Unexpected Changes

It was a regular Wednesday afternoon when Jon called me, almost desperate in his pleas for information, "Do you know what is happening with Grandpa?"

I was confused and asked what he meant. Not a week earlier Grandpa had attended Thanksgiving at my parents home - the first time since he had gone to the VA Home that Grandma had felt comfortable bringing him there. I had been meaning to call someone to get more specific details on how the day had gone, but I hadn't gotten around to it yet.

Jon explained his question citing a text his mom had forwarded to him having originated from Grandma.

"Fred's condition Fyi: please don't call me right now because I really can't talk just now. Fred's health has been failing for the past few weeks and hospice is going to care for him now. He has pneumonia and is being given antibiotics. He is receiving breathing treatments and is on oxygen. He doesn't wake up and they are not able to give him anything to eat or even give him his medicine. They will give him medicine intravenously as well as comfort meds. I don't know if he will rally or if this is the beginning of the end. Please pray for comfort for him. I just thought you should know."

Now I was truly baffled. I hadn't been aware of Grandpa's failing health and though I had heard that he had been sleeping more and more and had been harder and harder to wake, the most recent theory I had been aware of for that behavior was that it was a medication issue and they were hoping to resolve it with some changes in what he was taking.

With both of us completely confused, I told Jon that I would call my mom immediately and see what she might know (since Grandma lives there with her).

My mom was as surprised as I had been at the line of questioning and had no additional information. While we were talking, another call started coming in so she hung up in case it was pertinent to the puzzling text. As it turned out, it was Katy calling to talk about something else, but in that time, my mom also received a copy of the text from Grandma. In almost the same moment I received the identical text from both Jon and my Mom. Grandma had first sent the news to the Cochrane side of the family and was now dispersing it to the rest of us.

I was back on the phone with my mom and within minutes she was heading up to the VA Home in Ogden. All we knew was that Grandma had asked that no one call her, so we weren't sure if Mom would be intruding, but we felt that it was important someone get up there. On the Cochrane side of the family, Christy had also headed that direction from Tooele.

I started a string on Facebook in our private family group just in case anyone had more information they could post it for everyone and then I sat back and started anxiously wringing my hands, waiting.

Grandma got on Facebook and clarified that my mom was more than welcome to visit. She elaborated that she was simply too emotional to field any phone calls.

When mom got there she heard the professionals (nurses, hospice staff etc) talking with Grandma. At some point they said, "3-4 days." Everything got very real at that point. I knew what that meant but I didn't want to believe it until it was spelled out for me, I called my dad with the update and his reaction was the same as mine, "3-4 days for what? Until he is better?" This was happening really fast.

Andrew came home for lunch and I filled him in on the events of the morning. We discussed who would fly south in the case of a funeral. I started looking up flights and found that the soonest I would likely be able to get there was Saturday night.

Grandpa's room turned into grand central station as everyone who was moderately near him took the time to pay him a visit. This was really happening - everyone was gathering to say their goodbyes.

Grandma had a really rough night taking care of Grandpa. She swabbed his mouth and cleaned him up as he coughed up gunk. She didn't sleep at all.

Andrew convinced me to go ahead and book my flight. I didn't know how long I would be gone for. Afterall, Grandpa had pulled through some near-death situations plenty of time before. There was a part of me that wanted to believe this was just another false-alarm. Grandpa had conditioned me to believe that he was going to live forever. But underneath that emotional response, my mind firmly knew that this time was different.

Susie came down from Idaho and visitors continued to pour in. Against all logic, Katy and her girls decided to head back up there at 9:00 at night. Katy kept trying to put it off until the next day but Carolyn was adamant that they go right then. I thought I should call Katy and ask her to keep me updated but at the last minute I decided to text Carolyn and requested that she be the one to keep me apprised of everything that was happening.

When she got there she sent me this text:

"Grandpa is very close to dying. Probably between now and another hour. He looks up and is staring at something. We think it's an angel. I can't text anymore. Grandpa is close to dying and we are keeping it reverent." This text came through at 8:05 my time - 10:05 in Utah.

I was so moved by this text. Knowing that there was such a calm, peaceful feeling in the room brought me a lot of comfort. I decided to share that peace with Jon and sent him a text to relay the information from Carolyn.

For Grandma and Grandpa's sakes I hoped that they were right about him dying within the hour. Dying doesn't always happen quickly and can become a long, drawn out process. At this point Grandma hadn't slept in over 30 hours and I knew she wouldn't rest anytime soon if Grandpa was still alive. And Grandpa was peaceful and doing well- I wanted him to go on a positive note like that one.

But I worried about Jon, He really wanted to see Grandpa one last time. He wouldn't make it to Utah until Saturday afternoon.

As we were texting, Jon mentioned that he was really conflicted because he wanted to see Grandpa, but mostly he just wanted Grandpa to be at peace and not suffer. That was at 8:11 my time.

We were still conversing by text when we each received word, "He is gone,"

Fred Carl  Cochrane - my Grandpa - died on December 4 at 10:13 PM (8:13 my time). It was sudden. It went fast. I was so comforted by having just been told what a reverent and peaceful feeling was in the room where he was.

For those of us who miss him I am heartbroken. But for Grandpa - I am happy. And I am so grateful to know that we will be together forever someday.