Friday, November 05, 2010

My Nephew, Quincy

I have found it interesting that we can have powerful interactions with a loving Heavenly Father - experiences that change us and propel us forward in our understanding of Him and His love for us.  And yet, to the people around us, we can often continue seemingly unchanged.  For that reason, I want to share this, and other experiences I have had.  So that I can remember my own interactions with my loving God, and that perhaps, in some small way, they can also bless my family, friends and especially my children.  So here I begin a new section of my blog: testimony.

It was unusual for my phone to ring so early in the morning, but as I looked to see who it was, it kind of made sense.  My sister Katy was calling.  Like me, she would be getting her children ready to head out the door for school; she would know that her call wasn't waking me up.  Still, I was curious to discover why she would call at this hectic point of day.

My question was quickly answered.  She had learned of an opportunity to adopt a little African American boy who was to be born in the coming weeks.  She was trying to pass the information on to whomever she thought might be interested - she wanted this baby to have a family.  And she was calling to request that I pass the information on to my sister-in-law Jen, who already had adopted two babies of the same ethnicity.  Jen's babies were now four and three years old and a newborn seemed a natural and perfect fit to her family.

I wrote down the information and assured my sister that I would be seeing Jen in less than 30 minutes when I met up with her at the gym.  I hung up and went back to my task of getting Ammon ready for school.  But within a moment or two, an uneasy feeling set over me.  And maybe it wouldn't have made a difference, but I felt prompted to call Jen right away.  So I did.

By the time I got to the gym, Jen was in a flurry of excitement talking about the posibilties.  Can you imagine the dream of having an unepected but much desired baby suddenly in your arms in a matter of weeks?  Because I had called her before getting to the gym, she had already been able to pass the information on to her husband Tim.  And both of them had time to let the potential sink in and begin working through some of the logistics.

The biggest drawback to this adoption was the pricetag.  It would certainly be the most expensive of the three, and they just weren't sure they would be able to do it.  As we left the gym, Jen shared her testimony with me:  "I know that this seems like a lot of money to us, but to Heavenly Father, it is nothing."  She finished by asking me to let her know if I came up with any sort of solution.  I left wondering what I could possibly do, not thinking there really was anything.  I had another prompting, which I considered for a while and then followed.  Maybe it made a difference, maybe it wouldn't have mattered.  I don't think I'll ever know.  What I do know is that hours later, Jen called, and with tears being evident through the sound of her voice she said, "We have the money!  We're going to put in for the adoption!"

By this time, the spirit in all of this was powerful.  It was evident that God was guiding this process and that miracles were taking place for this to work out.  People who had received messages from my sister about this earlier in the morning started calling to find out more details.  I found myself thinking, it doesn't matter for anyone else- this baby belongs to Tim and Jen.

In the coming days there were many more feelings of the Spirit guiding the process.  In a whirl-wind effort, Tim and Jen pulled together their adoption profile and officially got signed up with the agency that this adoption was through.  Everything was perfect and it seemed meant to be.  It came to be the day that the birth mom was going to make the choice.  I was so confident that everything had been done exactly right and that this was meant to be.  And then they got the news - someone else had been selected.

Wow.  It was a bit of a blow.  Somewhat shocking and unexpected.  Because the Spirit had been there - prompting, confirming, promising that this was the right path.  But there was a gentle peace that accompanied the disapointment.  An understanding that even though it didn't work out in the way that was hoped for and expected, that there was a reason they were led to travel this path.  At that point, understanding the reason wasn't so important.  Just the assurance from a loving Heavenly Father that all was right, was enough.

The explanation seemed to come more quickly than expected.  A day or two later the couple who had been selected had to withdraw their acceptance of the adoption, and birth-mom was going to pick again.  The agency called Tim and Jen to ask if they would allow their names to go back in for consideration.  Of course they would!  This news fell over a weekend, and not just any weekend, but (if I remember correctly) the weekend of Fast Sunday (a day of the month when we traditionally fast as a part of our weekly worship).  And so we joined hearts as an extended family, and fasted with this situation in mind.

Years ago I read something that taught me to pray according to the promptings of the Spirit.  It is a tricky skill to develop, but sometimes I feel like I get it right.  And this was an experience where I felt the Spirit instructing me about what it was I should pray for.  Over and over again, the prayer that was given to me to say was not, "Please let the birth mom pick Tim and Jen".  The prayer was not an IF.  It was a WHEN.  "When Tim and Jen are picked, please bless the birth mom to know - to have her own witness that this is Thy will."  It was an unmistakable message from Heavenly Father and became my prayer the entire weekend.

Well, Monday came and so did the news: they were not chosen.  Again.

This became a personal crisis for me.  I was looking into the coming months knowing that I was going to face challenging and important decisions.  Things involving Andy's work, my school, where our family would live etc.  And I would need to have guidance in those things.  And yet, at that moment, my confidence in my own ability to interpret revelation from God was shaken.  I had experienced what I had thought was clear, and undeniable promptings.  I had followed them exactly.  And yet the outcome hadn't matched my prayers!  I was beside myself, reeling in confusion and I needed to find reconciliation.

I fell to my knees in prayer and poured out my heart to my Heavenly Father.  I was distressed and discouraged and confused.  But as I prayed, peace poured into my heart.  And as I knelt by the side of my bed the answer sweetly and softly came:  "You prayed for exactly what I told you to pray for.  You just thought you knew which birth-mom the prayer was for, but you did not."

I wanted to jump up, run to the phone and yell the news to Jen, "There is a different birth mom!  You're going to get a baby!"  But I didn't.  This answer was mine.  It was given for me to have my own questions resolved.  And I felt at peace.

The next day I was talking with Jen, and in an appropriate way we were able to share with each other the promptings we had each received.  They seemed consistant with each other, and we knew that her baby would come, and soon.  There were a couple of other twists and turns in her story.  She still had some tests of faith along the way.  But by the end of the week (or early the next week, I can't remember) she received the news that they had been selected to be the parents of a baby boy expected to be born in just a few weeks.

As it turns out, this particular adoption wasn't determined by the birth-mom.  At the request of the birth-mom, the agency made the choice.  Which just makes it seem so much more powerful to me, that Heavenly Father loved this woman enough, that a week earlier, before I knew she existed, He was prompting me to pray for her - not to make this choice, because he knew she wouldn't be the one who made it.  Instead He led me to pray that she could feel the confirmation that the child in her womb was going to the family that He had prepared.  He knew her and knew what she would need.

And with an even greater understanding than I had before, I learned that Heavenly Father is aware of me, and all of His children.  I learned that He will answer my sincere questions of confusion.  I learned that He has a plan for each of us and that it will all unfold in His time.  And that is how my nephew, Quincy, changed my life.

Elder Richard G. Scott of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles said:


"I have personally verified that concepts like faith, prayer, love, and humility hold no great significance and produce no miracles until they become a living part of us through our own experience, aided by the sweet prompting of the Holy Spirit. In early life I found that I could learn gospel teachings intellectually and, through the power of reason and analysis, recognize that they were of significant value. But their enormous power and ability to stretch me beyond the limits of my imagination and capacity did not become reality until patient, consistent practice allowed the Holy Spirit to distill and expand their meaning in my heart. I found that while I was sincerely serving others, God forged my personal character. He engendered a growing capacity to recognize the direction of the Spirit. The genius of the gospel plan is that by doing those things the Lord counsels us to do, we are given every understanding and every capacity necessary to provide peace and rich fulfillment in this life. Likewise, we gain the preparation necessary for eternal happiness in the presence of the Lord."

1 comment:

  1. That's so neat Jenny! I'm glad you were able to learn so much and participate so much in what was going on. I love having the opportunity to learn and grown in ways like you had.

    ReplyDelete

Family Proclamation

The First Presidency and Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

We, the First Presidency and the Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator's plan for the eternal destiny of His children.All human beings—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.In the premortal realm, spirit sons and daughters knew and worshiped God as their Eternal Father and accepted His plan by which His children could obtain a physical body and gain earthly experience to progress toward perfection and ultimately realize his or her divine destiny as an heir of eternal life. The divine plan of happiness enables family relationships to be perpetuated beyond the grave. Sacred ordinances and covenants available in holy temples make it possible for individuals to return to the presence of God and for families to be united eternally.The first commandment that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that God's commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force. We further declare that God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife.We declare the means by which mortal life is created to be divinely appointed. We affirm the sanctity of life and of its importance in God's eternal plan.Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. "Children are an heritage of the Lord" (Psalms 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, to teach them to love and serve one another, to observe the commandments of God and to be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed.We warn that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God. Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.We call upon responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society.

This proclamation was read by President Gordon B. Hinckley as part of his message at the General Relief Society Meeting held September 23, 1995, in Salt Lake City, Utah.

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