Turning Six

I originally told Peter he could only have eight people at his party.

(He really wanted party hats and they came in sets of eight.)

We sent out invitations only to realize we forgot key people - like cousins!

His party slowly grew and grew until he ended up with fourteen guests.

Somehow it had ended up as big as Ammon's party.

Only with younger kids.

And before we had a chance to recover from the previous week.

We played soccer, bingo, balloon games, relays and even duck duck goose.

At some points I felt like trying to keep the kids entertained was sheer torture.

Peter had a blast, though, and I'm glad we were able to have so many friends come.

I had made the cupcakes for Ammon's party, and went the easy route with Peter's.

They enjoyed the store bought cupcakes and we did ice cream sandwiches, so that was easy too.

Ultimately, Andrew and I swore to never do back to back parties EVER again.

But they were worth it (this one time.)

Peter had his first real "friend" party and overall, it was a success.

Ammon's Birthday Party (Four Months Late)

I am terrible about throwing parties for my kids birthdays.

This year I promised myself I would do it.

Ammon's birthday is the day after Christmas.

A party totally didn't happen.

So I decided to do it a month later.

That didn't happen either.

I kept meaning to do it, but I never did.

One day Ammon and I were driving.

We were talking about the importance of obedience.

He had mentioned that he loved me.

I explained that I didn't FEEL like he loved me when he was disobedient.

I asked what made him FEEL loved.

He said, "If you give me a birthday party."

It just about broke my heart in two.

I really, really, really meant to!

I just hadn't done it yet.

And so once again I was resolved to throw a party for him.

Only  to have it delayed over and over again.

Then I looked at the calendar and realized it was time to throw Peter a birthday party.

I knew I couldn't do a party for Peter, when I hadn't done one for Ammon yet.

That is how he ended up having a party in April - exactly one week before Peter's birthday.

We had a Power Rangers Samurai theme.

We made swords for everyone and let them lose in the backyard.

Then we had training boot camp.

My husband taught the kids some kicks, punches, and blocks.

After they were properly trained, we had a board breaking demo.

It was a last minute addition to the party.

My husband got some boards and did some breaks with punches and kicks.

Then he took some bricks out to the yard and punched them too.

The kids all swarmed around him and took home pieces of boards for souvenirs.

Apparently the demos were the talk of the town for days and even weeks to come.

After the entertainment, we had a BBQ dinner.

Then we wrapped it up with the traditional presents, cake and icecream.

It was exhausting, but I think we met our goal:

Ammon felt loved.

Field Trip

Peter had a field trip the week after graduation.

I was eager to go with him, glad to know I wouldn't have any school conflicts.

We were assigned two parents to five children.

The other parent I was paired with was my sister-in-law, so that was great!

We had fun traipsing all over the zoo.

I learned all sorts of interesting tid-bits that I had never heard before.

And most importantly, I made great memories with my boy!

Graduation!

The night before Andrew and I were engaged, I had a break down.

It's kind of a funny story.

Andrew had mentioned to a girl from our neighborhood that he was thinking of proposing.

The girl worked at the local grocery store where my mom shopped.

My mom was checking out with her food purchases and was surprised to be congratulated on my engagement.

She came home a little bit upset that she had to find out from someone other than me that I was engaged.

Of course, I wasn't.

But it took a minute to convince my mom.

That night Andrew and I went out on a wonderful date downtown.

We toured the top of the conference center and had a wonderful evening.

But considering the events of the afternoon, the topic of marriage came up.

I brought it up -

By telling him all of the reasons I wasn't ready to get married.

(NO IDEA he was planning to propose in less than 24 hours.)

One of my biggest issues was my education.

I had just finished my associates degree and I didn't know what marriage would do to my education plans.

I wanted to continue on to get my BS degree.

For some reason, in my mind, I had always felt that my educational goals would need to take backseat once I was married.

Andrew assured me that if we were to get married, he would make sure I was able to finish.

The events of the next day are another story in and of themselves.

We were engaged, and Andrew held true to his promise.

We both enrolled in school and continued our educations.

We even took a class together - which was fun!

Sadly, I found my health failing and was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.

It is a problem that seems to have been a bad reaction to medication.

The closest things I have had to relapses has been also traceable to medications.

But regardless of the cause, I became completely dysfunctional for a time.

I had to give up school.

I got to the point where I was literally only sleeping and going to work.

And then I got to a point where I couldn't even do that much.

I remember calling Andrew on my lunch breaks sobbing because I was so tired.

Even though I had literally slept for about 15 hours before coming to work.

Eventually I ended up on disability.

Fortunately, I found a specialist who happened to have an intern who recognized the medication I was on and had me drop it immediately.

With that change and a few other adjustments to restore my health, I slowly became a person again.

When I started feeling more confident about my health, my interest in education had waned.

I was ready for motherhood.

It was a scary choice to make - at that point I believed I had CFS.

I was told it could and would come back.

And I was told that having children can made it worse.

But I always knew I would be a mom and when the time felt right, we pursued that choice.

Ammon was born within the year.

Peter took longer to get here.

Ammon was getting older enough that I started to revisit my educational goals.

I was in the process of enrolling for fall semester when I went to the doctor to start fertility work.

He wrote me some prescriptions and I waited for the first day of my next cycle to start them.

That day never came.

I was pregnant.

And once again, I willingly walked away from school.

But after Peter, no more children were coming.

I got pregnant, but miscarried.

For a while I assumed I could get pregnant again whenever I wanted to.

But eventually we learned that it wasn't going to be so easy.

The tumor in my pituitary gland created fertility complications.

And the treatment caused me major health issues.

(Not the least of which was the CFS-seeming relapse.)

The doctor told us that if we wanted to actively attempt pregnancy, I would need medical help.

He said if we wanted to actively prevent, we would need to take precautions.

We were somewhere in the middle.

We wanted more children, but it didn't seem right at the time.

There were years of heartache and tears, but always the Spirit told me no.

What the Spirit did tell me was that it was time to go back to school.

The entire time I was in school, I didn't really know why.

I was playing with two different degrees, but I didn't really want a career.

I wanted to be a mom.

The whole thing seemed kind of pointless at times.

But the experiences of being in school blessed me and it blessed my family.

It was also really hard.

And my husband - true to his word - supported me faithfully.

On the night I took my very last test, I got into the car and started to cry.

I had done it!

And in that moment, all I could think about was that very first promise Andrew made me - 

That he would make sure I finished.

It took longer than either of us had hoped.

But the delays weren't his fault.

(I'm pretty sure the fact that I slept through the first year of our marriage was not his ideal.)

It was a long process of twists and turns, but he stayed true to his word.

In more than ten years, I never had a time when I mentioned wanting to be in school that he wasn't 100% behind me.

The graduation itself was LONG.

Somehow, even though I was in the very front row, I ended up being the fifth from last person called.

I felt terrible torturing the people who had come to support me.

Andrew, Ammon, Peter, my parents, my in-laws, my sister and my grandparents were all there.

Afterwards we had a family BBQ which included some of the people who weren't able to come up to the U.

I always believed that if I finished a Psychology degree I would get my Master's degree too.

I didn't get into the MSW program and I worried I would feel like my degree was a waste.

 But I haven't felt that way at all.

I have been amazed at how much my education is like my mission.

The process of having accomplished this goal, and the experiences I have had in the process seem like they have become a fundamental part of who I am.

I feel like I am better off for my education in a way that can't be defined through a job offer or income.

Though the process was slow and subtle, becoming a college graduate changed me in a way I will always be grateful for.

Easter

Easter was really fun this year.

We "accidentally" ended up with kind of big gifts for the boys - they got scooters.

To make it interesting, Andrew created a treasure hunt for them.

They woke up and received their traditional baskets.

Then we did our normal egg hunt.

But once they found all their eggs, Andrew pulled out a plastic egg with the first clue.

The hunt took them through the house, out into the yard, around to the front and back into the basement.

At the end of it all, they were excited to find their scooters.

We actually bought a scooter for Peter at Christmas.

But then he ended up with enough other stuff, we decided to hold onto it until his Birthday.

A couple of days before Easter Ammon mentioned that he wanted a scooter.

I was surprised.

I felt like the scooter was kind of unnecessary because they already have bikes.

But by this time we had something else we wanted to get Peter for his birthday anyway.

So we went on a quick shopping trip to hunt down a scooter in a price range similar to the deal we got Peter's at.

The one we ended up wasn't quite as cheap, but it was close enough we decided to do it.

As it turns out, scooters are COMPLETELY different than bikes.

The boys love them and ride them EVERYWHERE.

They are super easy to pack up and take to the park, which is SOOO nice!

They also started using the scooters to ride home from school, saving me a trip to pick them up.

I was really leery about whether or not they would be worth it.

I have been glad over and over and over again that we just took the plunge and bough them.

SO worth it!

After church we went to my mom's house.

Every year she does a fun egg hunt for the kids.

We usually avoid doing it ON Easter, but this year schedules were hard.

The kids each have a specifically colored egg that is for them to find.

My mom hides between 1 -2 dozen for each of them.

Some are filled with little candies.

But she also puts "coupons" in the eggs that they trade in for bigger prizes at the end.

She also did a scripture read for the kids once the egg hunt was over.

We weren't able to schedule an actual dinner with Andrew's parents, but we took them food.

After our egg hunt at my mom's house we headed home.

Peggy and Derrick joined us for dessert.

The boys were excited to tell them all about their day.

We had a great time visiting.

Andrew and I had recently experienced the most crazy temple session EVER.

(Seriously a "series of unfortunate events" that were quite hysterical.)

We were practically rolling on the floor telling them about it after the boys were in bed.

It was a great holiday.

Fun Times

It looks like one reason I fell so behind in blogging is that I forgot to take pictures!

Here are a few that cover the second half of February and all of March.

When we got Andrew off the evening shift at work, we re-discovered Friday night.

We made a fun treat and had a family game night.

I love playing games and always consider it a treat when the four of us play together.

Pack Meeting in February was fun.

Somehow we have managed to miss both March and April.

We had a great dinner and a fun time visiting with friends and neighbors.

In March we took advantage of our Clark Planetarium Passes.

It's fun that we have cousins with the same set-up.

We tagged along on their outing.

After hanging out and watching a movie at the planetarium, we walked over to Gateway.

The kids had fun playing in the water.

It was also really fun to find Grandma's name on the Olympic wall.

We were with Nunes cousins, so that is the Grandma we looked up first.

But both Grandma's were volunteers and we found Grandma Shadel's name as well.

The Announcement I Never Thought I'd Make Again

I don't really know where to begin.  This is the announcement I never thought I would get to make again:  I'm pregnant!

The month before this happened, my cycle was longer than normal.  (Longer than MY normal, which is already longer than normal.)  I felt yucky, but I have learned to ignore that.  I have a tumor in my pituitary gland which causes my cycles to be messed up and makes it difficult for me to get pregnant.  I've gotten used to the idea that the longer my cycle goes, the more I start feeling sick.  It has changed my perspective on life because I get into those days where I wait for my period to begin with anticipation.  (Yeah, imagine anticipating THAT.)  Usually I'll wait it out.  Sometimes, though, I start to convince myself that I might actually be pregnant.  That is sheer torture.  I don't want to get my hopes up because the reality is that I never am. But I don't want to convince myself that I don't really want to be pregnant because, well, what if?  When my head gets to that point, I just use a test from the dollar store and confirm the negative.  In the beginning, before I had the tumor diagnosed and really understood how messed up my hormones are, I took as many as five tests and still wouldn't believe the results.  All the symptoms would be there.  I'd convince myself that perhaps I tested too early, so I'd try again a few days later.  Again, and again and again.  But after years of this juggle I've learned to trust the negative.  No matter how I feel or what my symptoms, the negative test is always right.

And that's what happened last month.  I took a test, it was negative, and a few days later my body got with the program and we started a new cycle.

One afternoon, a few weeks later, I was out for a walk with my boys along the Jordan River Parkway Trail.  They were on their scooters and I was trying to keep up.  I got insanely sick and had to sit down on the trail.  For several minutes I thought I was going to lose everything.  I started dry heaving into the bushes off the side of the trail.  But the problem with that was that I had nothing to lose.  I had eaten very little that day and though I was astonished that a simple walk could make me so incredibly ill simply due to lack of food, it was obvious that I needed to be careful about eating better if I was going to be out walking.  I had gotten so sick that I called the boys back, sent them in the direction of the park, and continued to sit/crawl along the trail for a few moments.  Andrew was just getting off of work and I almost started to cry when he called.  I told him how sick I was and we decided that he would pick up some take out on his way home and just meet me right there in the park - I wouldn't even try to get the boys home by myself.  I finally made it back to a bench near the slides and waited for him to arrive.  Wow.  Lesson learned:  don't go for a walk without eating well first.

When I graduated, I was ready to tackle the house and get things in order.  I was surprised at how little I seemed to be able to accomplish when the time came.  I was worn out and just couldn't seem to get myself going.  I had volunteered to do a lot of extra things at the boys school, so I was a different kind of busy, but I still had envisioned myself getting more done than I was doing.  Ultimately I just did what I could, and slowly I at least felt like I was making a dent in some of my cleaning projects.

One night, soon after that, I had a really vivid dream.  I saved a baby and I just remember holding her in my arms and somehow, by saving her, she became mine.  It was a tangibly sweet feeling and I woke up with the sensations still in my heart.  The very next night I had another dream about saving a baby and having that baby be mine.  "How funny," I thought.  "Vivid dreams can occur during pregnancy."  And then I moved on because I am never pregnant.

A few days later I had this sudden sensation that someone was missing from our family.  It caught me by surprise and almost took my breath away.  I had heard of people who have experienced feeling that way, but I never had before.  I wondered if it was an impression of a more spiritual nature, but told myself that it was probably just a response to those dreams and I shrugged the thought away.

I started feeling really queasy, but by this time I was REALLY overdue for my period to start.  I knew that the illness I felt was definitely hormonal and I was just really really ready for that period to come so I could feel better again.  "This darn tumor," I complained to myself.

Then Peter threw up.  "Oh,"  I thought, "Maybe I have the flu and I'm actually sick?"  His bug ran it's course in about 24 hours.  The night he was feeling better, I started feeling worse.  I stayed home from church and we skipped a friends baptism because we didn't want to spread the germs.  But then I continued to feel worse and worse.

The week before I got really nauseous, Andy would come home from work every evening and give me a concerned look.  "Are you OK?" he would ask.  I would shrug and with a confused look I'd tell him, "I'm fine - just a little bit tired, I guess."  He would look at me questioningly, but accept my response.

Finally I started to put it all together.  The fatigue, the illness, the breast tenderness, the cravings (I suddenly wanted hamburgers and eggs) and the food aversions (I got to the point where I couldn't look at dirty dishes in my kitchen without turning green and though I went through an unusual phase of wanting burgers, the idea of meatballs or anything with ground beef is now revolting to me).  So like I said - I finally put it all together:  it's the tumor.  I need to go back to the doctor and start medicating this thing.

I mentioned to my mom how sick I had been.  She hopefully said, "Maybe you're pregnant!"  I just looked at her and explained, "Mom, I have learned to not even wonder about that - for me, pregnancy symptoms just means my hormones are messed up because of the tumor."

But I did wonder.  I wondered a lot.  Because in all my years of false pregnancy symptoms, there had never been so many and they had never been so extreme.

Still, I couldn't believe it.

The next morning I was making breakfast for the kids, and I was so overcome with a wave of nausea that I had to drop to the floor right then and there and just wait it out.  It passed, we went on with our morning - got Ammon to school and Peter and I went for a walk around Day Break Lake with my sister and my mom.

Watching my "baby" play at the park with no idea that in less than an hour I would learn a NEW baby would be joining our family.

After our walk, my sister took Peter home with her and I found myself driving alone, knowing that the dollar store was minutes from my house and that I had to go to the bathroom anyway.  The timing was perfect.

I grabbed a test and asked myself, "If I am pregnant, am I really ready to know?"  And I shrugged the question away because it is always negative, and I just needed to have evidence of that so I didn't get all worked up over the possibilities.

I got home and without even thinking about it, I took the test.  Before I could even really realize what I had done, the test was lighting up with the most obvious positive I have ever had.  Wow - as much as I "knew", I really didn't see that coming!

I knew I wouldn't be able to reach Andy right away, so with my hands shaking I called my sister.  She answered and I just blurted out, "I'm pregnant!"

Then we both just went crazy with shock, disbelief and excitement.  She asked me when the baby was due and I had no idea.  On the way home from the dollar store I had actually wondered about that.  In years past, I would have known exactly what the possible due date would have been.  I didn't even have a rough estimate.  She pulled out her computer and looked it up.  WORST due date ever.  This baby is on the exact same timeline as Ammon was.  We are most likely looking at a baby between Christmas and New Years.  (We already have four birthdays in our extended family in that week and it is a terrible time of year to have a birthday.)

But lousy birthday or not - we are having a baby!  It is an unbelievable shock, puts us headed in a completely different direction than we were expecting, and as I tell this story, I couldn't feel more blessed.  What a crazy and unexpected miracle!