Obedience

Last week I taught a Relief Society lesson about obedience. Later that evening we were visiting with my parents (it was Father's Day) and as we discussed how my lesson went I realized that even they weren't familiar with an experience I had that I shared during the lesson. Since then I have felt the need to write and record what I went through and what I learned.

When I was twelve years old, we received word that my seven year old cousin Buddy had been in a bad accident. He had been riding his bike and was hit by a car. His situation was dire.

My immediate family gathered together and we decided, as a group, to participate in an extended family fast being held specifically for Buddy. It was not the first time I had ever fasted, but was the first occasion I can recall involving myself in for such a desperate purpose and on a non-fast Sunday (although the day we fasted was a Sunday).

I went to church that day with an extra prayer in my heart as our souls were weighed down with concern. As I arrived to my final meeting of the three hour block - young women's - I discovered that our leaders had a surprise for us. They had arranged for us to leave the church building and go to one of the leaders homes. At that home they had the most magnificent brunch prepared for us!

If you have ever read the description of the feast in the Little Princess, then you have read the way I would describe this brunch! I remember being overwhelmed at the amazing foods that were abundantly spread over a large table and onto the counter. It seemed that there were fruits of all varieties and they just looked inviting and delicious. There were waffles and muffins and whipped cream and syrup and just everything you could ask for in a brunch.

And I was fasting.

I remember thinking, "But when I decided to fast, I didn't know that THIS is what I would be giving up." I debated whether or not to continue in my planned course of action, justifying that Heavenly Father would understand that forgoing this amazing and unique brunch opportunity was beyond the scope of expectations for the day.

And yet somehow, in the midst of this internal debate, my twelve year old heart became resolute and determined to step up, with a stronger conviction, to the sacrificial fast that we were offering in behalf of my cousin. My stomach growled as I looked longingly on the grapes and strawberries and waffles and whipped cream. But I knew it was the right thing to do.

Sadly, despite our fasting and prayers, my cousin never recovered from his accident and passed away shortly after. I remember feeling a strong sense of calm when he died - as if Heavenly Father was blessing me with a knowledge that he had heard our prayers and that they were being answered in the way that had Buddy's eternal best interests in mind. I felt peace despite his death and confidence that a loving Heavenly Father was over all.

As the years moved forward, I have often thought back to that seemingly insignificant choice I made. I wonder what my experience would have been if I had broken my commitment to the fast and Buddy had died. I think I would have had to wonder if his death was somehow my fault. I would have found myself dealing with concerns and spiritual and emotional questions that would have drowned me. But because I did my part, I could stand in confidence that the blessings of God were unimpeded and his love was available to us to receive.

I learned, with absolute certainty, that obedience brings peace to my soul and confidence in my Heavenly Father. I learned that those are the things of eternity and matter more than any outcome in this life.