Our Journey to Forever - Private: Lost

Tuesday, March 05, 2013

Lost

I am getting more and more certain that I have to walk away from an amazing (potential) opportunity. It is seriously killing me!

I applied and was interviewed for a job that I think I would LOVE. The company is called The Brain Balance Center, and they work with people who have ADHD, Autism, and other neurological disorders. While the science behind it is unsubstantiated in terms of formal research, I find the approach compelling and would love to learn more about it on the front lines.

When I heard that they were coming to South Jordan to open a new center, I was excited. When I learned that they were hiring for a director, my mind started spinning a mile a minute. I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to be involved in the integration of this company into my community. I feel like I have the skills and abilities to join with the franchise owner and really make it a success.

But I also know it would take over my life.

I would be working 45-50 hours a week, and most of those hours would be after my kids are home from school. It would be the never-ending job. I would not be able to be the kind of mom I want to be if I wanted to run the center even half of how I was hired to run it, much less how I would WANT to run it.

Arg. I can't tell you how distressed I am right now to have to choose between the perfect dream job in my most ideal niche of psychology versus my truest dream of raising my kids. The timing of this decision only exasperates my misery as I am reeling from feelings of failure and discouragement. How awesome would it be to pick myself up after being rejected from graduate school and turn around to become a DIRECTOR at this awesome clinic. The title alone is awesome, much less the financial contribution I could make to my family, and the personal fulfillment of the work.

But I just can't. I am sick to death over it, but rather than being excited about the prospect of this AMAZING job opportunity, I am increasingly miserable when I consider it.

And lost.

I am just not sure where to go, or what to do next and I feel SO very discouraged and lost.

2 comments:

UnknownMarch 6, 2013 at 1:04 PM
Sorry Jenny! It is so hard to find the perfect balance between family and career. It does sound like an amazing opportunity. Good luck with finding the right fit!
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Ann MarieMarch 7, 2013 at 5:32 PM
I am SO sorry.
I sometimes wish we could see into the future.. and the good things and hard that will come our way. It's so hard to live hoping and continually having Faith -- that sometimes feels like forever.

I know FOR sure that things always work out for the best.
Heavenly Father knows the deepest desires of our hearts.. and I believe that one day -- you will have exactly what you want.

It just sometimes bites..that it's in HIS timing.

If you ever want to take a walk and talk.. or head for some Mexican.. let me know. I am always up for lunch!
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Family Proclamation

The First Presidency and Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

We, the First Presidency and the Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator's plan for the eternal destiny of His children.All human beings—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.In the premortal realm, spirit sons and daughters knew and worshiped God as their Eternal Father and accepted His plan by which His children could obtain a physical body and gain earthly experience to progress toward perfection and ultimately realize his or her divine destiny as an heir of eternal life. The divine plan of happiness enables family relationships to be perpetuated beyond the grave. Sacred ordinances and covenants available in holy temples make it possible for individuals to return to the presence of God and for families to be united eternally.The first commandment that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that God's commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force. We further declare that God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife.We declare the means by which mortal life is created to be divinely appointed. We affirm the sanctity of life and of its importance in God's eternal plan.Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. "Children are an heritage of the Lord" (Psalms 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, to teach them to love and serve one another, to observe the commandments of God and to be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed.We warn that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God. Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.We call upon responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society.

This proclamation was read by President Gordon B. Hinckley as part of his message at the General Relief Society Meeting held September 23, 1995, in Salt Lake City, Utah.