall off in the coming days will really help keep the motivation up, so I hope that happens.  I knew the weight loss would slow, but the first few days seems to have such huge variances that I was really hoping to get rid of the first 16 pounds insanely fast.  I'm still hoping that I can accomplish that goal in the first month.  Those 16 pounds is my first "goal" because it puts me into the "overweight" category instead of "obese".  I am currently 12 pounds away.  Oh well, 12 pounds away is better than last week.

And seriously, four pounds in a week is awesome if not a little scary that it is perhaps not healthy or sustainable loss.  So I should be happy.  And although there are a lot of little voices in my head trying to ruin the celebration, there is a part of me that feels quite good about what I've accomplished.

What This Semester Looks Like

My sister-in-law recently e-mailed me with some cute questions, trying to get better connected with what I am up to these days. I decided that I would just post the answers here so everyone can know what I'm up to this semester.

I totally didn't realize you were already 2 weeks into school! How has it been??

So far school is going well. It is still just a major adjustment period. We have all sorts of crazy changes happening in our schedule right now, so I feel like I am flying by the seat of my pants. In another week we should be done with all the changes and just ready to settle into the routine. I'm looking forward to that.

How many credit are you taking?

I am taking 11 credit hours and I'm kind of bummed to have so many. I only have 17 left to graduate, so I was going to take 9 this semester and 8 next semester. Unfortunately/fortunately, I realized I had a class I needed to add in for applying to the graduate program, so that threw in an extra three credit hours that doesn't help me at all towards graduation. Oh well, it's only for 4 months, right?

What classes are you taking? Are they ones you like, or do you dread some of them?

I have four classes. They are: Adolescent and Emerging Adulthood, Social Psychology, Social Work as a Profession and Field Study. They are all fun classes. The only thing I dread is trying to keep up on so many at once. I have always done best at school when I only have a few classes. My preference is to only have two at a time. Living at the U, I was required to have at least three. Throwing in the fourth class is kind of stressful for me when I still get to be the mom and do school around my kids schedule.

I have taken a lot of development classes, so Emerging Adulthood is more of the same - just about development in the teen years. I've enjoyed taking the different development classes. Last semester I was in Infant and Childhood development so I got to learn about the phase my kids were just exiting. This adolescent stuff might be a little more interesting. We'll see. This class is online.

Social Psychology is one that I am SUPER excited about. It seems to be dealing with the psychology of people in the context of different setting etc. We have a great book called Taking Sides that will give differing views of some of the major debates in the field. For example, last week we talked about whether or not it is ethical to have a study where the people in the study don't know/understand what is being studied. It was an interesting thing to consider. This class is also online.

Social Work as a Profession is the class I need for the graduate school prerequisite. It is a great class and I am SO glad to be taking it. The only problem is that it was taught at TERRIBLE times. I only had two options about when to take this class, and the one I ended up with (because it was the better of two evils) is Monday from 3-6 at the U. So basically, I am gone on Monday from 2:00-7:00. Andy works nights, so this means I need a babysitter who can get my kids from school and feed them dinner. It just makes me sick to be missing in action that long on a week night when they are already fatherless every single night. But it is what it is. I have realized that it is a way bigger deal to me than it is to Ammon and Peter. My mom watched them the first day, but I got home super early because it was the first day of classes and it just ended early. Last week I had a friend from our old ward watch them. That made it not as long because they were with me during the travel time. Yesterday was Labor Day so I didn't have my class. But from here on out they are both in school so I can't take them with me which means it's going to be the whole time. I asked your mom to watch them the next two weeks since I don't think she starts her job until after that. I had considered the idea of getting a babysitter from the ward, but that would cost a few hundred dollars over the course of the semester and tuition ended up being a lot more expensive than we had planned. Plus, I just decided I was more comfortable having them with family. My mom's house is just as close to their school as our house is (just the other way) so it shouldn't be too hard for it to work out. Right now I am just taking it a week or two at a time.

My final class is called Field Study. I am excited about this, but it makes my schedule crazy. This is the class that pretty much takes my volunteer work and translates it into credit hours. I need to do three hours of volunteer work per credit hour. I am taking two credit hours which means six hours of volunteer work every week. In addition to the volunteer work, I also have meetings for class (about one a month) and assignments (a couple of papers) that I need to do. I think just taking another online psychology elective would have been easier and less time consuming. But this will give me quality experience and also look good on my graduate school application so it's worth it. I really had to talk myself into being OK with taking on so much stuff this semester and I am partly overwhelmed by everything I am trying to do. But it just feels like what I'm supposed to be doing so I'm trying to have faith in that and just do everything as best as I can.

Are you having to travel up to the U every day?

So this basically got answered already, but just to clarify - I only go up to the U on Mondays and about once a month on Wednesdays. It's not bad. But when we moved I didn't know I'd have to do the Monday thing, so that was kind of a bummer to find out.

Day 4 - Why I Like My Diet

I don't think I've ever spent more than about three hours attempting a diet.  I have always tried things that were less extreme.  I'm a big believer of the "all things in moderation" concept.  But I have never been good at finding the appropriate level of moderation.  Sometimes I would be TOO strict and run the risk of boycotting my weight by not having enough calories.  On days like that, I might grant myself some unhealthy food just to meet the minimum level of calories.  Other days, I might splurge on a treat or binge at the end of the day because I had room left in my diet.  So basically, I would often be super careful and strict to the point of unhealthy, and then find an unhealthy correction to the problem.  This diet keeps me in a schedule where calories are steadily and consistently rationed out to me throughout my day.  In addition, it gives me one meal of "real food".  The portions allowed are really generous, and I get to develop my culinary skills and taste buds to familiarize myself to healthier types of meals than I would usually eat.  I don't know if this diet is for everyone, but it's a great fit for me.

Day 3 - Getting Easier

I did it!  I heard that the first three days were the hardest, and I think I believe it.  Today I wasn't nearly as hungry.  In fact, after my lean and green, I was completely stuffed!  The food is getting more palatable.  It's amazing how good things can taste after you've spent three days starving yourself...

Anyway, it's been a good day for the diet.  Andrew and I were out today and I kept wanting to stop and get stuff.  You know - the stuff I probably wouldn't have really gotten anyway, but the fact that I couldn't made it torture.  I wanted a candied apple from Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory.  I wanted a candy bar from the check out lane at Target.  I wanted a hot fudge sundae from McDonald's.  Don't even start to ask me about the dessert menu at Applebee's.  And then there was the pizza at my sisters house that her husband had loaded with extra toppings that looked amazing.  In fact, you should have seen me drooling over Peter's Kraft macaroni and cheese (I hate Kraft mac and cheese, by the way).  Anyway, I'm still experiencing a LOT of food triggers, but I did it and it's getting easier.  I felt good all day and was never really physically hungry - just emotionally wanting.  I have never really thought of myself as being a food addict, but watching myself go without it makes me see things a little differently.  It's been kind of fun and interesting for the budding therapist in me.

The fun thing about this diet is that I think it will help me learn to really love cooking an entirely new way.  I think I will learn more about flavoring with herbs and spices and how to cook more with vegetables and create deliciously palatable healthy things.  I figure I can start slowly by learning to cook these things on a small scale for my lean and green meal, but eventually I will feel comfortable with it and start pushing it on my family too.  Tonight at Applebee's I ordered a from their 550 calorie and under menu.  I had a steak and this delicious portabello mushroom stuffed with spinach and topped with a slight amount of parmesean cheese.    The flavors were delicious.  It tasted so rich.  And yet it was so low-calorie.  That's what I am hoping to learn how to do.  Tomorrow I want to make these great stuffed peppers that I have had before from SkinnyTaste.com  It will be yummy.   

Day 2 - Loss and Mourning

I was drinking water like crazy, so it wasn't really a huge surprise when I woke up at 5:30 in the morning to go to the bathroom.  I was immediately depressed.  My entire day was being planned around my eating schedule, and yet I wasn't going to have any real food to speak of.  I wondered if I could really do this.  Again, I reminded myself that I was committed and that I really wanted to accomplish this goal.  I had started the program with a "let's try this and see" sort of attitude.  But as I went through my first day I decided that I would stick with it at least long enough to shrink out of the "obese" category and into the "overweight" category.  (About 18 pounds.)  I reminded myself of my first goal and recommitted.  Then I went back to sleep.

In some ways, the second day was easier.  I knew what to expect with the medifast "food".  I tried to keep myself occupied between "feedings".  I continued to drink lots of water.  My meal of real food wasn't scheduled until late at night so I could eat with Andrew.  It gave me something to look forward to, but kept me with a pretty bleak eating day.

Despite the struggles, it was an exciting day.  I knew that this was going to work if I would just keep doing it.  I spent the day dreaming about the thinner me and found myself incredibly impatient.  It was like pregnancy when you just obsess over every aspect every minute.  I tried to do some reading for school, and I did.  But there was a lot more I could have done had I not still been so distracted by all of the feelings associated with dieting.  There is hunger, excitement, depression, loss, and enthusiasm.

The kids wanted a really basic, unappealing meal again, and though it would have been against my normal routine to give it to them, I took the easy way out for my second night.  And when Andrew came home he grilled up some delicious chicken that I ate with a cucumber and lettuce salad complete with a homemade salad dressing mixed with a little teriyaki sauce.  It was delicious and worth the full day wait!

In the mean time, Andrew spent this day remembering that he had opted against the diet because he felt comfortable doing his own thing, so he determined that he had better get started on doing his own thing so he could lose weight with me.  It's great to have such a supportive spouse!

Day 1 - What Was I Thinking?

I really thought I'd have this diet thing licked.  No big deal.  I had been using DoTerra's Slim and Sassy oil which I felt really did help reduce cravings and even feelings of hunger.  My dad talked about being always hungry on this diet, but he eats a lot more than I do and he wasn't using the slim and sassy.  And he had stuck with it, so it couldn't have been that bad.  I woke up excited to eat my first "food".  I had "chocolate chip pancakes".  They were N.A.S.T.Y!  Disgusting!!!!  They tasted like protein powder and it was hard to get them down.  That was the first time I started to wonder what I had gotten myself into.

But I was going to lose weight!!!  I could do it.

Three hours later, when it was time to eat again, I was hungry.  I pulled out a Lemon Meringue granola bar.  I had heard that most of the food was pretty terrible, but that the bars were what made this diet do-able.  I was excited to have branched out to a citrus sort of flavor.  I had to gag it down.  It was terrible.  By this time I was feeling pretty deflated.  And hungry!  My slim and sassy, which had been great for me in days prior, was no match for this diet.  I started to mourn the loss of all food and wondered if I would ever be able to have anything yummy ever again.

The way the diet works is that you eat five of the medifast meals and then you have one "lean and green".  For example, I am allotted six ounces of boneless skinless chicken breast and 3 cups of lettuce, so a salad is a great option.  I can have two tablespoons of dressing and a couple of other random extras during my day.  I started playing with the idea of ordering a salad from Wendy's.  I knew that my dad did a lot of restaurant salads for his lean and green and the diet was working for him.  When I looked it up, I was surprised that the salad would more than double my daily calories.  And it didn't exactly fit the diet requirements.  On the other hand, it would put my daily calorie total at 1230, so really, that was healthier.  On the other hand, if I was going to commit to medifast, then shouldn't I try it their way?

In the end, I felt that I "needed" something to get me through this first day.  I asked my grandma more about what my dad was doing for his lean and green meals, and she confirmed that he did a Wendy's salad all the time.  So I went ahead and had a nice lunch out with Grandpa.  I took the entire day of any school responsibilities and just gave myself that day to make the diet work.

I quickly realized that I was a social eater.  Every time Andrew would call home on a break, I would be triggered into wanting to make a food plan for when he got home.  At one point I even found myself daydreaming about him and me ordering a pizza to eat later that night after the kids were in bed.  (Something that we have rarely if ever done, so it was a weird thought.)

I had planned ahead and allowed the boys to have quick and easy microwaveable dinners for themselves.  They were super excited and thought it was a special treat, and I didn't have to cook for them.  That helped.

I drank tons of water, which means I was constantly in the bathroom.  Every time I went to the bathroom, I would step on the scale.  I wanted immediate results.  When I looked at the depressing number, it just reaffirmed how much I really needed this diet.

I went through some major feelings of loss, mourning the fact that I would NEVER be able to eat real food again.  I missed the idea of nachos.

By the end of the first day, my weight did seem to already be down a few ounces and it helped.  The day had been a lot harder than I expected it to be, but I had done it.  I was excited to keep going.  I had heard that my Aunt says the first three days are the hardest.  But my dad said it never got any better for him.  I decided to go with the three day theory and decided that if I could just get through the first three days, I'd be good.

I went to bed hungry, mourning the loss of food, and excited about the weight that I hoped would be falling off of me.

Diet

My dad recently went on a diet.  He has been fighting with type 2 diabetes for several years now, and he was at the point where he could no longer stave off the need for insulin.  Having daily insulin injections is something he absolutely did NOT want to do.  So, despite his love for food, he went on an extremely rigid diet.  He must have been really motivated, because he stuck with it!  And the pounds started falling off.

On the other hand, I was monitoring my weight closely, and though it kept fluctuating in a five pound range that I was able to kind of manage, it was at the very top range of any weight I'd ever been at in my life.  And it kept jumping to the top number a lot quicker than I was  happy seeing.  I suddenly realized that if I wasn't careful, I would soon outweigh my 6'3'' father.  

I just couldn't let that happen.  The diet my dad was on was something he had heard about from my Aunt.  I was interested in it when I had seen her on it, and after seeing my dad's success I became even more interested.  I started playing with the idea of going on the same diet.  It was going to be a huge financial commitment as it is one of those programs where you buy their food.  I called Andrew up and asked, "What if we just tried it out?  I can order a months worth of food and you and I could each try it for two weeks."  He wasn't thrilled and asked if we could talk about it when he got home.  My biggest concern was the money.  But I quickly realized that his hesitation was different - he just didn't want to try it.  He's always been more successful about managing his own weight on his own than I have.  So I tried again.  What if I just try it for a month?  He said that it was up to me, and if I wanted to, he would support me.

And so, for the first time in my life, I invested a couple hundred dollars into a diet program.

I was excited.

I thought, "I can do this!"

And I waited anxiously for the food to arrive so I could get started.

While waiting to start the diet, Andrew and I made one final caloric splurge on Astro Burger.  I felt gross and the scale knew what I had done.  A couple of days later we had a more acceptable binge as we split a Red Mango.  The next morning my diet began.

The diet I am on is Medifast.  I ordered it before I realized I had some concerns about it.  The biggest concern I have is that this diet reduces your calories to under 1200 a day.  Everything I have EVER heard about dieting is to never drop below that magic number because your body will go into starvation mode and start hoarding fat instead of releasing it.  But I've seen this diet work first hand, so even though it was scary and a little bit unsettling to pursue an option that seems so contrary to common advice, (and since I had already ordered the food) I decided to try it.  The way it works, you eat at regular intervals, every three hours, all day long.  I think this constant incoming of food is what prevents the body from going into that starvation mode.  Andrew's biggest concern was that I will be able to lose the weight on this program, but as soon as I go off of it, I will gain it back.  I'll admit, that's my concern too.  But there is a good transition phase and then maintenance phase that is designed to help.  I guess I'll face that challenge when I get there.

Life is Good

Do you ever feel completely overwhelmed with the joy in your life?  Sometimes I am not sure what to do with these feelings.  To ignore them seems ungrateful.  To acknowledge them in the wrong setting seems boastful. Hopefully this setting isn't completely inappropriate.  For some reason I just feel compelled to share some of the thoughts I've had recently.

One thing that has taken me completely off guard is how much I LOVE my house.  I mean, it's just a house, right?  But it's not.  It's MY house.  Every time I back out of the driveway and pause just for a moment I am struck with the fact that my house is amazing!  It is modest and humble, but cute in it's own way.  I love our yard, even though there are plenty of improvements we want to make to it someday.  When we first moved in, I never even went downstairs.  I genuinely didn't know how to live in this much house.  I am acclimating, though, and last night I found myself inside, feeling the same way I do when I look at my house from the outside.  I love being IN my house and just living here.  When we first looked at this house, I didn't really think this house was my dream, although I knew it was among the best we looked at in our price range.  But after living here, I found that this house IS my dream because of the way it fits us.  We feel so comfortable and content here.  When we first got married, I was afraid to buy a house this size.  I remembered being part of an eight person family and outgrowing a house this size.  I didn't want to get stuck in something so "small".  But my family didn't grow to be nearly the size I had originally imagined or anticipated, and I have found that anything larger would be overwhelming for our family of four at this point in our lives.  I LOVE how perfectly matched we are for this house and how well suited it is for us.  I just didn't know that a person could be filled with so much joy and love for an inanimate object.  It's just a house.  But it fills my heart on a daily basis - and the feeling surprisingly grows in me and is getting bigger and bigger every day.  I feel so blessed.

Another part of life that sometimes surprises me is the amount of romance I feel on a daily basis.  We are coming up on our eleven year anniversary, and I sometimes feel like we are still in the newlywed phase.  (Or maybe back to the newlywed phase would be more accurate as married life hasn't always been a pile of roses for us.)  Just as my house fits our family so well, my husband and I fit each other so wonderfully.  It is a great blessing that I don't go a day without feeling awed by and grateful for.  In some ways, Andrew and I are really different.  Somehow we seem to compliment each other in our differences, though.  His weaknesses are my strengths, and my weaknesses seem to be his super powers.  In other ways, we are so very very similar and it is nice to have common goals, ideals, and perspectives on life.  I love having a husband who flirts with me every day, kisses me often, and always tells me he loves me.  Over the years we have learned about each others love languages, and so we can sometimes adapt to certain forms of communication when the other is feeling particularly low and needs some extra love and attention.  But for the most part, I feel like love just pours out in all of the different languages and is a constant, flowing part of our daily interactions.  When he is gone at work, I listen to love songs and sigh like a love sick teenager, anxious to be in his arms again.  Once he is home, we usually spend our time together.  One advantage I always felt we had by living in apartments together for a decade, is that we never learned how to be apart at home - there was never room.  We do so much together - the chores and the play.  It suits us both and we like it that way.

I can't write a post about my good life and not mention my precious children.  They are each such a blessing to me.  My favorite teacher was my third grade year and Ammon seems to be following suit.  Every time I ask him the best part of his day he tells me, "My teacher."  Ammon had a really great first grade teacher who I know just genuinely understood and loved him in a way I thought only his mother ever could.  When you love someone so intently, it's always nice to have someone else see them the same way that you do.  It is validating and so rewarding to know that someone so precious to you is seen as precious to someone else.  I thought the experience with his first grade teacher was a once in a life time deal in terms of a teacher/student relationship.  But he seems to be blessed with another great teacher who day after day is noted as being the highlight of his day.  It makes my heart happy.  Likewise, Peter seems to be with a teacher that works for his personality.  It is so fun to see him taking on the responsibilities of homework and diligently working on getting his handwriting just right.  He loves everything about school, from the schedule, the routine, the sociality, the responsibility, the learning, and the play.  He and I spend many mornings playing Uno and SkipBo together.  I love the time we share.  So often I wish I could get a recording made of him working on his homework or playing games.  He has such a personality!  (But he always acts differently when I turn on the camera.)  

I know that the joy in my life comes as a great blessing from Heavenly Father.  Sometimes we say things like that and it seems to imply that when we aren't in such a "cup runneth over" with joy phase, that perhaps it is because He doesn't love us.  That's not true.  I've had plenty of phases when life has been more of a struggle than it is right now, and He loved me through all of those times, too.  Sometimes, letting us go through those harder moments are actually the demonstration of His love.  The strength and peace He gives me through the hard times as well as the indescribable joy He showers me with in the good times are both great blessing for which I am extremely grateful.

Back to School and Other Fall Activities

Ammon started the school year off with a bang.  When I went to pick him up from his first day, he wasn't there.  It's our first year at his new school and even though he has a history of disappearing on me, I was getting pretty upset when I couldn't find him.  I searched around the building.  I checked in with the office.  They paged him.  I searched inside the building.  I checked back at the car.  I looked in the office again.  No Ammon anywhere.  Ammon's teacher came down to the office to talk with me.  The office workers asked if we should call the police.  I said I would call my mom instead.  I asked her to go searching the roads between the school and home.  I didn't want to leave the school grounds until I knew where he was.  We paged Ammon a few more times.  His teacher searched the building while I searched outside.  I kept waiting to hear back from my mom.  I tried to call her and didn't get an answer.  I didn't know if she had forgotten to take her phone with her or what.  After checking out by the car again, and realizing that the school had turned into a ghost town, I started to lose it a little.  The people in the office encouraged me again to contact the police, so I give the go ahead for them to make that call.  I spoke with the detective.  I called Andrew and filled him in on what was happening.  I still hadn't heard from my mom.  The police sent out two detectives - one that would go straight to my house to look for Ammon, and one that would meet me at the school.  By this time there were enough people at the school looking for Ammon that I felt safe leaving the grounds to drive around myself for a minute.  Just as I was getting into my car, I received a text message from my mom saying she had found him!  For some reason one or both of our phones just wasn't connecting right and our calls just weren't getting in touch with each other.  I ran back into the school to let them know we had located Ammon.  On my way into the building Andrew called to tell me he was coming home.  I let him know that we had JUST located the boy.  Ammon had decided to walk home and at least he had headed in the right direction.  I was worried that he wouldn't be sure.  By the time my mom found him he had actually missed one of his turns and was coming back, a little confused.  I'm glad it turned out OK.  This is just a classic example of Ammon's adventurous spirit.  He has had a lifetime of heading out on his own and just not worrying about whether or not I know where he is.  Ammon is just fearless that way.

We had fun at Ammon's first pack meeting with our new troop.  They welcomed him and he even got to select a scout cheer.  We had a police officer come and talk about honesty.  It was a fun activity.

We had fun going to the hospital to meet the third of three nieces being born this summer.  My brother spoils me with his beautiful red-headed daughters.  I just adore them!  This little girl is no exception.  Of the three babies, this was the only one we were able to meet in the hospital.  It was fun to go see her so tiny and new.

One crazy Wednesday evening, my sister invited us to attend the Brigham City open house.  It was a crazy hour long drive each way in addition to several hours at the temple itself.  We did this after school and after Ammon's first piano lesson with his new teacher.  We got home around 10:00 at night the night before Peter's first day of Kindergarten.  I was skeptical about whether or not it would be worth the exhaustion and potential crabbiness.  It totally was.  The long night and tired next day are already forgotten, but the memories of the temple remain priceless.  Ammon was big enough that I could easily whisper in his ear and tell him about the different things we were seeing.  His favorite part was the mirrors in the sealing room.  Although he confessed with amazement, "I thought they were special mirrors, but they are just two ordinary mirrors that hang across from each other."  Peter had a great time scoping out all of the pictures of Jesus throughout the temple.  He was particularly excited when he recognized the picture that is in the front of the Book of Mormon.

Peter's first day of Kindergarten went well.  He somehow managed to be in the opposite class of pretty much EVERY kid in the neighborhood.  But he did luck out and get his cute cousin in his class.  They were completely precious on the first day of school.  I'm happy for him that he is already so comfortable and content with going to school.  He has always loved being out with other kids his age.  I can tell that he takes his school work very seriously and he even works very hard to make sure his coloring is as neat as possible.

For the second month in a row, we attended a baby blessing on the first Sunday of the month.  Little Emma had one of the more memorable baby blessings I've seen in that the Bishop actually forgot about it!  The Sacrament hymn had started before Emma's daddy had to go remind the bishop of the schedule.  As it turned out, there were also some newly baptized members that needed to be announced as well.  Afterwards we enjoyed a fun afternoon with the extended family who were all there to celebrate this little baby.  

After years of hard work and effort, we finally had the opportunity to celebrate Peggy's graduation, passed test, license and new job in the nursing field.  When Andrew and I first started house shopping we told her that if we had a new place, we would love to host a party for her.  Well, we got our house, and we were excited to be able to follow through on our offer.  Everyone in Andrew's family was there.  We had great food, fun and games.  Kara made her mom a Texas sheet cake from a family recipe.  Jennifer planned some great relay races for the kids.  It was a great night!

Pictures from July

While we were moving I kept thinking I should be taking pictures.

But I didn't.

So Ammon and Andrew changing out the fan in Ammon's room represents the transition to a new home.

Two years ago we moved on June 30 and by the 4th of July we were exhausted.

I swore to never do it again.

And then I had to eat my words completely.

We moved on the exact same date.

Still, we were able to have a fun holiday.

We spent the morning with my sister in Riverton enjoying their festivities.

That evening, my brother invited us to his house for fireworks.

We live so close to him that we rode our bikes there.

After we came home from his house, we found an awesome neighborhood firework show.

Then that ended, and we ran into some OTHER neighbors doing fireworks.

It doesn't quite feel like a holiday to me when I don't cook.

And I didn't.

Andrew had to work that day, so we didn't even grill.

But it turned out to be a fun day of celebration despite it not quite feeling like a holiday.

We enjoyed a lot of firsts in our new home.

The first time the lawn was mowed,

the first time we used the new grill,

the first time we had people (my parents) over for breakfast,

the first time I made fudgy oatmeal bars.

It was fun to start making this home really feel like ours as we started to really LIVE in it.

As a parent I have had massive library fail.

It is a secret guilt of mine.

I grew up loving to read and I attribute a lot of that to the time my mom spent taking me to the library.

Somehow, in our new home, the library seems more accessible than ever.

The drive is easy and inviting.

We have spent so much time at the library in the last month and it has been awesome!

One evening we went and inadvertently discovered the parrot show.

We have also gone to various libraries for the magician, the reptile show, crafts and more.

It's been a fun change in our lives.

In July we had swimming lessons.
(I'm not sure why I don't have any of those pictures made into a collage yet.)
My niece was in the lesson before us.
Then we arrived and Ammon had his lesson with another niece of mine - the cousin he is closest in age to.

The next lesson was two other cousins from the Shadel side of the family.

After they were done, Peter had his lesson with two more cousins that are his age, and another cousin (the niece of mine who had the very first lesson) who was the class helper.

A time or two we were invited to a swimming party with the Shadel cousins after lessons were over.

I spent one of those afternoons playing with my camera and the baby while the older kids swam.

For the 24th of July we spent the evening with - you guessed it - COUSINS!

Can you tell we are loving being so close to family?

We have gone on group outings and run into my sister-in-law with her kids.

We have driven down the road, only to see my brother driving up the street the other direction.

We have been able to trade kids, have play dates, and help babysit.

It's been a blast!

We are loving our new home, enjoying our neighborhood and ward, and having so much fun being able to spend tons of time with family, and then have the quickest and easiest drive home afterwards!

Despite not having any big trip or vacation this year, July was a fun month!

Finding Our Home

Buying a House part V - continued from Nevermind...

By this point, house shopping had become pretty exhausting, and we were losing our motivation.  We were in a good situation, we loved our neighbors, and I still had another year of school.  Part of me felt unsettled at the idea of staying, but a bigger part of me was really excited and almost even relieved that things were going that way.

We still had e-mails filtering in to us every day letting us know what was newly listed, but nothing really caught our eye.  We went out to see a couple of more houses, but really started to realize that it was West Jordan or nothing for us.  And even within West Jordan we were finding things we just weren't interested in.

One evening we had a batch of about three houses come through, all in West Jordan.  Two of them were split entries, which we hadn't really even looked previously.  One of them didn't even have pictures up, but the location it was in was perfect.  Andrew was about to jump out of his skin with excitement over it since it was Bingham High School territory.  House shopping in West Jordan had meant that we were setting up our kids for going to our rival school.  This resolved that dilemma for him.  To me, the area was a toss up in convenience to my special yellow house.  I didn't have the same concern about raising West Jordan jaguars as he had.  And the house wasn't any closer to my parents home than the yellow one.  The yellow one was newer, bigger, had the same sized lot, and really, at this point I was kind of in a yellow house or nothing frame of mind.  But we talked with Terry to set up showings for us anyway.

We went to the first house and immediately knew we didn't want it.  We weren't fond of the area it was in, and it had a weird, funky smell to it.  That was the rambler.  We went to the second house and it was set into a neighborhood with weird access.  It was a split entry and the condition was poor.  Andrew, Terry and I all left that house muttering, "They are seriously asking that much for THAT?"  And we were down to the third house.  We hadn't seen any pictures, but the posting said it had been updated.  We knew we liked the area, but had no idea what to expect.  And I still just wanted to wait it out and see what happened with the yellow house.  I was in no rush to jump on something.

We started driving - Andrew in one vehicle so he could go to work immediately afterwards, and me in another.  We were driving South on Bangerter - a road I rarely use when I had this overwhelming feeling that  I was driving home.  I couldn't shake the feeling so I called Andy and said, "Do you feel like you're driving home?"  I was strangely excited.  Something felt really right.

We got there and the house seemed very plain compared to my beautiful yellow home.  But it was nice.  We walked in and it reminded me of the home I lived in from age five - twelve.  I have good memories of that house.  The house smelled of new carpet, which was great.  It looked really nice.  The kitchen had been billed as updated, but I could see that the counter top was the exact counter my mom had in her home 30 years ago, so it didn't seem very updated to me.  Andrew is impulsive and I am very cautious.  I was liking what I saw, but didn't want to rush into a judgement.  Andy was walking around squealing with delight at every turn.  He walked into the master bedroom, peeked into the master bathroom and said, "Jenny-girl!  This is YOUR house!"

Based on our previous experiences, we decided we had better make an offer immediately.  But I was still uncertain as to what I wanted.  If we went into a contract on this home, it meant giving up the yellow home.  I had some serious thinking and decision making to do.  We rushed to Terry's office to write up the offer.  He had a limited amount of time as he was on his way to a funeral.  From Terry's office, Andrew headed to work and then I went to my mom's house to tell her about our morning and to talk over the pros and cons of each house.

to be continued...

Nevermind...

Buying a House Part IV - continued from The Perfect House

The day after we were accepted as a back up offer on *my* yellow house, Terry took us out again.  He had one house he was particularly excited to show us.  He felt that it was very similar to the house we loved so much, and the seller had just dropped the price to be more in the range we were looking at.  He had his reasons as to why this house was actually better than the other one and he wanted to know what we thought.

He was right - they had a lot in common.  In the moment, it seemed that there were a lot of pros and cons.  The biggest, most obvious pro was that it was available!  I was reluctant, still having my heart set on that yellow house I was so in love with, but Andrew and I agreed to go ahead and write the offer.  We saw the previous weekend that a slightest delay could cost the sale.

Throughout the day Andrew and I continued to talk.  We felt confident that this house was ours for the taking, but did we really want it?  As the day wore on, our enthusiasm weaned.  Yes, it was among the nicer houses we had considered, but at the same time, it really wasn't what we wanted.  Finally, with a small sense of guilt, we decided to retract our offer.

As it turned out, three other offers had been made that day and ours wouldn't have been selected anyway.  Our arrogance was ignorant, and we really began to see what a tricky market we were dealing with.  My focus began to shift back to staying put for another year.  That was the original plan anyway.  I felt like we could wait and see what might happen with the yellow house, but otherwise, we should just keep our eyes out with the plan to move the following year.

To be continued in Finding Our Home.

The Perfect House

Buying a House Part III - continued from The Search Begins

On the Friday night after we started looking with Terry, I saw a LOVELY yellow house listed.  It wasn't a short sale and the listing indicated that they were priced to sell.  Terry had an obligation the following morning and we had a soccer game for Peter, but we planned to go see the house as soon as possible - Saturday afternoon.  One of our goals in our move was to be closer to family, and though we were trying to keep an open mind to do what was best for us, we really kept coming back to the idea that what was best for us WAS to be closer to family.  We just love having easy access to the people that we enjoy sharing so much of our time with.  This house was not only adorable and beautifully landscaped, but it was in the most ideal location of anything we had looked at.  I was giddy over the possibilities!  I nervously sat through the soccer game, showing pictures to my brother and sister (who each had a child on Peter's team) and anxiously waited for our chance to go see the house.

We went to see it and I was immediately in love.  It was everything I had thought I wanted.  It had great curb appeal and was just adorable.  We LOVED the backyard with a large wooden deck and beautiful trees and paths around the house.  There were some seemingly minor flaws to the house, but I couldn't acknowledge them - I was so set on wanting to buy it.

From the showing we went directly to Terry's office to write up an offer.  We had burst a little above the price range we were shooting for, but we could still make it work.  And for this house, we decided, it was worth it.

But the bad news came.  An offer had been made - and accepted, that very morning.  Still, we could try to be the back up offer because sales fell through all the time.

So that's what we did.  We put in an offer on a house for the first time in our lives.  It took a little while to get everything going.  We had to put down earnest money and sign all the papers.  Andrew was so nervous.  I wasn't nervous at all - it didn't seem real since it was just a back up offer and I was positive I wanted this house if we could possibly have it.

I think this is when the prayers really started.  I was extremely emotionally invested.  There were things that were completely outside of my control.  I wanted what was best for our family.  And so I began to pray fervently that we would be able to progress with confidence and be able to be blessed with the house that Heavenly Father wanted us to have.  I have such a strong belief that Heavenly Father leads us to different places in our lives and that His plan for us is always better than our own plan for us.  I wanted to see His plan fulfilled in our lives and I knew that miracles could happen to make things work out exactly as they should.

The following Monday we learned that we had been accepted as the back up!  That news felt like we were just one step closer to having His miracles fall into place for us.  It was an exciting time and I just continued to pray my guts out.  And while we waited for the situation to unfold, we continued to keep our eyes on the market and to go out looking at the houses that were available.

To be continued in Nevermind...

Andrew's Talk About Sacrifice

I would like to start my remarks this morning by posing a question. My question for all of us is:

How do we show our commitment to the Savoir?

I submit to you brothers and sisters that our commitment is demonstrated at least in part by our willingness to sacrifice and by our acts of service.

I would like to share with you a few examples of that I believe illustrate this point.

Prophet Joseph

The Prophet Joseph Smith’s life gives us an example of one who showed his commitment through sacrifice and service. His life was full given to the Lord and His purposes. He stands as an example if one who consistently did what he was asked regardless of the cost to himself. He was willing not only to die for the cause of Christ and the Gospel he was willing to live for it. His life provided a great example of sacrifice and commitment to the Lord.

Our Commitments

Most of us will not be asked to die for our testimonies of the gospel however, we are asked to sacrifice in a number of ways. Each sacrifices whether great or small will show the Lord that we are committed to Him.

Typically we are asked to serve in callings, as home and visiting teachers, on committees or in an auxiliary presidency, bishopric or some other capacity. We are asked to serve in the temple, both as patrons and as temple workers. We are also asked to serve each other as neighbors and friend. Each of these types of service will require sacrifice on our part. When we sacrifice for the benefit of other and serve faithfully in church callings and assignments the Lord recognizes our commitment to Him and His work.

Whatever the case may be sacrifice is never easy. But, we are willing to make the sacrifice because we love the Lord and want to serve Him.

Missionary Sacrifice

One of the most visible sacrifices today is that of our full-time missionaries. We have 50,000 young men and young women who have put off education and other worthy pursuits to share the gospel message. An additional 5,000 couples have put off their retirement to serve.

“They devote from six months to two years of their lives to teaching the gospel of Jesus Christ and providing humanitarian service in more than 160 countries in the world. Their work always involves sacrifice, including the years they give to the work of the Lord and also the sacrifices made in providing funds for their support.”

When President Hinckley was asked by a minister of another faith how we motivate our missionaries to provide this extraordinary service he simply replied “We just ask.”

Member Sacrifices

We serve and sacrifice in a variety of way in our own lives each day. This service can be in many forms. Some of our opportunities to serve come as a direct result of a church calling or assignment.

 I would like to share some experiences I have had with sacrifice related to church callings. I am sure many of you could provide similar experiences from your church service. 

Home Teaching

As a home teacher, Late one night I received a phone call from the Sister Avery; she told me that her husband had been very ill with an infection. She asked me to provide a priesthood blessing. I called another brother in our ward and together we gave the blessing. Brother Avery had a short stay in the hospital but made speedy recovery. The following Sunday I noticed the family was not at church. It was announced in Priesthood meeting that Sister Avery had become very ill and was in the hospital to have her gallbladder removed. After Church I went to hospital to see what I could. A blessing had already been provided by her husband another family member. Later that same month their infant daughter was ill and I was asked to assist Brother Avery in providing a blessing for their daughter.

Husband to the RS President

In our last ward I was extended a calling that gave me great satisfaction and also required more sacrifice than any I had held before. Our Bishop called Jenny and I into his office and extended to her, the calling of Relief Society President. He then looked at me and said with all seriousness, "Andrew, this is a calling for you too. You will be the husband of the Relief Society President. You will be her counselor and partner in this. You will not know everything that she does, but she will need your help with this calling." I took my calling seriously and helped as much as I could. I think in most cases she found the advice of her counselors to be more valuable than what I offered, but when she could include me she did.

I found that the sacrifices I was making more often than not was holding things like making dinner when she was gone in the evening for meetings or visiting with a sister who needed her. There were some nights when she was going about the Lord’s work in our little ward and we did not have time together. I saw her sacrifice time that should have been used studying to help the sisters in our ward. It was not unusual for her to look out our window into the apartment common area and see a sister that she felt impressed to just go visit with. We had a sister who had specific needs that arose in the ward and I saw the Lord work though Jenny to identify other women in the ward who were able to provide assistance.

The times when Jenny was gone, our boys would miss her at dinner and bedtime especially. I did my best to teach them that mom was doing her calling - that we all missed her but what she was doing was important.

It is times like these that we show the Lord that we are committed to Him and His gospel.

New Member Sacrifices

Others who make sacrifices are new converts to the church in a recent conference address Elder Oaks relate the following account of a young man who joined the church while studying in the United States.

“As this man was about to return to his native land, President Gordon B. Hinckley asked him what would happen to him when he returned home as a Christian. ‘My family will be disappointed,’ the young man answered. ‘They may cast me out and regard me as dead. As for my future and my career, all opportunity may be foreclosed against me.’

‘Are you willing to pay so great a price for the gospel?’ President Hinckley asked.

Tearfully the young man answered, ‘It’s true, isn’t it?’ When that was affirmed, he replied, ‘then what else matters?’”

Parents’ Story

My parents joined the Church separately as teenagers to this day they are each the only members of their families who have joined the Church on this side of the veil.

My father completed a full time mission in Germany. After her returned home they were engaged.

Together, they made the difficult choice to forgo a traditional wedding that their families and friends could attend and chose to be sealed for time and all eternity to in the House of the Lord.  As my mother once stated "We would rather disappoint our earthly parents than our Heavenly parents."

They made the long drive from Burlington, Vermont to Washington, DC knowing that whatever the fallout might be the Lord was pleased with their choice.

As a result of that choice my mom’s mother would not speak to our family for several years following their wedding.

However, the greater impact was the example that was set for future generations. Their choice, to be sealed in the temple, has had a positive influence on their three children and 13 grandchildren. Because of their sacrifice they have sent two sons on missions and seen their three children sealed in the temple. Their commitment to the Savior was made clear by their sacrifices.

Temple Service/Sacrifice

We also show our commitment by serving in the temple. Here in the Salt Lake Valley we are blesses to have 4 temples. Yesterday morning I wanted to go to the temple and because Oquirrh Mountain is closed I had to go ALL the way to Jordan River.

While temples are beginning to “dot the earth” as President Brigham Young prophesied, there are still many members who do not have the luxury of having 4 temples within a 20 min driving distance.

Bishop Wassain’s Story

I recall when I arrived in Baton Rouge, LA, in September of 1998, as a missionary the members were very excited for the temple recently announced, and under construction in Houston, TX because it would only be about 4 hours away instead of  instead of the nearly 8 hours they were traveling to Dallas, TX to attend the temple. On Oct. 14^th 1998 the Baton Rouge, LA temple was announced. The temple was dedicated on July, 16^th of 2000, just one month before I left. During that time I was serving in Houma, LA about 80 miles southwest of Baton Rouge.  During fast and testimony meeting the August following temple dedication the Bishop of the stood up and said:

“The most amazing thing happened to me yesterday. I woke up in my own bed yesterday morning. I drove to the temple and did several endowment sessions. I drove home and this morning I woke up in my own bed.”

At first his statement that this was “Amazing” to him struck me as odd. Then I realized he has never done that before. He had always had to make long drives both ways and would need to stay in a hotel for at least one night, if not two.

No matter how far we have to travel, whether two miles or 200 miles, temple attendance is a sacrifice of time and provides a great service for those who have gone before us.

I know that as we sacrifice and serve the Lord to the very best of our abilities he will bless us the greater strength, and an increased ability to serve and do his work. Our sacrifices both great and small show Him that we love him and that we are committed to the gospel.

Jenny's Talk About Adversity

More than a decade ago I listened to the words of President James E. Faust who said that he “felt great strength and power in the presence of the Divine.”  He elaborated, saying, “A special, sacred feeling has been a sustaining influence and often a close companion."

I often find myself studying the lives and examples of apostles, and when I hear or read a statement like this, I can’t help but wonder how I can achieve those same results.  I want to feel the great strength and power that comes from being in the presence of the Divine.  And I want to have a special, sacred feeling become a sustaining influence and close companion in my life.  The answer on how to achieve this may be surprising.  When we back up and look at that complete statement in context, this is what President Faust had to say,

“In the Gethsemanes of life which we all have, and often in my present calling, I have gone to my knees with a humble spirit to the only place I could for help.  I often went in agony of spirit, earnestly pleading with God to sustain me in the work I have come to appreciate more than life itself. I have, on occasion, felt a terrible aloneness of the wounds of the heart, of the sweet agony, the buffetings of Satan, and the encircling warm comfort of the Spirit of the Master.

I have also felt the crushing burden, the self-doubts of inadequacy and unworthiness, the fleeting feeling of being forsaken, then of being reinforced an hundredfold. I have climbed a spiritual Mount Sinai dozens of times, seeking to communicate and to receive instructions. It has been as though I have struggled up an almost real Mount of Transfiguration and, upon occasion, felt great strength and power in the presence of the Divine. A special, sacred feeling has been a sustaining influence and often a close companion."

Last April, President Eyring taught, “If we have faith in Jesus Christ, the hardest as well as the easiest of times in life can be a blessing.”  President Faust clearly understood this principle.  His life was not void of adversity, yet, as he acted in faith, those moments of adversity actually served to bring him closer to the Savior and helped him become more like our Father in Heaven.

President Eyring has been a favorite of mine for years, but one thing I didn’t know about him was that he worked with a contractor building footings and foundations when he was a young man.  As he explained that process he said, “In a similar way, the ground must be carefully prepared for our foundation of faith to withstand the storms that will come into every life.  That solid basis for a foundation of faith is personal integrity.”

I don’t know about you, but I had never really thought of integrity as being the solid basis that helped me through my adversities.  But as he continued, I began to understand.  He elaborated that personal integrity is choosing the right consistently.  He said, “Our choosing the right consistently whenever the choice is placed before us creates the solid ground under our faith…  Those choices, hundreds in most days, prepare the solid ground on which our edifice of faith is built.”

As I ponder this in retrospect, I begin to see how the little choices I make each day really have blessed me when facing difficulties in life.  My sister experienced a very poignant example of this in her own life. 

I was four or five months pregnant with my son Peter when my sister suddenly announced that she was going to welcome a son into her home the following month.  She was surprising us all with the news of an unexpected adoption.  She explained the circumstances of the adoption.  She shared with us the questions and prayers - the acting on faith that had led to this circumstance.  She spoke of the hours she had spent in the temple and the whisperings that had come to her over weeks and months.  She was filled with faith, and as she shared her wonderful news with us it was immediately accompanied by a spirit that touched us all.  We didn’t know this unborn baby – we didn’t even know the birth mom of this child.  But we felt an eternal connection that radiated through our entire extended family. 

My sister already had two daughters, so a son meant painting the baby room blue, packing up all the pink clothes, and going shopping for appropriate boy things.  Preparations were made in a whirlwind and we anxiously counted down the days to the due date.

Then, my sister received a phone call.  For a routine doctor visit, the birth mom had gone to her appointment, and they were unable to find a heartbeat.  The baby was delivered stillborn a few days later. 

It was a shocking an unexpected blow.  Why had all these promptings come to follow a path when it would end in such unfathomable heartache?  My sister plunged into some of the darkest moments of her life in the days that followed.  And many of us, though we didn’t despair to the same extent, felt keenly the pain and suffering that she was experiencing. 

And this is the part of the story, where choosing the right, every day, little by little, made a difference for us.  Nothing about the situation made any level of sense.  But the following weekend was fast and testimony meeting and my mom, my sister and I all mentioned to each other later, that in the midst of our questions and confusion, we had each had the opportunity to share our testimonies of the love and goodness of God.  In our adversity, we fell back on the knowledge that we had gained through a lifetime of personal integrity in following and trusting our Heavenly Father.  And only that could sustain us.

I remember my sister talking about sitting on the chair in the baby room freshly painted with blue walls.  She was rocking back and forth faithfully trying to understand what miracle Heavenly Father was preparing her for.  Nothing could calm her troubled heart.  With good intentions, people all around her offered words of consolation and counsel.  But nothing eased the intense pain she was experiencing.  She had faith that the Lord had raised people from the dead and really couldn’t see anything short of that satisfying her aching heart or healing her from the agony she was in.

And yet, she was healed.

This week she sat in my living room, as we discussed the topic of my talk, and she recounted what a strengthening experience that was for her.  She expressed the understanding that trials have since been easier as she has learned (and this is a direct quote from her) “God knows the end from the beginning and He, by His very nature, is a kind and loving father who wants what is ultimately the very best for us - even when it doesn't seem like the best thing to us, with our limited vision.”

As it turned out, that experience ultimately led to a different adoption and brought her son into our family.  In the midst of it, when people tried to comfort her by saying that she could have another child, she mentally cried out in anguish exclaiming that another child wouldn’t compensate for the loss of THIS child.  It didn’t, and it never could.  But the atonement of Jesus Christ compensates for all loss in ways that cannot be described, but must be experienced.  Her experience was that she has been healed from the pain.  As my mom said to me this week, “Christ takes the sting out of adversity as well as death.  He will make it worth your while.”  We all wondered how it would ever be possible to heal from such a difficult experience and yet now we look back on it with gratitude.

After explaining that the hardest as well as the easiest times in life can be a blessing, President Eyring went on to say, “In all conditions, we can choose the right with the guidance of the Spirit.  We have the gospel of Jesus Christ to shape and guide our lives if we choose it.  And with prophets revealing to us our place in the plan of salvation, we can live with perfect hope and a feeling of peace.  We never need to feel that we are alone or unloved in the Lord’s service because we never are.  We can feel the love of God.  The Savior has promised angels on our left and our right to bear us up.  And He always keeps His word.”

There are different types of adversity.  Some trials come as a result of our poor choices and even sins.  Some trials come to us because of the sins of someone else.  Other trials seem to come by the hand of God.  Some are even just a natural product of Earth life.  But regardless of the apparent source of your trial, you can be strengthened to get through it, and more importantly you can be healed from your heartache through the atonement of Jesus Christ.

We all know those famous words to Joseph Smith in response to his questions about why certain difficulties had happened to him.

“Know though my son (or daughter) that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.”

And then,

“The Son of Man hath descended below them all.  Art thou greater than He?”

I have had experiences that I really genuinely didn’t believe could possibly be for my good.  I just didn’t.  And one day I listened to a song from Women at the Well where Mary and Martha sang to the Lord, “If though hadst been here!”  And they knew, like I knew, that the Savior could have prevented their pain.  But what they learned, and what it took me a full year past that point to understand, was that the atonement is so powerful that not only can it protect us from pains and sorrows, but it can heal us from the most heart-wrenching and anguishing of experiences.

When I asked friends and family what thoughts they had about adversity, my sister-in-law shared this quote by Elder Orson F. Whitney, “No pain that we suffer. . .is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of patience, faith, fortitude, and humility. All that we suffer. . .especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called Children of God. . .and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we came here to acquire and which will make us more like our Father and Mother in heaven."

I love the sweet story President Eyring told about words spoken at his mother’s funeral.  She had died after a ten year battle with cancer.  President Kimball spoke at the funeral and said, “Some of you may have thought that Mildred suffered so long and so much because of something she had done wrong that required the trials.”  He then said, “No, it was that God just wanted her to be polished a little more.”

President Eyring said that his response to that statement was simply to wonder, “If a woman that good needed that much polishing, what is ahead for me?”

Likewise, as I have faced some of my greatest challenges in life, I have looked around and realized I am not alone.  “The Lord chastens those he loves.”

President Eyring said, “I cannot promise an end to your adversity in this life.  I cannot assure you that your trials will seem to you to be only for a moment.  One of the characteristics of trials in life is that they seem to make clocks slow down and then appear almost to stop.”

He continued, “There are reasons for that.  Knowing those reasons may not give much comfort, but it can give you a feeling of patience.  Those reasons come from this one fact: in Their perfect love for you, Heavenly Father and the Savior want you fitted to be with Them to live in families forever.  Only those washed perfectly clean through the Atonement of Jesus Christ can be there.”

In studying for and preparing this talk, I came to realize that adversity is what gives us experience with the atonement so that we can have confidence in its power when we need it to cleanse us from our sins.  It really is through a perfect love and understanding, that Heavenly Father allows us to experience all things – again, with the promise that they will be for our good.

I have a testimony of these things.  I know that Heavenly Father loves us beyond our comprehension.  I believe that all experiences He allows us to have truly are for our good and given to us as a great blessing.  He will sustain each of us even as we experience our own personal Gethsemanes of life.

In the name of Jesus Christ,

Amen.