Christmas Day

The morning started at 5:10.

That's when I woke up, restless and excited.

Every year I sneak into the boys room and wake them up.

Then I let them wake up Andy and play innocent.

OK, maybe not EVERY year.

Sometimes I am honest and wake up Andy before I go get the boys.

This year was an honest year - I woke up Andy.

We wanted to let the boys sleep, so we waited.

I took pictures of us while we waited.

Andy hid from the flash of the camera.

We made it until almost 7:00 before I finally gave in and went to wake up the boys.

(That's a record for me - I usually don't wait past 6:00.)

The boys stumbled out of bed and were eager to start with their stockings.

After having fun discovering all sorts of goodies in our stockings, we moved on to presents.

This was a fun year with Peter.

EVERYTHING he opened was received with an excited shriek:

"I wanted this!"

I think he takes after Andy.

Ammon is more like me.

Every time he opened a present he was quiet and serious.

But because I am like him, I could wait, and see how happy he was on the inside.

Sometimes he just needed a minute to process what he had unwrapped.

This was a really good year, but one of my absolute highlights was giving Andy this new coat.

Just a few days before Christmas, I went to do some last minute shopping.

Andy and I have never been in a position to do much for each other when it comes to Christmas gifts.

But as I was out, I decided that the best thing I could think of to do with my birthday money

was to buy some Christmas gifts for my husband.

Earlier in the month I had some pretty specific ideas of what he might want.

And I had been really sad that I couldn't buy them.

Suddenly I realized that I could!

I went through the store, retrieving most everything from my list.

Ammon had gotten some new pants recently, and Andy wanted a similar pair.

He wanted a new pair of pajama pants.

I wanted him to have a new U of U shirt because even though his other one is stained, he still wears it.

And then I found it - the coat.

All I knew was that he wanted a coat like Ammon's.

The one I found seemed to fit the bill.

But Andy is a FUN person to buy for.

He was shocked!

And he was thrilled!

To me, it was just the first coat I came across that looked right.

But to him it was the world!

Giving him the coat was definitely the best birthday present I have ever had.

Santa wanted to make sure we had lots of fun things to do on Christmas.

The family got Skip Bo

Ammon got MouseTrap.

Peter got a Super Why game.

There were nerf guns, DVD's, puzzles and Legos.

After presents, Peter helped me make cinnimon rolls.

Then, my parents and sister came over for Andy's yummy breakfast.

We had bacon and sausage with hashbrowns and cheesey scrambled eggs.

Grandpa played Ammon's new Battle Ship game with him.

(That was fitting since it was a gift from Grandma and Grandpa Nunes.)

And picked Peter up by his ears.

After they left, we had a major nerf gun war.

Ammon got his first gun in a gift exchange with cousins

(Thanks Maeli/Kambria!)

The boys both liked it so much that Santa brought them a twin set.

Andy decided that with his boys both having guns, he would need one of his own.

I tried to point out the fact that we already had one, and one plus two equals three.

But that didn't work.

Santa brought Andy his very own gun.

That's how we ended up with four guns - which is how I ended up being part of the gun show.

It was an amazing amount of fun.

And completely exhausting.

Ammon got out his Legos.

And put the whole thing together all by himself!

All he asked for ALL season long was Atlantis Legos.

He wanted FIVE different packages all belonging to the same series.

Santa played it conservatively and only got him one small set.

Santa regretted that immediately.
But Ammon was thrilled with what he had, so it was OK.

Peter went outside to ride his new scooter.

(Thanks Grandma and Grandpa Nunes.)

Grandma and Grandpa Shadel came over in the evening.

We had a delicious dinner:

Honey Baked ham AND turkey

(I LOVE their turkey)

Lion House potatoes, cheesey garlic rolls, and veggies.

I was going to make a pie for dessert, but we just ate more cinnimon rolls instead.

Overall, I don't think I could have asked for a better Christmas.

(Well, I would have liked to have slept in a little later... 

It's an ongoing goal.  One of these years I'll figure it out.)

Santa Came

Picture taken December 24, 2010

Andy and I kept looking at the tree and asking each other,

"Is all that for just TWO kids?"

Yup - it was.
No one got any "big ticket" items, but there were lots of fun, less expensive things.

Christmas was great this year.

Holiday Fruit Cookies

Pictures taken December 24, 2010

Andy remembers making holiday fruit cookies at Christmas time when he was a boy.

Andy's Dad Derrick remembers them from his childhood as well.

Years ago, when I was first exposed to them, I didn't think much of the cookie itself.
They have dates and pecans in them, but I think I missed the chocolate.

But I liked the tradition.

So we make them every year.

This year we made them with cousins at Grandma and Grandpa's house.

It was a fun group!

And somehow, over the years, these cookies have grown on me.

The past two years I have noticed that I seem to run out of them way too fast.

They have dates and pecans in them - who needs chocolate with that?

Yum!

After the cookies were done, my boys had fun with Michael, Sophia and Quincy.

They were especially cute with Quincy.

And Quincy was cute with them.

Tangled

Pictures taken December 24, 2010

On Christmas Eve we went the the movie with the entire Shadel family.
It was a tradition they had growing up - a Christmas Eve movie.
Back then, they had a group of five.
This year, it was a group of fifteen!  And that isn't including the two babies that stayed with sitters.
My boys were spread throughout the group.
Ammon sat between Will and Michael.
Peter sat with Spencer, Kate and Sophia.
Tangled is my new favorite movie.
It was adorable for children and adults alike!
It was a fun way to spend the morning before Christmas.

Fudge

Pictures taken December 23, 2010

Sometimes there are multiple reasons to having Peter help in the kitchen.

Distracting him from Ammon is one of those "extra" reasons.

This was one of those days.

Andy came home from work early.

I went Christmas shopping.

Peter was driving Ammon crazy.

So Andy and Peter worked together to make fudge.

The plan was to deliver it to our neighbors for Christmas.

Unfortunately, in their fun, Andy and Peter forgot to include the marshmellow cream.

As it turns out, marshmellow cream is a pretty key ingredient and the fudge never set right.

It still tasted good.

But the neighbors never got any.

Sorry neighbors.

Home Alone

Picture taken December 22, 2010

I decided that this year was the perfect time to show Ammon the movie Home Alone.

I was right.

He (and Peter) laughed and giggled the whole way through the defense of the house.

Both of them asked when they could watch it again.

It was a great way for our family to spend the evening together.

Snuggle Time

Peter loves to snuggle.

He can usually sense it when he's not sleeping next to someone.

We wake up with him in our bed WAY too often.

Even when he falls asleep on the couch we have a hard time sneaking away from him.

But sometimes, just sometimes, we can.

Daddy's Little Helper

We are a family that loves to cook.

Andy and I have interests in cooking different things.

The boys are usually happy to help us with whatever we are making.

Peter is at a real "helping" age.

I have so many pictures of Ammon at this age cooking with Daddy.

And here we are, three years later, with tons of memories being made for Peter.

It warms my heart to see our little father/son teams.

They are my life!

Lights at Temple Square

Pictures taken December 12, 2010

We spent a Sunday evening downtown enjoying the lights at temple square.

We started with the Christus statue.

 

Then we headed around the grounds.

It was a warm winter night, and quite pleasant.

The boys enjoyed all the sights.

I tried to take a family picture - simultaneously holding the camera and being in the shot.
It didn't work very well.

Fortunately, a nice stranger saw our dilemma and offered to take the picture for us.

When it was time to head back to the car, we split up.

Andy and Peter took a direct route back.

Ammon wanted to take lots of detours to make sure he saw EVERYTHING.

But he's faster than Peter, so we covered more ground in about the same time frame.

We all arrived back at the car within minutes of each other and headed home.

Christmas Lights

Peter:  Age 3
Enjoying the Christmas lights in our window

The Forgotten Carols

Pictures taken December 11, 2010

Katy decided that she would take her daughters to see The Forgotten Carols this year.

She extended the invitation to several more of us.

We ended up with a fun Girl's Night Out.

I was actually sick as a dog and completely miserable.

But I had forgotten how much I loved the music.

Many of the songs were meaningful to me.

The Spirit of Christmas - which is to say, the Spirit of the Lord - was present that night.

And so even though I was physically destroyed, I was so very glad I went.

Because emotionally and spiritually, I was fed.

Not to mention the fact that I was in great company!

I love my sisters (including you, Krista!) and that cute little niece of mine!

More Santa...

Pictures taken December 11, 2010

Santa came for another visit just a few days after our Ward party.

This time it was a neighborhood party.

There was coloring, movies, donuts and hot chocolate.

And of course, great friends!

Ward Christmas Party

Pictures taken December 09, 2010

The night of the ward Christmas Party I had my first final.

I was still going to attend the first hour, but Ammon and I both ended up  being sick.

So we stayed home.

When it was time for me to go to my test, Santa hadn't arrived at the party yet.

Andy didn't want to Peter to miss that by coming home.

Ultimately, I dropped Ammon off at the party on my way to the school.

I was told that Peter drew Santa a picture, which he was happy to deliver in person.

Ammon seemed to have had a nice chat despite being sick.

And I survived my first final of the semester.

Christmas Tree(s)

Pictures taken December 04, 2010



A Perfect Day

Thanksgiving, this year, was my perfect day.

All of my favorite childhood memories of Thanksgiving were relived

and  then combined with all of the best parts of Thanksgiving as an adult.

Ammon and Peter spent the day having fun with their cousins.

Which left me free to spend time playing games with my siblings.

My favorite card game is hearts.

And we played and played and played.

The meal was fantastic!

The three in-laws of the family - Andy, Jeremiah, and Krista are all amazing cooks.

I had fun cooking too.

But I did it ahead of time which gave me time to play.

I made sweet potatoes, cranberry sauce, and pumpkin cheesecake.

I love to cook holiday food!

As is tradition, Ammon made the pumpkin pie.
(Andy helped him again this year, but one of these days, Ammon isn't going to need the help.)

We had every member of my family there, which is harder to accomplish the bigger the family gets.

It was a full house, to be sure.

But I wouldn't have had it any other way!

Thoughts in December

Last week I turned thirty-three.

I have been continually thinking that the Savior was thirty-three when He finished His earthly ministry.

I feel like there is meaning for me to find in that.

But I haven't found it yet.

***

I have been riding an emotional high for the past several months.

There have been some hard moments, but overall, I've been really happy.

Something changed - and I don't know why.

Now I have some happy moments, but overall, I've been really struggling.

I'm not sure what to do with that.

***

I feel like there are answers:

knowledge;

understanding;

peace;

growth -

just beyond my grasp.

Clarity starts to form in my mind,

then melts away before I can gain hold.

Recently I have felt that every day brings me a miracle.

Mostly they are miracles of comfort.

Usually in the form of a friend:

A kind gesture, a thought, a prayer.

With daily miracles, why am I struggling as much as I am?

Sometimes that miracle comes in the form of understanding.

Knowledge as I see the hand of God working in my life -

or in the life of someone around me.

The Spirit touches me - testifies to me.

And I feel blessed to witness the power of God.

I have been keenly aware, lately, of the individuality of God's love.

Quite by mistake, I recently became aware of the most private struggles of someone I know.

But I also became aware, in part, of her healing.

And although I am embarassed to have stumbled upon parts of her life that weren't mine to know,

I have been strengthened by her experience.

It reminds me that Heavenly Father knows us all.

He loves us all.

He takes care of us all.

And we all receive the answers and guidance we need.

I continue to flounder  - facing daily miracles and daily agony.

Opposition is playing it's part well these days.

But I know where to turn for peace.

It is easier than it used to be.

At thirty I was stronger than I was at twenty-seven.

At thirty-three I am stronger than I was at thirty.

I hope to continue this pattern in my life.

I am still on my journey

Line upon line.

Similtaneously I am blessed and I struggle.

This past year, at a funeral, someone explained that

Even though we have a knowledge of the resurrection -

Even though we know that families can be together forever -

the loss of a loved one can be painful.

This hurt doesn't take away from the miracle of eternal life;

It doesn't subtract from the healing granted through our Savior.

Rather, the loss, the hurt, the pain, is what makes the joyful reunion so sweet.

I feel the weight of difficulty in my life right now.

Daily I fight back tears - of exhaustion, of sadness, of worry.

And then they turn to tears of peace, of comfort, of healing.

When I was younger, I thought that having a knowledge of my Savior meant that life would be easy.

I thought, that because all things were possible in God, I would never face doubt, or fear or sadness.

That because He is the Prince of Peace, I would always have peace in my heart.

Instead, I have learned to be continually stretched.

A loving Father in Heaven has shown me that He will always be with me.

And then He allows me to face situations where I can grow, and He can fill in the gaps.

This is how I have come to know Him -

to trust Him.

I am so very grateful for that babe - born in a manger.

King of kings and Lord of lords.

He is my rock and my Redeemer.

Ammon's Thanksgiving Wishlist

I wish for

Everyone to recycle

No tornados or earthquakes or floods

I wish for everyone to be healthy.

Unrelated

That the trial of your faith,

being much more precious than of gold that perisheth,

though it be tried with fire,

might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ:

Whom having not seen,

ye love;

in whom, though now ye see him not,

yet believing,

ye rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory;

Receiving the object of your faith,

even the salvation of your souls.

~Peter 1:7-9

The Real Snow Storm

Pictures taken November 21, 2010

The Blizzard of 2010 was a much hyped event.

Preparations were made, businesses, schools, federal and state agencies closed.

Even the temple shut their doors early.

All in an effort to get everyone off the roads and safely at home.

Maybe it's because we were all tucked away safely at home that the blizzard seemed so innocent.

Perhaps had more people been on the roads, we would have seen unfortunate outcomes.

We'll never know.

What we do know, is that days earlier we had a real snow storm.

A storm that we did drive through, after spending the evening at my sisters house.

A storm that brought inches and inches of snow.

Ammon enjoyed making snow angels.

Face down.

(Yes, I think he's weird.)

Peter was excited to make his very own snow man.

And, for the first time this year, we have snow that has now been on the ground for over a week.

I think winter has really come.

Grieving

Christmas is a strange time of year.  It is full of magic and happiness and peace and joy.  But it is also a time of year that memories stay with you, whether they are good or bad.

This morning I watched a touching video about servicemen who wanted to be home with their families for Christmas.  And that is when memories flooded my mind.  My husband was never in the military, but three years ago he was away for Christmas due to an assignment he had as a Federal Agent.  He was being trained to protect the borders of our country.

He left the day before my 30th birthday.  That was a hard year for me.  I was turning 30, living in my parents basement with my husband moving states away for five months.  I was left with a three year old and a seven month old to take care of without his help.  At the end of his five month absence, the "reward" for my sacrifice was to leave everyone and everything I knew and loved, and move - taking my children away from their cousins, to some of the hottest desert our country has to offer.  My spirits were low; my outlook was bleak.

As the day played out, my birthday decided to go from bad to worse.  My back went out on me, which occasionally would happen, and to add to that pain, I also came down with the stomach flu.  My family did their best make it a great day.  Andy had flowers and a gift delivered, my family all gathered together for a dinner out, and my friend Amanda and I went to my favorite Christmas play (The Christmas Carol at Hale Centre Theatre).  It was about as wonderful as a terrible day could be.

In addition to having Andy suddenly removed from my life, both sets of parents also soon left on vacation.  And so I spent those first few weeks really shouldering life alone in a way that was new and foreign to me.  I worked frantically to finish a quilt that I was making so that I could ship it to Andy in time for Christmas.  I was completely exhausted.  I finally got it finished, spent extra money to ship it express, and learned that even though it would be delivered on time, it was going to be delivered to a place that Andy wouldn't have access to until after the holiday.

That is when the melt down came.  I lost it like I have never lost it before or since.  I was out of control and my poor husband, miles and miles away had no idea how to help me.  We were on the phone together and the conversation escalated into the most irrational argument known to man.  I don't know what it was about or what we said.  I just remember screaming, feeling like I was completely out of control.  I had enough sense to recognize how far gone I was, but not enough to pull myself back together.  And I remember thinking that in addition to being worn to the bone, I was also being overly hormonal.  It was getting close to "that time".

A few days later was Christmas.  I am pretty sure Andy found a way to get his quilt on time.  It was our best year financially, so the boys had some nice gifts from us that Andy and I had bought together before he left.

On that Christmas morning I found myself sitting alone at the dining room table eating my breakfast.  The presents had been opened and children were happily playing.  I recall lifting the spoonful of cereal to my mouth, my stomach feeling not quite right.  And then it dawned on me.  I hadn't just been feeling the typical monthly hormones.  Suddenly I knew.  I was pregnant.

I waited for a couple of weeks before I took a pregnancy test.  But when I did, it confirmed what I had realized.  Andy was on the phone while I waited for the results.  I'll always remember how genuinely excited he was.  It wasn't planned or expected so I didn't know how he would react.  But he was joyful about having another baby.  I spent a blissful week floating in a cloud of peace and happiness.

One night, sleeping alone in my bed, I suddenly woke up.  And just as surely as I had known I was pregnant, I realized immediately that I was having a miscarriage.  I found myself in the bathroom where I discovered only the slightest hint of blood.  But I knew what I knew.  I called Andy, but he felt helpless and frustrated.  There was nothing he could do.  I tip-toed into my mom's office where I found her still awake working on her computer.

"I'm pregnant," I told her.

She cautiously congratulated me - she could tell something was wrong.

"I think I'm having a miscarriage," I continued.

She told me how sorry she was.  Even though she was nearby, there wasn't anything she could do either.

The following days included doctor visits, blood tests, and a confirmed miscarriage.  It was sad, but there wasn't time to be sad.  It was a hard thing to go through, but in that phase of my life, everything seemed hard.  All I could do was keep moving forward.

And so it is that today, I find myself reflecting back to that Christmas morning three years ago.  That morning when I "just knew" I was pregnant.  I find that I am grieving almost as if for the first time.  Suddenly I feel the loss of the baby that didn't come then - the baby that hasn't come since.  And I'm sad.

Frog and Toad

Pictures taken November 19, 2010

One day, while riding the shuttle to class, I noticed the playbill at Kingsbury Hall.

Frog and Toad All Year

"That sounds like the books Ammon has been reading at school this year," I thought.

"I wonder if this play would be good for kids!"

I love plays, and any excuse to attend one is good for me.

But I got busy and didn't do anything about it.

A while later a note came home with Ammon from his teacher.

She explained that the play at Kingsbury hall would blend well with the book they just finished reading.

"Perfect," I thought.  "I definitely need to take Ammon!"

But I got busy and didn't do anything about it.

And that is when my friend stepped in.

Her son is in the same class.

She mentioned that she wanted to take him and asked if we wanted to go along.

"Sure," I responsed, excited as could be.

"If you order the tickets, I'll definitely pay you back."

And that is how it happened that Ammon went to his first play.

He told me about the story as we drove over.

The play was done in a musical style.

Some things, I was informed, were different than the book.

Other things were the same.

At one point Ammon took his program and bent over by the lights on the stairs.

Apparently reading the little booklet was more interesting than the play itself at that point.

Next time we'll get to our play earlier, so he has plenty of time to explore the program to his satisfaction.

Overall, it was a great night - we both loved it!

Thanks Shae!

Jenny's Canyon

Have you ever tried to convince someone that a hike would be fun?

Especially after that person just finished a triathlon?

Needless to say, Andy was less than thrilled to discover that a family hike was what I wanted to do.

Fortunately for me, I didn't have to convince him.

I am blessed with a husband who indulges my every desire to the best of his ability.

So despite being physically exhausted, he took us to Snow Canyon State Park.

We spent our last morning in St. George hiking "Jenny's Canyon".

I felt pretty darn spoiled and everyone thought it was fun that the canyon and I shared a name.

Peter and Ammon were awesome.

They blazed the trail and forged ahead fearless and full of energy.

This was fine through the level ground.

But when we headed up and down some steeper parts, I was a little concerned.

But my boys did great and everyone stayed safe.

There was a slight, dead-end, slot canyon.

We haven't been in a slot canyon since our flash-flood experience.

(Which really started here.)

Andy wondered out loud how quickly it would fill.

I ran back to the entrance and made him promise to not say another word about it

until we were safely back to the car.

He admitted that he wouldn't have gone near it had there been a single cloud in the sky.

As it was, the sky was a beautiful clear blue and the weather was just right.

It was the perfect morning for our family hike.

Condo Fun

After the race, we went out to lunch.

By that time, the boys were more than ready for some family fun.

We headed down to the recreation room at the condo.

Andy and I were cracking up at the boys when they saw the table tennis.

They were amazed and delighted to play table tennis in "real-life".

It's a game they play a lot on the wii.

(It's easier on the wii - they aborted the "real-life" version pretty quickly.)

We enjoyed a few games of air hockey.

Andy and I love air hockey and our boys enjoyed it just as much as we do.

It was fun to see them play.

The boys really REALLY wanted to swim.

But we didn't bring swim suits.

Andy packed while I finished up school stuff, and he figured it would just be too cold.

We decided to prove that point to the boys and took them down to the pool.

"If I let them put there legs in, they'll realize it's too cold for swimming," I thought.

Peter wasn't deterred by the cold legs.

He wanted to wade in.

"Oh, that will certainly convince him," I decided.

So he went in, fully dressed.

First step the water reached just above his feet.

Next step it went to his knees.

Soon he was waist deep in the pool despite the 50 degree weather.

And he was loving every minute.

So I did the only thing I could do - I gave in.

They had a great time, swimming fully clothed while I shivered by the side of the pool.

Turkey Triathlon

Picture taken November 12, 2010

Andrew and his parents signed up for a triathlon in St. George.

That gave us a great excuse for a weekend away.

We all drove down on Friday and stayed in a condo my sister was able to arrange for us.

The accomodations were beautiful.

Andy was excited to use the grill and provided us with a fabulous dinner.

It took some time for the boys to unwind.
It was pretty exciting to be somewhere new.
Finally we sent them to bed, but they were soon calling out to me.

"Mom, come see!"

I went to see what they were going on about.

They pointed to the window.

I thought they were showing me that they lifted the blinds themselves and could look outside.

But my response didn't satisfy them.

"No, look!"

I looked through the window and saw glow in the dark remote control airplanes.

They were pretty awesome.

I called Andy in.

He called in his parents.

There were three planes in total and we all thought they were pretty fun to watch.

Finally, we headed back out of the boys room and sent them to bed.

Andy and I had a good game of cribbage and then went to bed ourselves.

Pictures taken November 13, 2010

The triathlon was first thing Saturday morning.

Andrew, Peggy and Derrick left first thing.

The boys and I spent a lazy morning in the condo.

But they got restless really fast and wanted to go explore St. George.

We found a park to play at, but the weather was kind of nippy.
The boys were ready for something else pretty quickly.

We followed the race detours to get an idea of where to head when the race was over.

Suddenly, I saw people on bikes just ahead of us.

I turned into a church parking lot and found that we had front row seats to the race.

Before we knew it, we saw Grandpa ride by, then Daddy, then Grandma.

I'll admit, I was more entertained than the boys.

We watched the bikes for a good while until the boys just couldn't stand it anymore.

While Andy and his parents finished the race, Ammon, Peter and I had our own adventures.

I even had to hop a fence to meet Andy at the finish line.

(Ammon and Peter could fit through the chained gate.)

It was a hairy couple of hours for everyone, but in retrospect it was good times!

Bagel Pizza

Pictures taken November 10, 2010

In October, I had about three week of feeling pretty lousy.

It turned out to just be an infection and was quickly treated once I went to the doctor.

But in the mean time, life piled up high and I was having a hard time getting the basics done -

Like making dinner.

During that time I asked my family for dinner ideas.

I don't know about you, but sometimes the hardest thing about making dinner

Is choosing what to make.

(That, and getting the groceries to make it with.)

Andy suggested bagel pizza.

It was something he remembered having as a child.

I'll admit, I was reluctant at first.

Pizza finds it's way into our diet way too often.

But, if Andy was willing to help with a dinner plan, I was willing to give it a try.

He even went to the store to pick up what we needed.

(He usually does.)

As it turned out, not only did the boys LOVE the bagel pizza, but Peter even helped me make it.

It was such a hit, that I decided to do it again a few weeks later.

This time I planned for participation from all.

It was a fun family activity and a delicious meal.

Sometimes husbands know best.

Thanks Andy!