Sunday, July 22, 2012

Jenny's Talk About Adversity


More than a decade ago I listened to the words of President James E. Faust who said that he “felt great strength and power in the presence of the Divine.”  He elaborated, saying, “A special, sacred feeling has been a sustaining influence and often a close companion."

I often find myself studying the lives and examples of apostles, and when I hear or read a statement like this, I can’t help but wonder how I can achieve those same results.  I want to feel the great strength and power that comes from being in the presence of the Divine.  And I want to have a special, sacred feeling become a sustaining influence and close companion in my life.  The answer on how to achieve this may be surprising.  When we back up and look at that complete statement in context, this is what President Faust had to say,

In the Gethsemanes of life which we all have, and often in my present calling, I have gone to my knees with a humble spirit to the only place I could for help.  I often went in agony of spirit, earnestly pleading with God to sustain me in the work I have come to appreciate more than life itself. I have, on occasion, felt a terrible aloneness of the wounds of the heart, of the sweet agony, the buffetings of Satan, and the encircling warm comfort of the Spirit of the Master.

I have also felt the crushing burden, the self-doubts of inadequacy and unworthiness, the fleeting feeling of being forsaken, then of being reinforced an hundredfold. I have climbed a spiritual Mount Sinai dozens of times, seeking to communicate and to receive instructions. It has been as though I have struggled up an almost real Mount of Transfiguration and, upon occasion, felt great strength and power in the presence of the Divine. A special, sacred feeling has been a sustaining influence and often a close companion."

Last April, President Eyring taught, “If we have faith in Jesus Christ, the hardest as well as the easiest of times in life can be a blessing.”  President Faust clearly understood this principle.  His life was not void of adversity, yet, as he acted in faith, those moments of adversity actually served to bring him closer to the Savior and helped him become more like our Father in Heaven.

President Eyring has been a favorite of mine for years, but one thing I didn’t know about him was that he worked with a contractor building footings and foundations when he was a young man.  As he explained that process he said, “In a similar way, the ground must be carefully prepared for our foundation of faith to withstand the storms that will come into every life.  That solid basis for a foundation of faith is personal integrity.”

I don’t know about you, but I had never really thought of integrity as being the solid basis that helped me through my adversities.  But as he continued, I began to understand.  He elaborated that personal integrity is choosing the right consistently.  He said, “Our choosing the right consistently whenever the choice is placed before us creates the solid ground under our faith…  Those choices, hundreds in most days, prepare the solid ground on which our edifice of faith is built.”

As I ponder this in retrospect, I begin to see how the little choices I make each day really have blessed me when facing difficulties in life.  My sister experienced a very poignant example of this in her own life. 

I was four or five months pregnant with my son Peter when my sister suddenly announced that she was going to welcome a son into her home the following month.  She was surprising us all with the news of an unexpected adoption.  She explained the circumstances of the adoption.  She shared with us the questions and prayers - the acting on faith that had led to this circumstance.  She spoke of the hours she had spent in the temple and the whisperings that had come to her over weeks and months.  She was filled with faith, and as she shared her wonderful news with us it was immediately accompanied by a spirit that touched us all.  We didn’t know this unborn baby – we didn’t even know the birth mom of this child.  But we felt an eternal connection that radiated through our entire extended family. 

My sister already had two daughters, so a son meant painting the baby room blue, packing up all the pink clothes, and going shopping for appropriate boy things.  Preparations were made in a whirlwind and we anxiously counted down the days to the due date.

Then, my sister received a phone call.  For a routine doctor visit, the birth mom had gone to her appointment, and they were unable to find a heartbeat.  The baby was delivered stillborn a few days later. 

It was a shocking an unexpected blow.  Why had all these promptings come to follow a path when it would end in such unfathomable heartache?  My sister plunged into some of the darkest moments of her life in the days that followed.  And many of us, though we didn’t despair to the same extent, felt keenly the pain and suffering that she was experiencing. 

And this is the part of the story, where choosing the right, every day, little by little, made a difference for us.  Nothing about the situation made any level of sense.  But the following weekend was fast and testimony meeting and my mom, my sister and I all mentioned to each other later, that in the midst of our questions and confusion, we had each had the opportunity to share our testimonies of the love and goodness of God.  In our adversity, we fell back on the knowledge that we had gained through a lifetime of personal integrity in following and trusting our Heavenly Father.  And only that could sustain us.

I remember my sister talking about sitting on the chair in the baby room freshly painted with blue walls.  She was rocking back and forth faithfully trying to understand what miracle Heavenly Father was preparing her for.  Nothing could calm her troubled heart.  With good intentions, people all around her offered words of consolation and counsel.  But nothing eased the intense pain she was experiencing.  She had faith that the Lord had raised people from the dead and really couldn’t see anything short of that satisfying her aching heart or healing her from the agony she was in.

And yet, she was healed.

This week she sat in my living room, as we discussed the topic of my talk, and she recounted what a strengthening experience that was for her.  She expressed the understanding that trials have since been easier as she has learned (and this is a direct quote from her) “God knows the end from the beginning and He, by His very nature, is a kind and loving father who wants what is ultimately the very best for us - even when it doesn't seem like the best thing to us, with our limited vision.”

As it turned out, that experience ultimately led to a different adoption and brought her son into our family.  In the midst of it, when people tried to comfort her by saying that she could have another child, she mentally cried out in anguish exclaiming that another child wouldn’t compensate for the loss of THIS child.  It didn’t, and it never could.  But the atonement of Jesus Christ compensates for all loss in ways that cannot be described, but must be experienced.  Her experience was that she has been healed from the pain.  As my mom said to me this week, “Christ takes the sting out of adversity as well as death.  He will make it worth your while.”  We all wondered how it would ever be possible to heal from such a difficult experience and yet now we look back on it with gratitude.

After explaining that the hardest as well as the easiest times in life can be a blessing, President Eyring went on to say, “In all conditions, we can choose the right with the guidance of the Spirit.  We have the gospel of Jesus Christ to shape and guide our lives if we choose it.  And with prophets revealing to us our place in the plan of salvation, we can live with perfect hope and a feeling of peace.  We never need to feel that we are alone or unloved in the Lord’s service because we never are.  We can feel the love of God.  The Savior has promised angels on our left and our right to bear us up.  And He always keeps His word.”

There are different types of adversity.  Some trials come as a result of our poor choices and even sins.  Some trials come to us because of the sins of someone else.  Other trials seem to come by the hand of God.  Some are even just a natural product of Earth life.  But regardless of the apparent source of your trial, you can be strengthened to get through it, and more importantly you can be healed from your heartache through the atonement of Jesus Christ.

We all know those famous words to Joseph Smith in response to his questions about why certain difficulties had happened to him.

“Know though my son (or daughter) that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.”

And then,

“The Son of Man hath descended below them all.  Art thou greater than He?”

I have had experiences that I really genuinely didn’t believe could possibly be for my good.  I just didn’t.  And one day I listened to a song from Women at the Well where Mary and Martha sang to the Lord, “If though hadst been here!”  And they knew, like I knew, that the Savior could have prevented their pain.  But what they learned, and what it took me a full year past that point to understand, was that the atonement is so powerful that not only can it protect us from pains and sorrows, but it can heal us from the most heart-wrenching and anguishing of experiences.

When I asked friends and family what thoughts they had about adversity, my sister-in-law shared this quote by Elder Orson F. Whitney, “No pain that we suffer. . .is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of patience, faith, fortitude, and humility. All that we suffer. . .especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called Children of God. . .and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we came here to acquire and which will make us more like our Father and Mother in heaven."

I love the sweet story President Eyring told about words spoken at his mother’s funeral.  She had died after a ten year battle with cancer.  President Kimball spoke at the funeral and said, “Some of you may have thought that Mildred suffered so long and so much because of something she had done wrong that required the trials.”  He then said, “No, it was that God just wanted her to be polished a little more.”

President Eyring said that his response to that statement was simply to wonder, “If a woman that good needed that much polishing, what is ahead for me?”

Likewise, as I have faced some of my greatest challenges in life, I have looked around and realized I am not alone.  “The Lord chastens those he loves.”

President Eyring said, “I cannot promise an end to your adversity in this life.  I cannot assure you that your trials will seem to you to be only for a moment.  One of the characteristics of trials in life is that they seem to make clocks slow down and then appear almost to stop.”

He continued, “There are reasons for that.  Knowing those reasons may not give much comfort, but it can give you a feeling of patience.  Those reasons come from this one fact: in Their perfect love for you, Heavenly Father and the Savior want you fitted to be with Them to live in families forever.  Only those washed perfectly clean through the Atonement of Jesus Christ can be there.”

In studying for and preparing this talk, I came to realize that adversity is what gives us experience with the atonement so that we can have confidence in its power when we need it to cleanse us from our sins.  It really is through a perfect love and understanding, that Heavenly Father allows us to experience all things – again, with the promise that they will be for our good.

I have a testimony of these things.  I know that Heavenly Father loves us beyond our comprehension.  I believe that all experiences He allows us to have truly are for our good and given to us as a great blessing.  He will sustain each of us even as we experience our own personal Gethsemanes of life.

In the name of Jesus Christ,
Amen.

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Family Proclamation

The First Presidency and Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

We, the First Presidency and the Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator's plan for the eternal destiny of His children.All human beings—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.In the premortal realm, spirit sons and daughters knew and worshiped God as their Eternal Father and accepted His plan by which His children could obtain a physical body and gain earthly experience to progress toward perfection and ultimately realize his or her divine destiny as an heir of eternal life. The divine plan of happiness enables family relationships to be perpetuated beyond the grave. Sacred ordinances and covenants available in holy temples make it possible for individuals to return to the presence of God and for families to be united eternally.The first commandment that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that God's commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force. We further declare that God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife.We declare the means by which mortal life is created to be divinely appointed. We affirm the sanctity of life and of its importance in God's eternal plan.Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. "Children are an heritage of the Lord" (Psalms 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, to teach them to love and serve one another, to observe the commandments of God and to be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed.We warn that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God. Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.We call upon responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society.

This proclamation was read by President Gordon B. Hinckley as part of his message at the General Relief Society Meeting held September 23, 1995, in Salt Lake City, Utah.

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